How do you cope with a financially useless partner?

[FloweryFloral]

DP is useless with money. He earns well, has what I consider to be a good amount of money spare each month, but somehow it all just goes.

He's in debt, has a bad credit score and I just don't think he really cares.

I want to be able to build a future with someone (ideally him!), think about getting a bigger house, saving, investing, pensions etc. Meanwhile he's spanking every penny he has and more.

Has anyone ever got past this where you're both very different with finances and managed to rein the chronic spender in!? If so, how?!

I've been with my other half for ten years and watched his Porche forcibly taken off our driveway and numerous bailiffs. He earns good money but spends it all and is terrible with paying back credit cards and loans. We had a joint mortgage which ended up even with a county court judgement to pay off a £10k debt he accrued.

I sold our property and completely severed ties with him financially. I bought a house in my own name, our banking is separate, and all assets and bills are in my name only.

I even refuse to marry my dh as I don't want to be legally liable to him or anything. He has no pension or any assets other than the state and he'd be piss poor if I left him (I have kicked him our before).

I have in my own right worked for 25 years to build up pensions and assets and savings of a considerable sum by I worked bloody hard for it . We both earn the same and he hands over a fair amount for living costs but whereas I save or pension the rest, he spends it on crap.

I stay with him as he has some other excellent qualities. I took 2 years out of work to raise children and he completely supported me by being the breadwinner at the time with no grumbles.

You either make peace with it and protect yourself like I have done or you go separate ways.

The peace of mind that no bailiff can come to my door as I own everything in my name is incredible comforting.

This thread has really opened my eyes- I was very switched on to all the domestic and social labour that women do in families. But I hadn't realised how many men are out there continuing their adolescence financially too.
Here's to bringing up sons who don't put our daughters through this shit.

My DP is a bit useless in regards to money due to his terrible memory. He always has money but forgets to pay bills.

I'm like a previous poster above, he has to be treated like a child. He has to put a certain amount in our joint bills and a certain amount in our savings account. I prefer having all the direct debits etc set up to come out of the joint account as then I know the bills have been paid!

Actually CookieDough I think your method of dealing with things might be the best way. I am going to lay out to him that this is his choice - if he wants to continue to be reckless with his money then everything will be separate and my assets will be mine alone. The house will stay in my name, any future homes will be in my name and I won't marry him. No plans for more DC and my existing DC is not his.

If DP doesn't want this future then it's up to him to sort his finances to the point I'm comfortable and can trust him enough to be financially linked to him. At least then I can sleep easy knowing I'll never be dragged into his shitstorm or have my hard earned and saved assets seized for the sake of his daily sandwiches.

Flowery I don't think there is any other option. Trust me, I've even reviewed the situation with a lawyer and financial advisor as I wanted my assets completely ring fenced. Even I die, my dh will not be inheriting anything other than a proportion of my pension. Can't afford to have him piss up the wall. I'd rather pay the tax man a chunk and give the rest to my dcs than have him take it all and fritter it away. And I've designated my brother and instructed an independent financial firm as wealth advisor and executor of my will as can't trust dh to make even basic sensible financial decisions in the event of my death.

On the plus side dh knows to be nice to me as his life age 45 would be fucked if I were to leave him. It's not nice but even he has a small brain to process the truth.