Babies between friends

[Poppyseed66]

I am having a baby with a man that I am only now becoming friends with. He has suggested we put a contract in place which states financial responsibility. However I am not asking him for any money and therefore can't see the benefit. Does anyone have any sort of similiar agreement in place that can tell me about the benefits and pitfulls?

Poppyseed, I'm assuming that you are in England and Wales, is that right? Scotland has very different laws.

Also, and I realise this is a personal question so don't feel the need to answer, I'm assuming that the baby has been conceived naturally and he's the genetic father (as opposed e.g. to him donating sperm for you to use at a clinic, an option used by some single women and lesbian couples which has different implications for parenthood).

On the basis that those assumptions are correct, I'm almost certain (but not 100%) that a contract along the lines you suggest would not be enforceable in any event. He will remain legally responsible for the upbringing of the child. In practice there is nothing to force him to pay anything unless either you initiate it or you are on income support/JSA (in whcih case the state will seek to recover child support). The state's primary concern here is to ensure that there is provision for the welfare of the child and so any provision that allowed a parent to contract out would, I think, be against public policy and so unenforceable.

Can I suggest that you also make sure that you have a very clear understanding of his involvement in the child's life before he/she is born. There have been some horrible legal battles between genetic fathers who want to play 'dad' and women who thought that the man was going to act as a 'sperm donor' alone.

not directly but think you need one of the more legal minded mnetters to help you as I think that parental rights for him in terms of money are complex. I am no expert on this but rather suspect that the CSA rules may have an influence on any arrangement that you have in the same way that they can be used as guidance when divorcing/seperating couples are working out child maintenance. I also suspect he is just trying to be cautious as it seems that you're on good terms now for understanding what the arrangements are and probably just wants it put down on paper for avoidance of doubt.

Also have you given any thought to what happens in terms of his access rights or what happens for the baby if (god forbid) anything were to happen to you? I'm not sure what the law is here (esp if you're not married) but I can imagine it could get quite messy if you made arrangements one way and he wanted to contest it. I have a feeling that his position is somewhat difficult if you weren't married and he isn't named as father. You've probably been all through this so apologies if its old ground (and its not what your OP was about but it may get dragged up if you're looking at just financials).

Hopefully this post will bump for someone more knowledgeable to help.

Some friends of mine (two women) have had two babies using the sperm of a good friend of theirs. They drew up a contract with him that specified that he had no parental responsiblity and that they would never pursue him for money. In return, his contract spelled out that he would never make any attempt to get involve in parental decisions (schooling, health issues, etc). At the same time (don't know whether this is relevant in your case) they also drew up contracts with each other, the biological mother naming her partner as the co-parent.

Their solicitor advised them that a family court would probably take these contracts into account if something drastic happened, as they would at least provide a solid indication that all the parties were very clear about what they had signed up to.

Whether you're gay or not, you might find some useful info about such circumstances on gay parenting sites?

Rowan's friends' approach is a good one but you should be aware that the court will do no more than take it into account. If there are any disputes then their concern will be the welfare of the child and they'll do what they think is best for the child even if it does mean that they will go against your 'contract'. I think the main benefit of a contract is ensuring that you've worked through the potential problems and agreed an approach in advance.

Also, you should think through the question of whether you want him to have parental responsiblity. He'll have it automatically if he is married to you or named on the birth certificate. If he's not going to be involved in bringing up the child from day to day then I'd leave him off the birth certificate if I were you. If he does want parental responsibility later then either you could give it to him or the court could.

TBH, if you can afford it, I think it's probably a good idea to have a quick chat with a lawyer in a situation where you can give all the details. You'll usually spend a lot less time and money if you sort these things out before problems arise than if you try and deal with them after the event.