So I'm getting taken to court - what happens next?

[choccybickie]

I've posted this on lone parents but hoped I might get further advice on here. Basically I allow my son's father unlimited access at my house (which he has NEVER taken up) and 3 hours a week where he takes him away to his parents house. My son is only 5 months old and this is the amount of time I feel comfortable with him being away from me. Last week his father refused to bring him home leaving me in total despair until he finally arrived with him 20 mins late. I feel that I've lost any trust I had in him and would prefer supervised visits from now on.

However, I received word today that he is taking me to court so he can have him overnight every wednesday and all day every sunday. Will they give him this? I'm so worried and upset right now I don't know what to do

first of do you have a solicitor? are you keeping a diary of all your goings on with xp? are you BF'ing?

Sorry for being think what's bf'ing?! Yes I have a solicitor as contact is already agreed through our solicitors. I have a record of all texts, conversations etc since all the trouble started

breastfeeding

No im not. Sorry for that my brain cells have disintegrated

I think that the courts will only grant contact in relation to that he's already been having - ie the three hours unsupervised. They shouldn't just turn around and award a whole weekend for example because of your dc's age. If you are breastfeeding then this is a good argument for no overnight visits. Is your xp a good parent generally or do you have reservations? If so, make them known NOW to your solicitor.

BIG reservations had to stop further contact going ahead at the min because he refused to bring him back last weekend until I went for him and I had no transport to do so

any court will have to decide with your ds's welfare as its paramount consideration...... depending on your local court's practice / level of court the first hearing may be a conciliation appointment (an informal hearing to try to resolve matters at an early stage)..... if matters proceed to a contested hearing (where the court will decide) you will have a full opportunity to put your side of things (in a written statement / and by giving evidence).
from what you say and from general principles you have behaved reasonably and he has behaved badly.... on the face of it what he is asking for is way too ambitious given your son's age. speak to your solicitor about your worries / questions. good luck!

I can understand why you feel you can't trust him. The way I read it, he wants to see his son more but not in your house. If he's going to be fully involved in his life that's not a bad thing as he will need to get used to having him on his own in his own surroundings. He's gone about it in the wrong way though and refusing to bring him back on time is just an idiotic thing to do.

The court will hope that between you you will be able to sort out arrangements that you are both happy with, and only as a last resort will they make the decision about how much contact he has. They will probably appoint a Court Welfare Officer who will come see each of you, hear your points of view and make recommendations to the Court about what contact they think is reasonable. They will possibly look at a timetable of how contact can be increased gradually over a period of time.

What I would say though is to try and sort it out between you if you possibly can. In my dh's case, as far as I could see, going to Court polarised him and his x even further, and it was very drawn out and stressful for all involved, not least his dd. If you can't get legal aid it can be expensive too - although it is possible to represent yourself like my dh did. If there had been anyway he could have sorted things out without going to Court he would have done.

I don't think anyone would enjoy going to Court to enforce contact and IMHO, at that level, it's less about love for the child than point-scoring over the other parent.

My xp didn't take me to court as I suspected he would not (since he is not entitled to legal aid) and after a few years it was too much trouble for him to visit our dd at my house. At least your xp actually wants to see your dc. That is something to hang onto .

Maybe I've misunderstood you chocolategirl, but my dh went to Court absolutely because of his love for his dd and he was devastated at not being able to see her. It was nothing to do with scoring any points over his x or "getting back at her" as she claimed. He simply wanted to see his little girl and be part of her life and was being told he couldn't.

Fair enough Surfermum - I've heard too many stories of parents going through the battles of contact/custody but in their cases it was mainly to nark off the other parent rather than for love of their children. It's good to hear that a parent did it for the right reasons .

Dh is a good guy, and when I see what a great dad he is to our dd, and indeed to dsd (who we have loads of contact with now) I will never understand why his x stopped them seeing each other .