Tips for budget meeting with dh

[Prusik]

Long story short, our budgeting skills are awful. DH thinks I have a fixation that we're broke. I think we are broke. Credit card debt is constantly up and down. He buys wine, I feel guilty buying shoes if I need them.

We need to rearrange finances.

Currently I receive maternity allowance, child benefit and tax credits into my account. DH receives his wages into his (just above minimum wage). Most bills come out of my account but he pays a loan (£350) and our broadband. Some months he gives me a couple hundred quid. I mostly pay for food basics and stuff for the boys.

I propose that we pool resources. Don't know how it'll go down. Do we pool for petrol money?

How do I approach this without becoming all parental and telling him what to do? We need a joint approach. He sticks his head in the sand and doesn't like being told so I need to approach this as teamwork.

Any tips on creating a budget?

write down everything that comes in and everything that has to go out - absolutely everything.

See what's left

From what's left, decide if there's enough to save just a little bit as this will help you in the long run to not need to use a credit card for a new tyre

Again, if there's enough, give yourselves a little spending money each either in cash or into your own accounts that you can spend on gifts for one another and on yourselves without being answerable to anyone.

Try to include child expenses that you can plan for - clothing, trips and activities can usually be scheduled.

This needs to be done monthly or weekly depending on how often you get paid. If you're on MA and minimum wage, you're not going to have a lot left over after your bills I'd imagine.

This thread is only serving to make me cross at DH

I need to wait until the bathroom is made safe - he's spending every evening sorting it and then we'll sit down together to discuss. I just hope I can make him see. I don't want to take everything away from him but agree a set amount of personal spends so I don't have to try to defend my pot all the time

Just to clarify, he no longer has the business. He was earning more then but it became untenable. We conceived ds2 and then became broke

And so it should.
As I said in my very first post, he’s taking the piss and you’re letting him.

Honestly its as much you seeing that you cannot bail him out and give him money you dont have, and sacrifice eating stuff because of him. You should be cross

I don't know what more I can do. I'm going to speak to him. I think my method of just complaining every so often falls on deaf ears because it literally is just a nag rather than a proper discussion. I'll drag him to his therapist to mediate if necessary

You could stop giving him your credit card for starters

Credit card safely back in my grasp. Tbf I've looked at my credit card statement and it's just stuff for the bathroom on there. He's going to transfer me the money for those spends (or rather I'm going to log in, have a nosey and transfer myself some funds). We aren't able to sit down for a couple of weeks but as long as I have some cash for this month I don't mind

So we had the conversation and it went really well. We've got a plan moving forward with our own spending money. Feels good that I no longer have to worry what he's spending as I know he'll stay within his own budget

Oh that's great news!
Let us know how you get on over the next few months, if you have the energy- yay!

That is really postive, let’s hope it lasts and he really get it. Well done you!

Well done. Great news that you have managed to sort this out with him.

DH has spanked every penny of his spending money this month tbf it was mostly on clothes and a present for me, which is yet to be delivered. However, he just gave me a little speech outlining how he intends to budget - including annual bills, rainy day money, money to spend on the boys and fun money. Those are the exact categories he named

Prusik come and join us on the Frugaleers thread..

Ha! HE needs YNAB...

You have a meeting with your dh? [shocked]

We didn't have a meeting at all. More just I said "i need bills money and want to have separate spending money" and he said ok

Tbf it was a little more detailed than that but you get what I'm saying.

I think ynab is where he got the phrases from. We used it last year and he didn't like it because he felt it made him too poor. I bloody loved it

I dont agree with having a joint bank account solely. Some will agree, others wont. How would you feel if your husband went and spent £250 on something leaving you with £50 to yourself for the rest of the month?

We have separate accounts. We pay in to a joint account to cover bills and food shopping and both pay a set amount into 2 joint savings accounts. Whatever is left is ours to spend as we wish. Don't agree with each other being able to see who spent what on every little thing. It smells like control to me.

We have the bills account as a joint account but neither of us have a card for it. It's just the account which the direct debits come out. I much prefer having my own account tbh. We do treat all money as family money but DH definitely wastes more than I do. Hence the separate accounts.

No problem with having your own account OP, that’s something I would never give up for anyone. Joint account for bills and DC’s needs here too.