Nothing that is only mine

[Itsnotalwaysfair]

When we got married DH had a flat with a mortgage and I had some cash. The law where we are is all assets and income obtained after marriage are joint. I put my pre marriage cash into our house deposit. DH did contribute more to even it up in our first years of mortgage payments but as that was after marriage, it was joint money anyway. Since children we have the same amount of pocket money and put all in joint pot. I have two things that I think are unfair

1. He still has his pre marriage flat and I have nothing that is only mine or that he couldn't claim half of in the event of a split. I would like us to sort it out that I also have an asset that is only mine.
2. Since the last year, his income from the flat which gives him more spending money every month. Before it just covered costs. I think that income should go into the joint pot.

He says

• we are not going to split up
• I don't see you complaining that it's not fair I (DH) get paid nearly double but share it all equally other than this extra 100 quid monthly surplus from flat income

So, do I have a point, or should I just get a grip and stop whining? We have no debt other than mortgage, enough to eat and can make our mortgage payments with ease and DH is not spending the extra on a hobby to the detriment of our living standard (completely fine, everything we like - local holidays at a nearby lake in the summer, being outdoors, picnics, within our reach). He just saves it in his account. If we had an emergency we would be fine.

The law in your country is the pre marriage assets remain with the asset holder. So I don’t see why you should get something just because he has a flat, no.

Morally, I believe within a marriage you should be “compensated” on divorce for family financial decisions that have impacted your earnings and future income potential. But no, I don’t think morally you should have an asset created just for you because he had a flat predating you. That’s money grabbing.

But anyway... presumably you have a paper trail back to the money you put into the house deposit? That predates the marriage, so that money is yours. You do have something of your own.

To the point about the £100 surplus from the flat - it depends why he’s saving it. If he hasn’t broken even in all this time that you’ve managed to have kids so several years, then the rental situation is quite precarious. He’s absolutely right to save it. Interest rates are on the rise, and he has very little room if he wasn’t making a profit before. He should be saving it for essential repairs. So if the saving is part of managing that property then I’m all for it.

In principle I’m for equal sharing within marriage - but sounds like that extra £100 is more like a business account.

You seem very blasé about the higher amount he paid for the house before kids - joint money after marriage anyway, you say. Sounds like you came out rather well there and don’t appreciate that. That attitude would annoy me. If you want something for yourself - start saving.

But he did foot the mortgage payments on his flat prior to you getting together, are you prepared to give him an equal cash share back towards what he's already paid if you want to be a joint asset owner on it? If the flat needs upkeeping costs/repairs, will you be contributing to the cost of that? Or will it solely be his responsibility - in which case his extra £100 income pot each month could fund that.

I am saving. But everything I save, he has a right to 50% of it because I am saving it from income after marriage.

Yes, that’s what you chose when you married him. And if he earns 2x what you earn, then it’s his earned income that is contributing to your income in the first place!

What is wrong with him having an asset before marriage that is protected? Why should you get one just because he has one?

• sort out the money that was yours before marriage: see a solicitor for advice on what paper trail is needed to protect that

• work out what is going on with the £100 from his rental property

Why not get out there and earn 5x what he does (I earned 10x my hbusband) and then you will have a lot of extra money you might be able to put into a flat you buy on the basis of your own earnings? Make him rush home 3 days of the week to collect the baby from nursery at 6pm no matter what career price he has to pay!

**Yes, that’s what you chose when you married him. And if he earns 2x what you earn, then it’s his earned income that is contributing to your income in the first place!

What is wrong with him having an asset before marriage that is protected? Why should you get one just because he has one?**

^This

To be honest it does sound very much like - "What's mine is mine, and what's yours is mine too"...

It sounds like your finances are split fairly and you want something of your own 'just because'. I don't think it's ever possible to level the playing field in a marriage to that extent, there are so many variables about who owned what before they were married it would be impossible to even them all out.

Surely anything you invest in now about be a joint asset so it would never really be possible to level it out? If you bought an investment property, a house to flip... it's always going to be something he could have a claim on, so I'm not really sure what you're looking for other than to complain that life isn't fair. Rather than looking to get your own assets, I would be looking to make sure you had the support you needed to increase your earning potential, such as the money to do further training/ qualifications.

Thanks for your input. I've taken the following

• accept he has a flat and the costs and management associated and if he keeps the surplus, all associated costs with flat should be paid by him from that or his 'pocket money' savings
• dig out the paper trail of my pre-marriage cash which enabled us to buy a house and get it recorded

I need to think about if I want to earn more. We could live our present standard on just my salary so DH is free to quit as am I. Obviously not at the same time. Being paid more would mean more travel, more hours, less flexibility. Or starting my own business rather than being an employee.

Want an asset - Do you have all these things first ? Pension, emergency savings, holidays, hobbies, holiday home ? You can have an asset, but you need a plan and a financial plan. You sound a little jealous.