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Original poster

I'm thrilled DP moaning

30 replies

THEsonofaBITCH · 29/08/2018 18:29

Hi all, just looking for validation I guess. We had a LARGE bill coming due today that we first started discussing and worrying about 6 months ago. We basically agreed it was an impossible amount and we were screwed. I started doing extra work/extra hours, saving every single penny I could, cutting all expenses (hobbies, take-aways, making own lunches, etc). As recently as 1 month ago we had virtually nothing saved for the bill but with all the out goings trimmed and/or pre-paid knew this month would need virtually nil to get through and all money could go to THE BILL. Today we paid it in full and all DP could say was we never have any fun any more Confused Sure it hasn't been fun or easy but we knew we had no choice but to pay this bill and we made it! I feel great and don't understand DP's moaning (actually I do but come on, it had to get paid!). Anyway just needed to get it out there that I feel great about it even if it was hard! Thanks for listening!

OP posts:
onetimeposter · 29/08/2018 18:32

Well done Smile x
Now you can treat yourself!

AbbieLexie · 29/08/2018 18:33

Flowers Success

Nacreous · 29/08/2018 18:34

Well some!

Original poster
THEsonofaBITCH · 29/08/2018 18:34

Thank-you! no money for treats until next month, but anxiety GONE! Grin

OP posts:
Angharad07 · 29/08/2018 18:36

Well done! Remind your partner of what the alternative may have been by this point...

PragmaticWench · 29/08/2018 18:36

If you explain your take on it to him, and he doesn't shift his view, then that's sad. We can all be negative sometimes, but most people become more positive when around other positive people.

FamilyOhNo · 29/08/2018 18:37

Well done and just think that 1st treat will feel so good.

Knittedfairies · 29/08/2018 18:39

Let the fun commence! Well done, OP.

BarbaraofSevillle · 30/08/2018 06:49

Well if you manage to cut back to save for a big bill, you should have some money available for fun.

But, maybe save some of the spare money so big bills are less of a worry in the future. Also, hopefully over the last few months you have found free or cheap things to do that you enjoy and ways of saving money like vouchers and discount codes? Having fun doesn't have to equate to spending lots of money. Did your DP join you in cutting back, or were the sacrifices all yours?

MrsMozart · 30/08/2018 06:55

Very well done indeed!

Tell DH to grow up. Take the opportunity to look at your budgeting and work out between you how to manage going forwards, i.e. savings and spendings.

crazydoglady6867 · 30/08/2018 06:58

Well done treat yourselves to a nice cuddle which costs nothing and congratulate yourselves it would have been easy to sweep that one meet the carpet, tell your DP cuddles can be fun too😊

crazydoglady6867 · 30/08/2018 06:59

Meet? * under

LastOneDancing · 30/08/2018 07:05

You should be really pleased - a lot of people wouldn't have behaved as responsibly but you worked hard & the bill is off your mind!

There are lots of free things to do if you look for them. Admittedly not the most exciting things, but we have a free farm, parks, museums and heritage railways close by which are good for an afternoon out with a picnic. Maybe it's an opportunity to try something new?

SandysMam · 30/08/2018 07:08

How did you manage to cut back OP and any top tips? How much did you manage to save?
You are DNBU and your DH should thank you for being so bloody organised. Do you have savings in place as a buffer for if this kind of things happens again?

ovenchips · 30/08/2018 07:24

Well done you! I think that is a fantastic approach and not the easy way. But you have bought yourself peace of mind.

Not so well done to your DP. Financial incompatibility (which this sounds like it could be) is very difficult to deal with long-term.

Worth thinking about you and your partner's attitudes to money and if you are on the same page? It's important to be broadly similar to avoid a lifetime of stressing each other out with v different attitudes to money. You don't want to have to always be in the sensible 'parent' role, managing the money, while your DP in a 'child' role lets you take the responsibility and whines about lack of immediate gratification for longer term gain.

Original poster
THEsonofaBITCH · 30/08/2018 08:14

There aren't any great tips, just focused on only paying for absolute necessities and cutting every little thing - no coffees out, parking - pick the cheapest and walk further, re-watching movies and shows on iTunes instead of buying more, re-reading books, etc. The little things added up to take care of some other larger expense which added up to taking care of another expense, etc until there was money at the end to take care of THE BILL. DP and I are on the same page in that we both cut back (we don't spend a lot anyway except on the kids). DP I think was just frustrated after 6 months of cutting back literally everything we made it and there wasn't any reward except losing the anxiety. Now this month we have to spend on all the things deferred (my car is dire need of repairs, etc) and get ready for the next hurdle. We have a very tough year coming and I think its just that we made the first hurdle but there are still more to go and DP finds it depressing while I'm excited that we made the first one and therefore more hopeful we can make it over the rest. It will be a hard year, not a lot of fun and great deal of hard work which is kinda depressing. In 6 months we were able to save the same amount that we would normally live off of during that entire period (ie we cut expenses to the point that one month's income paid for the following 6 months so we could focus on saving for the bill).

OP posts:
MrsMozart · 30/08/2018 08:25

Wow. I am seriously impressed.

Maybe, to help you both along as eighteen months of pure grind amd graft is a long time, you could budget for one treat a month. Something for both of you to look forward to.

Original poster
THEsonofaBITCH · 30/08/2018 08:59

Thanks, I guess it was called "snowballing" where a bunch of little things added up to a bigger one, which added up to a bigger one, etc until we got there (by the skin on our teeth!).
MrsMozart, Thank-you, (I was impressed too if that doesn'[t sound too off-putting) agreed the next hurdles are to the point where a night's out for (low cost) dinner to keep us sane isn't going to make the difference so we are planning to do something like that (1x/month movie with the kids, etc). We also figure we can ebay enough stuff to offer ourselves little rewards once a month as this past 6 months was hellish and we don't need huge sums like paying for a trip, just some treat that feels like a treat.

OP posts:
SandysMam · 30/08/2018 10:55

What the hell was “the bill” OP?? I am imagining all sorts of things?!!

Original poster
THEsonofaBITCH · 30/08/2018 11:00

What the hell was “the bill” OP?? I am imagining all sorts of things?!!
Sorry, can't satisfy your curiosity as too much judging would be done Blush Just as said, it wasn't optional and wasn't something one can get a loan for.

OP posts:
onetimeposter · 30/08/2018 11:31

I know. It was that 50,000 cocaine and condom order that you put in last year wasn't it Grin

PositivelyPERF · 30/08/2018 11:34

I know. It was that 50,000 cocaine and condom order that you put in last year wasn't it?

🤣

Original poster
THEsonofaBITCH · 30/08/2018 11:37

Ohh, this could be fun! Guess the reason! I like @onetimeposter's mind set, but sadly not correct!

OP posts:
BarbaraofSevillle · 30/08/2018 11:43

Boring but more realistic reason that would be judged on here such as unpaid taxes?

Happityhap · 30/08/2018 11:53

there wasn't any reward except losing the anxiety.

That's a great reward. I'd be skipping all over the place!

Does DH 'take responsibility' for the outgoings? By looking at what you can afford / what's necessary / what's luxuries etc?
Can't he see the achievement of keeping out of debt?