Does anyone else worry over money constantly?

[Gohackyourself]

Just to clarify, all of my bills are paid, shopping money etc An have money left to enjoy.But I just can’t seem to stop worrying over how much things cost, how I will afford xyz in the future .

I was an LP for 5 years and now have a lovely partner who I live with an contributes equally- so I now have extra monies.but in my 5 years on own I now owe money on credit cards that I’m paying off which will take a year or two. It doesn’t stop us doing things at all, but I just feel guilty say booking a hol an enjoying it, for the thought that I shouldn’t be and should have used that money for the cc’s.
My dp has debts after being divorced around 6 years too.he’s sorting out too, but he’s more relaxed about it saying he pays extra to them every month an they will come down eventually but he needs to live as well.
I feel like I sound like the Scrooge all the time , moaning about the price of food, value for money on things we buy an even the state of the country due to value for money/services etc it’s like I can’t switch off the LP part of me an how tight money was an still can be .
Im unhappy in my job but it’s well paid an I kinda have a pipe dream that when I loose my father who is last remaining family , I’ll move to the country an start a life I’d enjoy rather than bear.But of course although my father is elderly, hopefully he’s a good few years yet. It just feels like now I’m over 40 and spent years as LP I’m anxious over everything to do with financial security, getting myself free of smallish debt and actually getting kids offhand and living a life I want not based on earnings/savings and supporting a family .

There's no guarantee you'll inherit money ! Your dad could have to have nursing home care. This has happened to two of my close friends recently and they ended up with very little inheritance.

Babyroobs I never mentioned inheritance at all from my father?!?! I mentioned that when I loose my father who ll be my last remaining tie- I’ll perhaps be free to move to the country.

Yes, I’m a LP too and I have these exact worries about money. I am an anxious type anyway, but I am very careful with my money and always worry that I will run out.

My DP (we don’t live together) sounds very similar to yours, he is much more laidback. Its a good combination to be honest, he encourages me to treat myself and that I don’t have to save every single spare penny.

He does smile at my spreadsheets though

Money was tight when I was growing up too, which I think contributes to the general feeling that it could run out, even though like you I have a good job.

Oh sorry if I misunderstood !! Apologies.

I'm trying to relax more now.
I don't have any debts, and both dh and I are in jobs that are not too precarious / short term, so I could worry less, but I think, once you have spent some years accounting for every penny, then it becomes ingrained.
I still love a bargain, and I am stille goggle -eyed on here sometimes at what some people spend (whether it is on the pocket money threads of what your dd's prom cost or what you spend on a hair cut, or what you give your dc at University, or, especially the style and Beauty links sometimes). There's a thread running now about how much money you should have saved after everything paid for when buying first house and I am, once again, agog at the fact people think you would have any money set aside at a time when you have just paid out for what you have spent years saving for, let alone that you have money for new furniture and decorating etc at that time .

tbh, if someone gave me a million pounds tomorrow, I wish I genuinely think I would still worry about money. I would worry that it was being spent wisely and getting the best value for money and that I wasn't being ripped off. It is just ingrained.

I so get you. Me and dh are comfortable, can do what we want (within reason) have savings, holidays etc. Plenty of money left at the end of the month.

However 10 years ago I was in a very different situation as a lone parent. Earnt too much to get any help but didn't get a penny in maintenance so even a semi decent salary doesn't go very far when it has to pay for everything for an adult and 3 kids. I feel mentally scarred from that time. I don't like spending anything that doesn't have to be spent. I still have a skint person mentality. It's so weird. It drives dh nuts lol.

Backforgood- that so would be me too with a lottery win !( if I played the lottery An didn’t see it as a waste of money )
I grew up very poor an bought up by my dad alone with my brother- so like u say it’s been ingrained from young.
I don’t know the answer in relaxing either- it’s like I need a higher mortal to tell me it’s ok to be paying the debts but being fortunate enough to have a little fun too.
My job is secure enough ( in today’s climate anyhow) but it’s just like I’ve forgotten how it feels to not worry- An money seems to be a focus of my worry.
I’ve come through two divorces due to cheating dh’s and the last one was cheating with money too that I’ve felt all of my life bar my twenties when young optimism was there that I’ve worried over coming unstuck in some way.maybe the rug always being pulled from under my feet by my mum, an 2 partners has made me that way. I live with impending sense of doom even unconsciously .
My dp now is lovely but I know I frustrate him massively discussing my worries over simplest spends etc I just don’t know how to change- it’s like I need a ten step guide!?

Bump for evening

Tbh, I can see how you'd worry - you've got debt, no savings and won't be out of debt for a while...

I reckon a point when it's easy to relax is when you've got no debt and enough savings to last you a few months in case of redundancy or illness etc.

