Money fight with DH

[Oregonmom]

This is more a vent post than seeking advice, but I won't dismiss any good advice given.

So my DH's best friend from childhood is getting married, which is great. He wants to buy him an amazing gift which I'm all for. It'll cost about £700. When he said that I agreed and said I'll manage our budget to make it happen.

Fast forward a few days when I'm discussing the hotel accommodations. We live about 4 hours drive from where the wedding will be, so I planned that we would go the day before the wedding and leave the day after (2 nights at the hotel. We have a young child who is 1. I'm telling my husband about the accommodations and he said he would rather we only stayed one night, check out at the usual time then go to the wedding site 4 hours before the start, then drive home that same night. I asked why. He said to be able to afford the gift for his friend. Now, I'm the one who manages the budget and I told him we can afford to spend the 2 nights and buy the gift, but he insisted I cancel the second night. I got very upset and told him I feel like he wants to do this nice thing for his friend at the expense of the family. His response to me was "Fine, I'll go whore out myself to pay for my friend's gift and you can do whatever you want".

I just find his response so over the top and honestly insulting. I am now wondering if I'm being selfish to want to stay 2 nights rather than 1 since I know all the driving will be hard on our child

You overreacted and then he REALLY badly overreacted. I hope you apologise to each other and grow up about it.

I think just say that you and the baby would like to get some sleep, you want to feel refreshed and have time to get ready. And the baby might go to bed a little early and it would be unreasonable to keep your DC up until the end of the reception. If you've already agreed to the very expensive present, don't throw that back in your H's face.

And yes, I'd say it's 1M% reasonable to stay for 2 nights.

He's got money problems you're not aware of.

Eh? He wants to drive back after the party??? That sounds dangerous!

In any case, if you both lost it then the row is about more than just that. It's unusual for one partner to totally manage the budget. Do you both have feelings about that? Have either/both of you mucked things up financially in the past? You need to have a sensible chat about why you both went off at the deep end! (And apologise...)

To be honest £700 is ludicrous amount of money to spend on a wedding present even a best friend, out of interest what did he get you for your wedding?

Oh and if he’s worrying about the cost of an extra night in the hotel, then quite frankly he can’t really afford to pay £700 for a gift.

You can bye him something just as nice for a lot less money.

No way would I want to drive home after a wedding, if you’re doing only one night at the hotel at least make it the night of the party!

But £700 is ridiculous amount to spend on a friends wedding present anyway!!

YANBU, but he is being ridiculous. £700 gift when you can't afford 2 nights in a hotel?

It’s not anything to do with the gift - it’s not going to be nice for your family to drive back the same night, dangerous and unpleasant.

Surely he wants to enjoy the wedding in a relaxing way?

If he is that worried about affording, why doesn’t he give £100 less, it’s still an amazing gift.

What he said wasn’t nice - but of course people say all kinds of silly shit when arguing

Can you find a cheaper hotel?

£700?! Unless you're rolling in cash then no.

Something funny going on

£700 is indeed ludicrous.

You’re not overreacting at all! You’re trying to do all the crappy boring admin to make sure you all have a fun relaxed time at the wedding.

He’s being a complete twat.

£700 for a gift is insane. Absolutely bat shit crazy.

What the bloody hell does he want to buy that costs £700?!

I wouldn’t want to drive home immediately after the party, no-I would feel exactly the same as you. Doesn’t he have debts that you are unaware of? It doesn’t sound like he can afford the £700.

I hope this chap bought you a decent wedding present!

I wouldn't even have given 700 to my own siblings or they to me.
Yes stay in the hotel the night of the wedding or really ye won't be able to relax at all. I'm sure his friend would prefer him not to be rushing away.

Nothing. He didn't even attend our wedding.

Sorry for the super delayed response. Thank you all for your comments. I feel less guilty now, thank you.

I agree £700 seems extreme but he's adamant that it's his best friend and wants to do this. As I replied above, no his friend didn't get us anything. Nor did he get us anything when our son was born. Of course I understand that sometimes a person can't afford to give a gift, so I don't hold that against him. My issue I suppose is more my husband's attitude towards the whole thing and his dismissal of my concerns.

I don't believe he has any secret debts, but based on the funds and our budget, I know we're able to do the gift and stay the 2 nights. However, since I posted, I apologised for my comment and moved on.

Everything I say these days tends to get a snappy comment from him, so I'm just going along with things now to avoid conflict.

Oh well. Thank you again fellow mummies. Having this venue for support really helps

Hmmm, that sounds tough. Going along with things to avoid sniping is no way to live! Are you in the knackered early years with small kids? Look after each other (or LTB if he is actually being a controlling arse...)

Yep, our child is only 1. I stay at home while he works. And I don't have any family living near me (closest relative is 6 hours away).