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Original poster

Maternity leave with no SMP and partner on sick pay.

22 replies

Beagle840 · 13/09/2018 22:02

Hi ladies

I am in a really difficult financial situation and wondering if anyone can offer any advice.

I am on maternity leave but my SMP has run out. My partner has been off work sick for almost 3 months due to depression receiving around £80 a week after deductions. We have a ten month old child and essential monthly outgoings of over £1,000 (not including food and baby things).

I sold my house which was in my sole name before baby was born as we have reserved a new build and have the surplus proceeds (around 30K) in a bank account in my sole name. However, with a monthly deficit of well over £1,000, that is rapidly depleting, meaning that unless my partner returns to work very soon, we will not be able to buy the new house or indeed any house. I could return to work early but childcare costs mean that this would not be enough to save us from the situation, although obviously we would be better off but still dipping into the house deposit to survive.

I suspect we won't be able to claim any benefits due to having the house deposit money, I have tried calling Citizens advice and another benefit helpline but can't seem to get through and the online calculators don't cover my situation.

Can anyone offer any advice/suggestions please? Many thanks.

OP posts:

fromdespairto · 13/09/2018 22:03

Why are you paying for childcare if your partner isn't working?

umberellaonesie · 13/09/2018 22:05

Check entitledto.com they've a benefit calculator which should give you some idea of what you can claim.
Also check out your partners entitlement to Employment support allowance.

OhSoSiriusly · 13/09/2018 22:05

Why would you have to pay for childcare if you returned to work and your partner is currently not working?

Foodylicious · 13/09/2018 22:06

How long until the house will be ready?

Foodylicious · 13/09/2018 22:08

How long until you were planning to go back to work?

eggncress · 13/09/2018 22:12

could you go back to work and leave baby with dp.?you won’t have to pay for childcare if he’s at home. Assuming he’s well enough to look after dc?

Poisongirl81 · 13/09/2018 22:16

if oh not working why can't he have kids?

DianaT1969 · 13/09/2018 22:17

Are you currently paying rent? Do you have family you could live with until the new place is ready?
Can you afford the mortgage on the new place on only 1 salary?
Does your partner have a history of depression and not being able to work? In which case him doing the childcare and you working might be the only short-term solution.

Babyroobs · 13/09/2018 22:24

The benefits situation will depend if you live in a full service Universal credit area. If you do then you will not be able to claim anything because you have capital over 16k , although in some circumstances it can be disregarded if it is for another house so check out the rules on this. If you are not in a full service Uc area then you should be able to claim child tax credits and maybe working tax credits whilst your partner is on SSP.

Original poster

Beagle840 · 13/09/2018 22:58

Thanks for all of the replies. Babyroobs, that's really helpful. I will look into that.

DP is in no fit state to look after baby unfortunately. He is drinking too much (although working on this through GP and support worker) and he couldn't handle having her all day anyway due to his depression.

The new house should be ready in January and I'm due to return to work mid November. Ironically, the mortgage on the new house would be cheaper than rent due to using the Help to Buy scheme, so if I have to spend too much of the deposit money and end up stuck in the rented house it will be more expensive per month. It just feels like a no win situation really.

OP posts:

serbska · 14/09/2018 06:26

I wonder how many women with depression totally check out and find themselves to be completely unable to do any child care. Probably not many.

Sounds like a very difficult situation.

Any family you can move in with (even if a different part of the country since neither are working).

Or rent something much cheaper and get back to work ASAP.

What is DPa work, MH and alocohoo history like? Might be worth considering if living as a family unit will actually be the best thing for you and the baby.

serbska · 14/09/2018 06:26

*alcohol

Original poster

Beagle840 · 14/09/2018 09:01

Serbska I totally agree with your point about him checking out of childcare and it's really difficult because I do feel quite angry about the situation with him not returning to work even though his mental health team have suggested it could help him to have routine and purpose. But then I feel guilty for feeling like that because I know depression is a horrible illness and not something he has chosen.

In terms of childcare, he would quite willingly do it, but I don't feel he is up to it as he is sleeping a lot during the day, forgetting things etc.

Unfortunately we are already in the cheapest rental we can find in the area and can't move too far away as I have 3 SC in this area.

He has never had a diagnosis of depression or alcohol misuse until recently but i suspect those issues have been brewing in the background for some time.

I think you're right that if I can't get any short term financial help from benefits, I will have to return to work early. I do worry how this will affect DP because he has begged me not to do that, saying he will be back to work soon but he has been saying that for weeks on end then not managing it. I don't want to add more guilt for him but ultimately I can't allow the family to go under!

Urgh, horrible situation but I guess thay's life.

OP posts:

user1471426142 · 14/09/2018 09:27

A deficit of £1k per month just isn’t sustainable. Has he explored gradual/phased return to work. Even getting some structure and doing half days or part-time days might help get back to work. There are stats that show once someone has been away for over a month, it just gets harder and harder to go back. Has his HR department been supportive?

DianaT1969 · 15/09/2018 12:26

Your partner has 3 other children and is drinking, but not working. As someone said, I suspect that few women with depression would get to opt out of childcare and family life.
I'm sorry to be blunt, but if I were you, I wouldn't continue to enable and support this by using up your precious savings. Where and how would he live if he wasn't being supported by you?
It's worrying that you are buying your house together.
I realise that none of us know the triggers or cause of his depression - and everyone is different - so ultimately you need to judge the situation yourself and decide whether he's capable of stepping up to fatherhood and responsibilty, or whether he'll drag you down into poverty and possibly debt.
Paying for childcare will take a huge chunk of your salary.

Raver84 · 15/09/2018 12:46

I think you need to try and get back to work and accept that for now buying a house will not be possible unless your husband can look after the children.

M0veOntheG0 · 15/09/2018 12:54

Can you cancel buying the house ?

Original poster

Beagle840 · 15/09/2018 13:42

I agree that he needs to step up. If it wasn't for the fact that he is now actively working with counsellors about his depression and that he is successfully (albeit gradually) reducing his alcohol use, I would walk away but as matters stand, I have decided to stick with him for the time being as long as he continues to make progress but ultimately, there may come a time when I decide that the best thing to do is to end the relationship if things don't improve significantly.

By way of update, I managed to speak to a Universal Credit advisor who has confirmed that capital set aside for purchase of a home can be disregarded if a clear link can be shown, which he seemed to think would be fairly easy in my case so I have made an application. Thanks again for the advice on that point Babyroobs.

OP posts:

LIZS · 15/09/2018 13:51

When do you plan to return to work? Presumably you have paid childcare lined up for then. If you are 1k down atm and eating into your deposit savings is buying now realistic ?

Original poster

Beagle840 · 15/09/2018 14:01

I had planned to return to work mid November and yes, childcare lined up for then but my concern is that if I eat too much into the money from sale of my old house I won't be able to buy a nee house and will be stuck renting, which ironically is more costly per month. It seems that going back to work early might be my only option but will see what comes of the Universal Credit application.

OP posts:

AssignedNorthernAtBirth · 17/09/2018 13:24

Agree, I was going to say I think you need to go back earlier. Also it sounds like you're not married? Buy the house in your sole name, don't let him on the mortgage.

Original poster

Beagle840 · 17/09/2018 13:44

Thanks Northern, no we aren't married and the plan was always to have the new house in my sole name as I have had my fingers burned by a previous partner and would prefer to keep finances seperate as far as possible. I have suggested he pays into a savings account so that he has some capital in the event of separation. It might sound harsh but on the other hand, it's a good deal for him because he won't have the monthly commitment of paying a mortgage.

OP posts:

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