We owe six grand (ish)on the mortgage, between us we net £5.5 k a month...he works full time, I do 20 hours a week, we generally have £1k in my current account and as we approach payday his account generally has the the same in it.

We have one two week holiday a year, stay in a nice apartment, fly club class, don't stint whilst we are on holidays and yet in day to day life I worry about money all the time.

At 54 (me) and 62 it is starting to piss me off considerably.

Jojosm2-
I do have savings though also- so if anything goes wrong like my car or something in the home I can fix, also see me through a month or two without pay.
Lovemanytrustfew- your in a beautiful position ... an you still worry! There’s no hope then I guess!

I can so relate. Except the other way around. I took a £950 pay cut by going part time. Our childcare costs dropped massively but it's not all chikdcare and we're about £350/month worse off. This was all earmarked for things like Christmas, birthdays, holidays, repairs, haircuts etc. We still put money aside for those things but not as much. I've found it really stressful. It's been about readjusting our expectations.

We have money in savings (which I feel we dip into too much, with no way of replacing) and money to pay the bills and the basic extras. We also have another (surprise) baby on the way so it's going to get tighter. What I do do, is save towards all of the variables each month and transfer it to a separate bank account which means we have quite a large pot (all individual items are tracked on a spreadsheet) and because it never all gets withdrawn each month we never run out iyswim. So in theory we're ok but it requires us to be strict.

I am however planing on changing my job after maternity leave which will see me self employed and if it all pans out then we'll be able to save properly again and to be able to put more towards the nice things like Christmas and birthdays.

Yes. Constantly.

I should be better than I am with money tbh. Ex h was shit so I took all responsibility.

It's long and short term that troubles me. Also there's always something needing to be done with the house. We need a new hoover. I bought a reconditioned dyson last year but it's not up to the job. I do try and buy second hand stuff but if it's shit then it's a false economy.

I use a good budgeting tool (YNAB) and current DH is on board, so no money dramas there, but just a heavy overcoat of worry about never having enough.

I know on threads like these people who grew up in poverty will stockpile stuff in fear of running out. But that wasn't my childhood. My reasons is from ex h, but still seems deeply ingrained!

I do. Things are ok at the moment (as in roof over our heads,food, heating, bills paid) but I have a health condition that will only get worse so I worry about the future. I have savings but cannot bear to go below a certain amount so find myself being a tight arse which I think impacts on the fun we have now. I worry that I will look back on my youth and relatively healthy years and wish I had enjoyed the money while I could rather than cling onto it because of fear of the future.

I totally agree with both of you- it’s so tough.

I struggle with the dilemma of paying off debts an have some fun or pay it all to debts an have no fun.

Me. It’s a hangover from childhood.

I do all the time - every day. A reflection of the fact that we currently live to our income, our overheads are high and I feel my job is uncertain. Although objectively we have a comfortable life. I'm hoping things improve in the next couple of years.

I get how you feel. It takes a long time, if ever, to get over years of being short of money.
We had no spare money growing up in the 50’s and 60’s and I was in a financially abusive marriage in the 80’s where I sometimes had 20p in my purse. My children used to ask me who toys etc they had, used to belong to! I had no access to a bank account. As my children grew up and went to university there was constant worry about how I could help them as the loans barely covered their rents.
It wasn’t until the last 15 years when I was able to teach full time, meet my amazing partner, buy my own house, that I felt my financial life was improving.
In the last 12 months both of my very elderly parents have died leaving me and my sister with a small inheritance. But as I am 61, small teachers pension and no state pension until I am 66, I still worry that the money will run out!
Old habits die hard, I still look for sale bargains, charity shop, eBay etc, voucher codes, don’t waste food etc even though I’m more comfortably off than ever before.

I think your perfectly normal lol! When you've been through really normal life rather than being born with a silver spoon in your mouth, you generally treasure every penny you have even when you have lots of them!!
I had a rough ride when i was mid-late teens and earns £50 a week but my rent was £40 a week, no hot water, barely any electric etc, then i worked full time with a child on my own. It is ingrained in me to watch every penny and ill be honest has caused friction between me and my DH of nearly 12 years. But he understands thankfully.
That said, now im 35 and have unfortunately witnessed and held the hands of very close family members who have had their lives took too quickly and passed away, it has changed my outlook slightly.
Life is for living, you do need to save and think of tomorrow but you can't deny today completely because of tomorrow as who knows what's round the corner.

P.s i totally agree about the lottery! Me and my DH have had laughable arguments over the fact we would probably end up divorced purely as he'd go nuts with it all and i wouldn't be able to cope with him!!

Thank you for sharing your thoughts- I’m glad that I’m not going mad!!