Dead End and No Way Out

[LonelyandLost80]

I’m not looking for sympathy or advice, there really is no way out. I’m just need to say it and I have nobody to say it to.

I am lost and I am lonely and I am exhausted. I have a DS7, it’s only ever been the two of us with no help and I am 38. I work, always have but it rarely covers everything to the point I am £2500 in rent arrears and £1800 in council tax arrears. This is all my fault, I should be able to cope and I should be able to manage on my own. There was a time that I could but one thing led to another to another and here I am ... it only takes one unexpected expense to send you over the edge and you’re forever trying to catch up getting more and more in debt with each passing month .... nearly 40 with no where to turn.

I think it’s just dawned on me just how bad things have become. If I could just get out this debt and start a fresh - that’s what everyone says isn’t it, it’s just not possible. I think I must have done something so bad in a past life.

I was rushed into hospital two weeks ago and had to leave my boy for the first time ever in his whole life with a friend, a school mum who he hardly knows. I lay in the hospital alone, with Jaundice and my liver failing wondering if I’m ever getting out alive. People had loved ones stay by their bedsides holding their hands and I felt like I was going to die there totally alone. They sent me home today, total bed rest, no heavy lifting or stress. I walked in to a house upside down to two bailiff letters and one from the landlord giving me 14 days. It’s my boys birthday next week too. So I’m here trying my hardest not to stress and rupture my spleen not daring to move. I’ve painted a smile on for my boy all day but I can’t give in to the tears now bedtimes hit - what if I do myself more damage. I don’t want to die. But I don’t want to live like this, frightened with every knock at the door. I want to see my boy grow and make a better life for himself than the one I’ve given him. I’m nearly 40 and just once before I die I’d like to know what it feels like to be happy and at peace. I’d liked to be cared for, or cared about ... just once.

I’m so lost..... hopeless in reality. Hope never gets you anywhere.

OP... I am sorry you are going through this . The medical issues aside, I went through something very similar.

I had a cry. A breakdown actually one night in my room surrounded by debt letters. By time the morning came I died my eyes and I began by getting a spreadsheet and listing all my incomings and out goings (basic bills NOT including arrears!)

Then I began making phone calls.

1. Council Tax: call the number and explain to them how much you have coming in and how much you have going out. You should be able to negotiate a payment plan with them and they sometimes even knock off a chunk of it. Agree to a plan you can do.

It sounds awful but just remember - even if you get taken to court for council tax as long as you keep in contact (misssd payments etc) and even if you attend court, all the judge will award is to give them so much a week that you can afford. Keeping in confact is key!

Rent: are you private rented or housing association? For HA you can arrange to pay the arrears at a cost you can afford, this is usually £5 a week. If you are private rented I’d look at seeking a HA property until your finances are back on track. If your landlord is going to evict you the council will have a duty of care to rehouse you and your son, even if you end up in a hostel / hotel for some time. You can then look at a payment plan for your landlord.

Bailiffs: Call them. They are usually surprisingly understanding and helpful. Explain your situation / finances and come to an agreed payment plan. One you can stick to. It will stop the nasty letters and threads to visit. There are obviously certain debts that need to be paid first. These are the high interest debts like the credit card debts with high APRs, or bad credit loan debt with high interest rates. Once you’ve taken care of the most expensive debts you can begin tackling the others.

Have you made sure you are receiving all benefits you are entitled too as well? As your DS birthday - do check out sites like eBay and selling pages. It takes digging but there are usually some decent bargains on them.

I wish you the best OP you can do this

Ah this is one of the saddest threads I read. Where are your family? Do you really have no one at all to turn to? Where is your sons dad can he not help. To have no one at all most be so hard I hope you feel better soon

Op contact the citizens advice bureau, they will be able to give you some advice and help to navigate your way through all of this,

Also do what OverCapacity has suggested, it's excellent advice

www.citizensadvice.org.uk/debt-and-money/help-with-debt/

Op there's some citizen advice bureau links on here that apply to your situation that you might find useful

Stepchange open at 8. Please give them a call.

m.stepchange.org/contact

If the debt charity CAP are in your area, I think they might be the people you need. They’ll come to your house, make sure you and your boy have food, take away the debt paperwork, get rid of the bailiffs, provide emotional support during the process and just get it sorted for you. It’ll be a while to get out of debt but you’ll get there and you’ll be sorted:
capuk.org/i-want-help

I don't have advice but just wanted to say don't feel you're alone. You're important to this world and loved.

Op please don’t feel there’s no way out. Agree with others please contact the cab, step change or similar.
I’m on my own with my ds after his dad passed away last year and I know the feelings that come with being the sole parent with no help

Hope you're ok OP. Just wanted to send you a hug and second the advice about getting a manageable payment plan for your debt. Hang on in there, you only need for a few things to change and you could feel so much better.

I've heard really good things about CAP. Don't be put off by the name if you're not a Christian - they are there for anyone who needs them. I know someone who volunteers for them and he is one of the kindest people I've met.

So sorry you are going through this. Hope your health and finances are improving soon.

Any progress OP?

You’ve had really good advice here, I hope it helps and you feel better.

@LonelyandLost80, I hope you're feeling a bit better. My friend's husband works for Stepchange and this is exactly the sort of thing he deals with. He said when you see people come in for the first time they are very stressed, often with bags full of unopened envelopes. He sorts it all out for them and contacts the people they owe money too. By the time he's finished with the clients, they look ten years younger. Why not give it a go?

Hi OP

Hope you're okay. Some brilliant advice on this thread

X

@lonelyandlost80 how are you getting on? I hope your health is improving and that you have been able to follow some of the advice given on this thread. Please do come back and let us know how things are.

I have been reading all your lovely messages and can’t thank you enough.

I had a meeting with my landlord and sorted out an arrangement today. After some telephone advice from CAB I have today emailed Newlyn and explained that I am a vulnerable adult and would like a means form to arrange a payment plan. Apparently because I’m a vulnerable adult and their texts and house calls could further affect my health I can ask them to cease and request contact by email or post alone. Whether this is true or not remains to be seen but CAB gave me a draft to send them.

As for my health, it’s not great and it’s going to be a long road to recovery.

I can’t thank you enough for all your kind words and advice at a time when I’ve never felt so low and alone xx

That's brilliant. It would still be a good idea to contact Step Change, though, to see if there's anything they can do to help you.

I’m so glad you’ve made some progress 👍

As I understand it companies do have to change their behaviour when dealing a vulnerable person, so do please them you are vulnerable as advised.

Hi.
Wow, so impressed you’ve started to take control. That’s fantastic .
Wishing you lots of strength to get through this.

I'm so sorry to read your post. And as for you thinking you should be able to cope! It sounds like you are on your own. My sister is a single mother with one child and no financial help from her ex (he sees his child one day a week if she's lucky). BUT she has the help of my parents. My father passed away a few years ago but my parents are quite comfortable (not rich, just very good savers) and they are able to help her out a lot. They paid for her car, her washing machine, furniture, they helped out with buying her own council house, she has a shared account with my mother for the food shopping. A lot of people get help. My partner reminds me of this every time I say I admire my sister, lol "she's not living in the real world". A lot of people have help so please don't feel like a failure for doing this on your own. It takes courage! You are probably a lot stronger than you think xxx