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Original poster

Who should pay the bill on a first date?

57 replies

Justposting · 26/04/2018 22:34

Do you offer to pay half the bill on a first date or do you let the man pay for your meal?

And if you’re a man do you get offended when the women offer to pay, or is this something which is expected?

OP posts:
heathers00 · 01/05/2018 18:59

Always be prepeared to pay your half but I think the balance leans towards who gave the invite.

RBBMummy · 01/05/2018 19:01

Whoever proposed the date. Simple

DairyisClosed · 01/05/2018 19:05

The person who was asked out suggests splitting the bill. The person who did the asking out insists on paying/has already paid when they excused themselves earlier to 'use the facilities'. If anything else happens then it is advisable to have a long hard think before agreeing to another date.

sonlypuppyfat · 01/05/2018 19:06

It's been a long time since I dated but I never ever paid, and it wasn't expected

newroundhere · 01/05/2018 19:06

I used the word “offer” because my DH has never asked or accepted me to pay for any of our dates

Why is it up to him who pays? Is he always the one who invites you out?

PinkHeart5914 · 01/05/2018 19:07

Always 50/50 if you want an equal relationship you should start from the very beginning.......

HappyFeet1212 · 01/05/2018 19:18

For me, absolutely 50:50. It says something about who I am & the type of relationship I am looking for.

If he wants a doormat he can bribe with food, he can look elsewhere. I don't need a man to pay my way, I do need a man who respects me. My family life with my husband is based on equal partnership in all regards: ability to financially provide, childcare, housework etc.

Admittedly, this won't be the same for everyone. For men looking for an equal partner, it would be a red flag if the women expected to be paid for.

tinykirst · 01/05/2018 19:26

On a first date it should be whoever asked.
I would always try and pay and split the bill but it's nice and 'gentleman-ly' for the man to pay.

Don't care for all the feminist stuff, I'd like to be treated like a princess 😂

AnchorDownDeepBreath · 01/05/2018 19:30

I'd always pay my way.

I'm all for being gentleman-ly and treated well; but that's a lot more than paying for a meal. Lovely as it is if DP pays, I have no qualms splitting the bill or paying.

I really hate the school of thought that the man has to pay; or it's somehow better if he does. Surely that only applies if you live in 1952 or you're broke and dating for food.

MistressDeeCee · 01/05/2018 19:36

No. If a man asks me out, he pays. I see this question in different forms all over the place lately. I don't get why. Surely you go with what suits you on this? Date money is chump change quibbling

There's a thread on FB today with women falling over themselves to prove to random men with misogynistic comments, that 'I pay my own way!'🙄

Each to their own.

AnchorDownDeepBreath · 01/05/2018 19:39

No. If a man asks me out, he pays.

Why? And do you apply the same rule if a female friend asks you if you want to go for a meal?

Do you feel the man should pay because you're putting on an audition to be his partner?

I just genuinely don't get why.

expatinscotland · 01/05/2018 19:39

Nope, no 50/50 or bill splitting. Each pays for what he/she had to eat and drink.

lostinjapan · 01/05/2018 20:02

Isn’t ‘the person who does the asking pays’ a rather convenient and sneaky way of saying the man should pay? Because the man is traditionally the one who is ‘supposed’ to do the chasing. Just look at the threads on here where women expect the man to always send the first text.

I also find it funny when women think men are stingy for ‘only’ paying half the bill. But then they sit back and offer nothing (or half heartedly offer to pay half and then get pissed off if he accepts) and that’s not stingy at all?! I would be ashamed of myself if I behaved like that. I always insist on 50/50. And if a man didn’t allow me to contribute it would be a big turn off.

littlecabbage · 01/05/2018 20:08

I would always split the bill, 50:50. And if the man kicked up a stink about my insistence to do so, that would put me off him, as I would suspect he didn’t view women as equal to men.

expatinscotland · 01/05/2018 20:09

One too many dates where the person asked me out to dinner, and I'm perfectly happy to pay for mine, but if I were on a budget I'd stick to cheaper items, they'd go for broke and then say, '50/50?' Nope. I'm not subbing your starter that you scoffed down, expensive main, dessert, fancy coffee and 3 craft brews.

nibblingandbiting · 01/05/2018 20:18

I go for 50/50 and sometimes I ask the guy out.
Sometimes the guy insists on paying regards of who asked who.
I don't think it's stingy either if the guy doesn't offer to pay. Why should he?
Sometimes he won't accept my offer, sometimes he does.

LockedOutOfMN · 01/05/2018 20:24

50:50, always.

HollowTalk · 01/05/2018 20:31

Do you all pay 50:50 exactly with friends, then? Do none of your friends treat you or you treat them?

I think splitting the bill 50:50 puts the date firmly in the friends zone, though I know that'll get shouted at here.

expatinscotland · 01/05/2018 20:31

Don't get why so many insist '50/50' in dating situations but if you were in a group dining out so many say you should all just pay for what you consumed plus tip.

MistressDeeCee · 01/05/2018 20:33

Anchor you don't need to ask me 'Why'. Just do you.

cheshiremama89 · 01/05/2018 20:50

Who asked who...

I would never see someone again who expected me to pay half IF they asked me out.

isawahatonce · 01/05/2018 20:55

Two possibilities:
split the bill
person who asked the other one on the date pays
I do kind of think it's rude to expect the other person to contribute if the date was your idea, especially if you've chosen where to go, but it's ok if they offer to pay half

MistressDeeCee · 01/05/2018 21:06

Although come to think of it..it was my birthday on Saturday and a friend took me for a meal. Yes, she paid.

Anchor I didn't see your full question before sorry, was viewing on phone screen so it looked like a stark 1 liner.

If I ask someone out for a meal I will pay. Be that friend or prospective partner. If I can't afford it then I won't. I expect the exact same of a man.

Men who ask a woman out and expect her to pay for the privilege don't interest me. I have food in my house, girlfriends I can go out with. I don't need the favour.

I once went on a date with a man who was very smartly dressed including Vivienne Westwood shoes..I will never forget it. He asked me to order so I did - my meal only came to £15. When the bill came he made it clear he expected me to pay for my meal. No problem- I did that.

2 days later, belligerent phone call re why I hadn't got in touch. I guess that meant I'd passed the test. However- I didn't want to be chosen so that was that.

I didn't like the feeling that he was somehow testing to see if I'd brought money with me.

OH paid on 1st date and a few more. Then I paid, etc. We got together, our money is shared money and that's it. We are in a relationship with no monetary fuss whatsoever. It's not as if him paying on 1st few dates caused some huge imbalance.

I like being courted and treated and have a mind women are expected not to like that, or at least not admit it. I do like it tho. So for me its each to their own.

MrsWhirly · 01/05/2018 21:07

The person who did the asking should pay for the first date.

AnchorDownDeepBreath · 01/05/2018 21:16

Mistress No, definitely wasn't meant as a coarse one liner! I was genuinely interested. Fair play; I can totally understand expecting the person who asks to pay overall; if you apply it to friends too. That's not a bad policy.

Thanks for taking the time to explain! Smile