Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Money matters

Find financial and money-saving discussions including debt and pension chat on our Money forum. If you're looking for ways to make your money to go further, sign up to our Moneysaver emails here.

Flip

Original poster

Making a Will

16 replies

Kerry987 · 20/05/2018 10:20

Do you all have a will?

I didn't worry about making a will as I didn't have anything before but now I share a house with my husband and I think I need to make one.

I know is financially better to leave things to your husband to avoid taxes but then I worry as he has two grown up children from a previous marriage. I want to leave things to my children mainly and and a bit to to my mum.

I hate having to think of that but I think I should do it.

Any advice would be greatly appreciated.

OP posts:

JustbackfromBangkok · 20/05/2018 10:29

Absolutely you must make a will. Review it regularly and update it when necessary. And leave a copy of the most recent one with your dc and solicitor. Ensure pre-existing wills are destroyed. Be aware that a marriage or divorce invalidates an existing will.
I am currently witnessing the most shocking behaviour in a family over a will and it is awful. The solicitor is a family member and is colluding in fraud. (Not in the UK, but an example of how people that I considered to be trustworthy behave).

Needmoresleep · 20/05/2018 11:23

We took ages to get round to it. The family firm my parents used said it would be conflict of interest to act for us as well, whilst another wanted lots of tedious money laudering information which we were too busy (FT work, children etc) to get to them.

The solution was an on-line will service. One recommended by Martin Lewis (Which Wills). it was fine, at least as an interim solution. My guess is that if you are struggling to find the right option from their drop down menus you probably need to get individual advice, but at least you have then thought through the issues and have something in place in the interim.

GnomeDePlume · 20/05/2018 11:31

Get advice but I think you can leave your share of the house to your DCs but with your DH having a lifetime interest so he can stay in the house for his lifetime but then it reverts to your DCs.

MessySurfaces · 20/05/2018 11:39

Your circumstances are exactly the kind of situation when you need as ice and a will! As things stand, If you and your husband were hit by a lorry, and you died on the scene and he in hospital, his kids would inherit everything and yours nothing.

MessySurfaces · 20/05/2018 11:40

Advice, not ice...

Badbadbunny · 20/05/2018 14:46

If you and your husband were hit by a lorry, and you died on the scene and he in hospital, his kids would inherit everything and yours nothing

It's an example like that which show why a proper consultation with a proper will expert is essential rather than "do it yourself" or an online "drop down list ticking" service. You really have to do all the "what if" scenarios to ensure that the right people get the right assets under all the different possible scenarios.

bimbobaggins · 20/05/2018 18:32

I have a will now but only made it last year when my ds dad died. My ds is my sole beneficiary although I have left provision for a relative to bring him up. Said relative is my executor. I did it all officially through a solicitor.
To be honest it was something I’d never been bothered with before and the amount of people I know don’t bother with it either. It was a case of it will never happen to me so don’t need to worry about it

marjorie25 · 22/05/2018 01:07

I would definitely do a will, even if your husband did not have grown up children.
Call me cynical but I always believe that parents cannot trust the other one to do their desired wish when they die.
I have read and seen lots of children lose out because one parents left it to the other to deal with.
Men especially are more prone to find another wife quite quickly.
Get legal advice and do it now.

marjorie25 · 22/05/2018 01:10

bimbobaggins : There is a movie called The Glass House.
Not sure if you have seen it, but I would watch it. It is really good, and shocking at the same time.

