Sending money to family

[pearl1987]

My mums sister and her partner has 6 kids and they are short on money. One of her daughters is named after me. Since then I have been sending money every second month to support the family when they ask - it's been going on for 6 years now. But I am struggling because I am now pregnant and saving for my own baby. I really cannot afford to send them money and I feel guilty if I can't help them. My DH is angry that I send money to begin with. I also send money to my brothers and my mum. I am only a sales assistant and earning minimum wage. I don't know what to do. Shall I continue to send because of the position they are in or do I focus on my own family now?

Unfortunately for them your circumstances have changed...you now need to focus on your own needs and put you and your baby first! I could understand with 1 or 2 kids but it's a mickey take with 6 kids if they can't afford to have 6 kids they shouldn't have them! Sorry for the harsh words but I really do believe it as it's not fair on the children.

Focus on your own family.

I've done this in the past and I still do occasionally if I have the money to spare and they are short but now I have to focus on my own family now.

I still feel guilty but equally they are adults with their own problems as you are and so I try not to let it consume me.

They will just need to sort their situation out themselves otherwise you will struggle even more and that's not fair either.

☺️

Hi, congratulations on the baby!
Just wanted to say starting a family is so financially difficult with the high cost of living without having the added burden of having to take care of a second family.

I would suggest letting them know that your circumstances have now changed and you can no longer financially support them. However be prepared for them to keep requesting help- you need to be firm and think of your own family.

Do help out when you can (because you are a nice person and don't want people to suffer) but don't let them rely on you (because it is not really your responsibility).

I was in a similar situation when my kids were younger, I just had to block them out of my life . But now that the kids are grown I can support them a bit more (most of it is money that I put away to give to charity)

I know you feel guilty because you have seen the hardship they are in. But you need to be strong

What the fuck? You're sending money to them even though you're only on minimum wage? You don't earn enough to be doing this. Put a stop to it and stop being a mug, they should get their own jobs.

By the way, this is coming from someone who sends money to various relatives however to be frank I earn 6 figures can genuinely afford it.

and can

Thank you everyone I think it is definitely best for me to stop. Neither of them have jobs by the way. I just feel like they don't try but because I love their kids to bits I would do anything for them.

Make sure that you act like you love your own kid and are in a financial position to look after them properly.

Tell them in advance that you can no longer afford to support them financially.

please stop. and dont feel guilty about it.
a simple message. with the news that i am pregnant, i am saving hard for our changed circumstances so will not be able to help out.
why your aunt would take money from her neice on minimum wage is beyond me

Where are you getting all the money from to send to all these family members. No wonder your dh is angry. Focus on your own family and don’t feel guilty

Just tell them - you need the money for your family now. Tbh I'd be angry too

How much in relation to your own wages are you sending them op? Is it in the U.K.?
If you have propped them up financially for over 6 years then they will be in for a bit of a shock but unfortunately that is their problem.
You couldn't sustain that forever and it's unfair of them to expect otherwise.

You sound like a very kind person, it's now your turn and to spend your hard earned money on your unborn baby and treat yourself too