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To charge board???

9 replies

Paigeamie · 24/07/2018 07:05

Hi

I would appreciate your guys views on something. I live with my partner and my 18 yr old. We both work and so does my 18yr old. My partner also has an 18yr who lives with her mum. He currently pays his ex £50 a month as his 18yr old is still on apprenticeship. His 18yr old also stays with us Weds night to sat night so has 2 meals a week with us plus we fetch and take her back. My question is, would it be wrong to charge my 18yr old board, say a small amount of £20 a week when we don't take anything from the other and run her about and pay her mum. My frustration is my 18yr old is spending money on stupid stuff living the life of riley and contributing nothing not even the odd job when not at work. She also has her bf stopping over. I understand partner wanting to support his 18yr old as due to college issues she is behind a yr. I just feel like everyone is taking advantage slightly..... my 18yr old living it up, his ex and 18yr old having had one holiday are having another, his 18yr old I know for a fact has a nice nest egg saved in her bank as she never spends anything and then there is us struggling to save for our first holiday together and even that I have managed to get very cheap.

Beside what is going on with exes 18yr old I feel mine should pay her way but i'm torn as I also feel it's unfair to charge her then pay for the other if that makes sense. Or do I treat it as two different issues? Tried talking to partner and he just says his 18yr old doesn't earn much and he thinks her mum is taking money off her, but i know she isn't on that much less than mine. His ex must be rubbing her hands together. I don't want to keep bringing it up as it causes arguments and looks like all I care about is money. I would point out that my partner had not said that my 18yr should pay anything as he can't really charge his. It's not the charging his that bothers me it's the paying his ex that is frustrating me!

OP posts:
Babyroobs · 24/07/2018 09:04

Your partners 18 year old only has 2 meals with you a week - it would be very unreasonable to charge her board. The £50 your partner gives her mum would barely cover anything, although I appreciate she has her apprentiship wages too. The fact that they have holidays is really nothing to do with you- if she is still financially dependent on parents then your partner should be contributing.
You would be perfectly reasonable to take some board from your daughter - why not take £20 a week and you can save it for a holiday or family holiday or save it for her when she is older. It will teach her that she has to budget and pay for the essentials of life not just waste it away. I have a similar dilemma with my 18 year old he wastes a lot on fast food and betting. I don't take money off him at the moment because he is going to UNI soon and just on a gap year at the moment but if he was just working and living with us then I would.

BoxsetsAndPopcorn · 24/07/2018 19:39

Two meals a week and you want to charge her board? So she will technically have to pay to visit her dad?

I really disagree with taking money from children, it' seems mercenary. A little different if they want to return home after a relationship split or to save money for a house deposit but to charge them to continue to live in their home doesn't sit right with me so we won't be charging ours.

Paigeamie · 25/07/2018 06:21

Thank you babyrobs.

Boxsetsandpopcorn No i don't want to charge partners 18 yr old board at all why would I do that? My whole dilemma was wether or not it was fair to charge the 18yr old living with us or not.

I don't like taking money from my kids either however as Babyroobs has said they also have to learn to budget and pay for essentials before take always etc I paid board as soon as I was earning at 16 even then I was on apprenticeship money. Never did me any harm in fact has made me very sensible with budgeting etc.

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Twillow · 24/08/2018 15:48

Are you needing the money or wanting to teach a life lesson?

In the first case, I would sit your daughter down with copies of all your incomings and outgoings - don't forget even small things too like Netflix. At the least expect that she offers to pay for a 1/3 share of food and toiletries and a contribution to water and electricity. She may just not be aware of what it costs to run a home.

In the second case, I would set a percentage of wages as bed and board - say 25% - and if you don't need the money save it for her as a house deposit etc.

CarlyJayne1987 · 26/08/2018 16:57

yes absolutely - i was working from 16 - i paid board....

Why wouldnt i?? I ate, drank, use the washer, used eletricity

did me a favour - i became less entitled and i am very good at budgetting now :) (i own my own house)

user1487194234 · 26/08/2018 21:04

Personally I Don't
I am happy to support my DC until they move out/are financially independent

PattiStanger · 26/08/2018 21:11

Being happy to support your child and being able to afford to are very different things.

As a single parent when my eldest started work I lost money from my ex, child benefit and had to pay increased council tax, I need to board money to make ends meet and I'm still worse off.

user1487194234 · 26/08/2018 21:40

Yes Patti apologies
Hadn't thought about all of that Sorry
I suppose we all just do the best we can

Paigeamie · 04/09/2018 20:09

Thanks everyone. I have discussed it with her and she is contributing £20 a week. She was more than happy to, all that worry for nothing.

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