Child maintenance

[Pearl0876]

I've never involved CMS so no clue about any of this.

My daughters father has been paying £20 a week for as long as I can remember, when we agreed to this amount, he was earning a lot less, and he was also saving for a deposit on a mortgage so I was trying to help. He has had about quite a few promotions since then and I think he earns at least 26k, although I cannot be sure as he doesn't wish to share that information.

Over the last 3 years, I've brought up on several occasions that I want to discuss a fairer amount and he has always guilted me by claiming he already cannot afford the £20 a week, yet he maintains his house, car and a pretty active social life, goes to multiple festivals a years always has new things ect so I struggle to believe him any longer. I've sent him a link to calculate for himself how much he could contribute to see that I'm not "scrounging"

He has no children, although does have a girlfriend living with him, I'm not sure if she works or not and my daughter stays at his house 2 times a week, occasionally 3.

Recently he's been missing payments pretty much every other week and I'm aware he's been off sick so I withheld asking him about it as I assumed he was struggling with money (He's been off for about 2 months) Then last week he took his girlfriend to download festival, tickets £400 plus spending, I know how expensive these things are. Yet he can't afford £20 a week for his child? So now I'm really annoyed.

Should I involve cms as he's been off work for 2 months, will they even make him pay anything or should I wait till he is back at work?

Should I ask the missing payments again? I have asked him in text and he has just completely ignored it.

Not really sure how to go about this as he just flat out refuse to even talk about it.

This is why I gave up asking for maintenance from my ex. I wanted to avoid going to the CSA because I knew that he would mess up, not pay when he should, and they would be much less sympathetic than me and I knew it would lead to him being stressed, anxious and that would impact on his behaviour and his relationship with the kids and I didn't want that for them.

I gave up when all I ever got was promises, next day, next week, my dog ate the homework and all. Then he lost his job, then he worked again, but self-employed, then he made sure to not tell the kids that he was back in a normal job so I wouldn't go and ask again.

In the end, it made my life so much easier even if it meant that I had to support my kids all on my own, even paying the fare for them to go and visit him. I did it for them and now they are teenagers, they understand.

Ironically, I would have been in a position to be friends with him and his partner as supposedly he said he wished we could have done, but I will never forgive him for letting take the full financial responsibility of bringing up our kids. Just because I could afford it didn't make it right and I had to make sacrifices to do so.

In the end, you need to decide whether to make it official and take it to the CMS or forget about any maintenance from him, whichever is the lesser evil for you.

Personally I'd wait til he goes back to work - although if he's going to be off long term you may wish to rethink. If he's on a low income at the minute/ SSP you'll probably get £7 a week so just keep asking for your £20 a week. Also just another point if you decide to use CMS - if his partner's child lives with them (If they live together) he'll have a reduction of his income for that child too. Have a look at the online calculator you can guesstimate the figures gross annual income less % for the child that may live with him less reduction for number of nights he has your DC overnight = amount of maintenance. Might help you decide if it's worth using CMS. Advantage would be if you use them to collect your maintenance they can chase him when he decides not to pay.

Fizzy who’s to say he’s only on SSP? Plenty of employers pay full sick pay when their employees are off.
I’d guess if he can afford to go to music festivals then his income is a lot more than £90 ish a week .

@19lottie82 I did say IF he's on low income / SSP. OP will know more than us with regards to what the sick pay policy is where her ex works. She might be able to find out on internet / company homepage. I agree a lot pay more that SSP but he has been off for 2 months now - this may start to reduce if he's not going back to work yet. Also CMS will get last full year income from HMRC - he will challenge it straight away saying he's off sick possibly lower income.
With regards to festival tickets - pretty annoying and feels like a kick in the teeth but it is possible the tickets were bought a while ago when he wasn't off sick - don't these events sell out in minutes of ticket release. He probably didn't purchase the tickets recently.

I would make him a new offer and if he doesn't agree go to CMS. I understand you want to be on good terms but he needs to take some responsibility. If I had a child who didn't live with me I would think the 200 a month would be reasonable, my HH income is close to 26,000 a year. If he can afford an active social life he can afford to pay for his child.