Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Money matters

Find financial and money-saving discussions including debt and pension chat on our Money forum. If you're looking for ways to make your money to go further, sign up to our Moneysaver emails here.

Flip

Original poster

Can I do anything about this?

22 replies

ohreallyohreallyoh · 28/04/2018 23:52

Long story short, two of my children were daft enough to take a considerable sum of money from their money boxes to their father’s house to buy some apps to out on their tech he keeps for them there. Said money was found and confiscated by his girlfriend, with dad’s knowledge. They have refused to return it, saying I would let them spend it all on sweets and that they will put it in a saving’s account. This is money given by my family. I am 99% sure there are no savings accounts.

I am fuming, with myself for not getting it in the bank quickly enough and with them for not doing the decent thing and returning it to me (which is what I would have done had it happened the other way around). My children are very upset and want me to get it back but I am struggling to see how. I assume the police would have no interest but I am wondering if small claims might be a possibility?

I know it seems petty but he pays no maintenance, I struggle to get by and this money was given by my family as a means by which to help me out by providing some savings and some spending money that I simply cannot give them. I am pretty sure they will have just taken it and added it to their own pockets and laughed their heads of at me in the process.

OP posts:

Firstworlddramas · 28/04/2018 23:57

Ask for proof of deposit into savings or your children will regard it as theft and report it as such??

Original poster

ohreallyohreallyoh · 29/04/2018 00:26

He would just brush me off. There is no proof, we both know that, but he would just say there is.

Do you really think it could be made a police matter?

OP posts:

Sunflowersforever · 29/04/2018 09:55

How much are we talking about? If it's fairly large, then yes, do contact the police. They've kept someone's money!

Original poster

ohreallyohreallyoh · 29/04/2018 10:29

£200. Not huge but a lot to me and obviously a small fortune to children.

OP posts:

GreenEyedGoose · 29/04/2018 10:31

I would ask for proof of banking it or tell him you will let the dc know they stole their money.

How fucking dare they

PetulantPolecat · 29/04/2018 10:45

If you say you gave them the money to buy the tech, he can say no but he then needs to return the money to you. If he refuses, then maybe you can claim theft?

Original poster

ohreallyohreallyoh · 29/04/2018 10:46

He won’t give me proof. There is no point I following that line. The children are very aware and very upset. I am glad you think it’s wrong - he has blamed me for letting him out of the house with it (and so I’m not allowed the money back like some irresponsible 12 year old!).

OP posts:

Original poster

ohreallyohreallyoh · 29/04/2018 10:49

My ex is thick skinned and not scared of anything. If I threaten police, I will need to do it. Because it was the girlfriend who took the money, I thought it would be more sensible to pursue her (she works in financial services so won’t want a CCJ) which is why I’m wondering if small claims is a possibility? I have a text from him which acknowledges the money is with them so there is evidence in that sense?

OP posts:

KnittinKitten · 29/04/2018 10:51

Police. It’s the only language bullying pricks understand. Don’t even tell him you’re calling them as he will just have time to think up a cover story. Just call them and he’ll have to think on his feet when they arrive at the door.

Dermymc · 29/04/2018 17:32

Police. Why are you so scared of doing this? He's a twat anyway and it sounds like your relationship can't deteriorate any further.

NoTNoShade · 29/04/2018 17:37

Surely his relationship with his own children is going to deteriorate massively if they think he’s taken their money. Can they tell him they already have bank accounts and that they will put the money in it order to get it back?

greathat · 29/04/2018 19:01

Call local police and ask for their advice

rollingonariver · 29/04/2018 19:07

You can go to the police. Do it.
Don't let them bully you anymore; police will also tell you if you can go to small claims with it.

NeedAUsernameGenerator · 29/04/2018 19:12

It's your money really isn't it even though it was allocated to be used for the children. Can you make this clear to your ex and if he still insists on keeping it then consider the police? Why doesn't he pay maintenance?

Sunflowersforever · 29/04/2018 20:56

@greathat has nailed it. Call the police and say you are asking advice. Don't tell him you're doing it. You can then choose to act on the advice or not.

Aprilmightbemynewname · 29/04/2018 20:59

She has stolen your dc's cash. Why wouldn't you report her?

Original poster

ohreallyohreallyoh · 30/04/2018 10:56

Thanks. I will call to ask for advice. I am reluctant to do anything because our relationship is so difficult - u fortunately my ex struggles to separate me from the children and they bear the brunt of problems. His girlfriend is very unpleasant and name calls me and other stuff which upsets them. Sometimes, the right thing to do is to let it go. However, I think this time I need to make a stand so I will call the police and ask for advice. Thanks agai .

OP posts:

PetulantPolecat · 30/04/2018 11:52

Think about what your kids must be thinking. Their Dad took their money and their mum won’t do anything. I think they need to see you at least try standing up to him and for them. Be their hero, OP. Even if you don’t get their money back.

AllyMcBeagle · 30/04/2018 14:13

I'm a bit confused - they went to Ex's house with cash to buy apps for the tech he has at his house. How were they going to purchase the apps with cash? Or were they going to buy gift cards at eg Apple Store to use?

I don't know enough to advise properly but possibly there might be some kind of small claim here - maybe something like unjust enrichment - if the police won't get involved. It might be worth seeing if there is a free legal clinic near you (www.lawworks.org.uk/legal-advice-individuals/find-legal-advice-clinic-near-you) who can consider the matter properly and maybe write a pre-action letter to your ex and his GF threatening to sue as this might prompt them to give the money back. It might be worth posting this on the legal forum here too in case anyone has any bright ideas?

RedHelenB · 30/04/2018 15:07

As far as im aware there is nothing in law to stop a parent pocketing money given to their child. If he doesn't pay maintenance and has a job I would pursue it through cms.

Original poster

ohreallyohreallyoh · 30/04/2018 15:18

In my house, if they want an app or some credit for a game, we discuss the cost and if they want to go ahead, they give me the cash. They were taking cash to dad’s house because they assumed he would do the same. Why he took so much is anyone’s guess but I think it’s as simple as it was in his wallet, he wanted cash and picked up the wallet.

My ex is self employed Red, he has a £nil assessment with the CSA.

OP posts:

Pleasebeafleabite · 30/04/2018 19:57

What a complete knob he is Oh

I think you will have a hard job proving it in a small claims court as it was their money and they are minors. I think I might say that it was my money that was taken which I had lent to the childrent and ask him to return it. Then when he doesn't you can rely on your text message evidence to pursue the small claims route.

Jeremy Kyle was made for this, he would shame them into it

Flip