Household income and expenditure

[tinkerbell141]

For most of our married life (and before) I have paid the majority of the household expenditure due to having a rather well paid job – fast forward to this year and I am now only employed part time earning less than half of what my husband earns.

I have been paying the same into the joint account each month to cover the bills etc using all my savings but now have reached a point where the husband has been told the ride is over and unfortunately he won’t have as much spare cash as he is used to. He has for the past few years just paid a set amount in each month and anything that doesn't cover is paid by me.

If I pay half the bills I will be left with absolutely nothing and he will still have a fair bit of his wages each month to do what he wants with (not spend on me or the children!) – most of the child activities come out of my account so if I have no spare it’s a case of a picnic and the park (which is fine) but most weeks I don’t even have enough for a cup of coffee it’s that bad. I know if I asked him he would gladly give me money but having been so independent for so long (20+ years) I am finding it really difficult. I also think because I haven’t told him I am struggling that he has assumed everything is ok.

So I have written down all our expenses including a set amount each month for entertaining two under ten years olds but need help in calculating what is fair – how do I mathematically do this as a percentage of our wages rather than a split 50/50?? I don’t want an excessive amount of my wages for myself but it would be nice to be able to go to the supermarket or a cafe and get a drink and a cake with the kids without that feeling of dread that there is no money in my account!

Thanks for reading!

OP firstly I must say I know this must be a hard situation to be in if I was you I would start by showing your husband your respected wages, the total costs including those of the everyday expense's for the kids - lunch money, after school, days out etc.

When me and my DH were younger we use to put money into a joint account and then set £200 a month aside each as a 'fun fund' and the rest would be dipped into or saved when needed.

Theres no need to feel bad you've worked hard AND been supporting your family for so long I'm sure you'll be able to come to a fair agreement!

Write it out and decide together what is fair.

Like pp, we have always put all household income in to one family pot, and then paid all bills, children's expenses, savings, holiday funds, etc etc from that. We have given each equal partner (ie, dh and me) the same amount of 'spending money' each month - a tiny amount when we were just out of being broke, and gradually more as we have become more comfortable. However, the key point is, that is has always been equal.
It was the same when I was earning and dh wasn't. It was the same when I earned more than dh. It was the same when dh earned more than me. We both contribute equally and bth have the same funds for our own "treats".

Pay all 'family' expenses including regular bills, savings for irregular and annual expenses, food and travel out of your combined earnings and then split what is left evenly between you and your DH as spending money.

Could your DH have built up any savings that he could put back into the family pot or split with you as it sounds like he's not really contributed financially over the years?

Or has he spent it all? Is he a spender or a saver? If he's used to spending a lot of money on himself without worrying about a set budget, he's going to have to undergo masssive adjustment. It's worrying that you've used up savings to pay half of the bills instead of him contributing more as the higher earner.