Here is a brief preview"
"After the parents of Ruby (Leelee Sobieski) and her younger brother, Rhett (Trevor Morgan), are killed in a car crash, their parents' best friends, Erin and Terry Glass (Diane Lane, Stellan Skarsgard), become their guardians. The children hear promises of a world of opulence and California fun -- all they have to do is move into the Glasses' gated house. Before very long, though, Ruby suspects that Erin and Terry may not be the ideal guardians they seemed to be."

bimbobaggins · 22/05/2018 07:23

Thanks marjorie will try to check that out
I’ve only really got one relative suitable to be a guardian so hopefully I’ve made the right choice! Although only another couple of years and my ds won’t need one

marjorie25 · 28/05/2018 20:34

bimbobaggins:
You need to get really good legal advice.
I would scatter the money so that your daughter do not receive all in payment.
She will have to attend university - anybody can say what they want, but that college experience is well worth it.
I would give her something so that she can take a gap year before going off to university - improve maturity and outlook on life.
Money will be available to pay for college.
Something at age 25 or when completed college, she should know by then where she wants to settle.
Another payout at say 30 -35 and 45.
That may seem old, but you and I know as women, we are the ones that are left with the children in times of divorce or relationship breaking down.
It is a right bitch when you find yourself at say 35 or 45 and completely broke.
I always tell my women friends, a man will always find another woman.
For us women, we become more choosier and it take us longer to form another relationship.
I would put this money in a trust, so that even if she get married, it cannot be touched.
Call me cynical, but I have been there. We take a chance when we form a relationship, but it hurts like hell when you are left with nothing after x number of years.
But try and get the movie and watch.

PinkSparklyPussyCat · 28/05/2018 20:46

We only made ours this year after DM died and we were able to clear the mortgage. We leave everything to each other, and when the second one dies the estate will be split between DH's adult children and my godchildren.

I sometimes feel guilty that his children won't get anything until I'm gone if he dies before me but we only have the house and I'm not giving up my share for them!

marjorie25 · 28/05/2018 21:42

There is nothing you can do about that. But please make sure that your stuff is air tight.
I read a story the other day and it bought tears to my eyes. This lady married with 2 children, the step father was very nice to the children whilst the mother was alive. Their will stated that he would share everything between his children and hers.
Well she died before him (obviously she had money). After the funeral etc, the stepfather phoned the children told them he could not stand them and only tolerated them whilst their mother was living. He then said that everything now will be going to his children.
If only the mother had secured her children's future before the marriage.
As I told my sister, sort out your finances because as much as you love your husband, nobody can love your children like you.
In a nutshell give a man a good piece of sex and a nice blowjob and he is putty in your hands. For those who doubt it, well what can I say.

GETTINGLIKEMYMOTHER · 29/05/2018 18:49

We have mirror wills, leaving everything to each other.

I must be very inconsistent, because while I trust Dh not to remarry and leave everything to a new wife, instead of to dds (we are both past retirement age) there are very few other men I'd trust to do the same.
Maybe I should re-think - I do have assets in my own name...

A few years ago I met a woman whose father had had mid stage dementia. The family had recruited a seemingly very competent and well-referenced live in carer for him - an ex nurse.

Within a very short time, this woman had complete control over him, had turned him against his family and had apparently made him afraid to see them. She then took him off to the other side of the world and married him, after which he rewrote his will, leaving everything to her, and it was a substantial estate.

Since he had not been officially deemed to lack capacity, there was nothing they could do.
He died not long afterwards.
They appealed the will in court, arguing that their father had not been competent to make these decisions, but the woman was apparently so clever and plausible that they lost.
Chillingly scary.

bimbobaggins · 29/05/2018 21:58

Thanks marjorie i have had legal advice and my will drawn up by a solicitor. More to sort out guardianship rather than an estate! I am happy with my choice although I do joke about it. Hopefully I’ll make it through the next few years until my ds reaches adulthood . Sorry I know I shouldn’t make light of the situation but it does help with a difficult topic.

Chimichangaz · 29/05/2018 23:13

I just came on mn to say I am getting my will done on Friday and found this thread! Spooky.

I'm a single mum with a 17yo ds. Quite straightforward (vast majority to him, small bits to other relatives) until you start to think about 'what if'. I.E. if he predeceases me (god forbid), how much to leave to others, what about friends etc. Hopefully more straightforward than I am currently thinking....

Flip