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Money matters

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Original poster

Can you offer to pay a debt without it being weird?

18 replies

DuckNoodles · 14/02/2018 17:08

So basically a member of our family has a small debt that they must pay for monthly- they do not earn a lot of money at all and it is a great stress for them. I have looked into anonymously paying this off for them so they don’t have to worry about it but have been told due to data protection etc the finance company wouldn’t be able to talk to me about the account which is fair enough. Should I offer this person to pay it off for them? Or would this be considered rude? I don’t want them to feel like a charity case or anything but I know they struggle and honestly just love them and want to help. Any thoughts? Happy to be told to butt out!

(So not to drip feed we came into a significant amount of money recently so it wouldn’t be like we have better jobs then them etc although we haven’t said anything about this money as didn’t want to seem boastful)

OP posts:

FiloPasty · 14/02/2018 17:09

How much is it for? How close are you to them?

riledandharrassed · 14/02/2018 17:11

Lovely gesture if you can afford it . I’d do it

WitchesHatRim · 14/02/2018 17:11

If it would ease the burden for them then I think it's a lovely thing to do.

Ifartrainbowsandglitter · 14/02/2018 17:12

I would post an envelope with cash in through the letterbox. I would hate that the person I helped would know it was me and have to feel or act grateful. I have done this a few times and it really is a lovely feeling knowing you’ve helped someone with absolutely no strings attached.

SunnySeaShell · 14/02/2018 17:14

It's a lovely thing to do and the person will be very grateful I'm sure.

I wouldn't say anything about 'you think they might be struggling' or whatever just say you'd like to give them a gift, or perhaps that you've won it or something and would like to give it to them??

If you can get the initial bit right I'm sure they'll be so happy, I would be!

Bluelady · 14/02/2018 17:21

What an incredibly nice thing to do. Could you get hold of a statement so you could use the account details to pay it off by bank transfer?

Snowydaysarehere · 14/02/2018 17:22

I paid a bill to British Gas for my ds. They didn't care where the cash came from!

LunaTheCat · 14/02/2018 17:24

You are so lovely.

CatWizard · 14/02/2018 17:24

Maybe offer it as a (early?) birthday present if it's not too far away.

SandyDenny · 14/02/2018 17:24

Don't put money through the door, that's a really bad suggestion

It's a lovely thing to want to do, maybe offer to pay it off as a loan that only has to be repaid if or when they can afford it. They will save the interest of the original debt and reduce the worry about making the payments.

I would be worried though as money and family members has a habit of going wrong

Numpty0 · 14/02/2018 17:28

That's a really lovely thing to do. Bless you.

However, depending on the person, they may be too 'proud' to accept it. So perhaps you could offer to pay it off and transfer the debt to you, where you could give them better terms which you'd forget to enforce or cancel at a later date?

MikeUniformMike · 14/02/2018 17:28

Don't put the money through the door - it's creepy.
If you want to do something like that, pop it in their tea caddy or something.
I agree that family and money tends to go wrong.

Original poster

DuckNoodles · 14/02/2018 19:59

Hi wow thanks for the replies! They are a sibling and partner, we had mulled over the envelope through the door idea but we’re worried because if someone put that much through our door without us knowing where it came from we’d likely report it to the police for fear we had someone else’s money! Some good ideas to think about though thank you

OP posts:

ZBIsabella · 14/02/2018 21:34

I would just tell them and then pay direct to the company. I paid direct to two of my chidren's mortgage lenders (with their consent - so not anonymously) and there was no problem with it. In fact we posted a cheque special delivery with the reference number on and did it with a letter signed by the adult child but it was a cheque drawn on my account - no problems with the lender accepting it.

Notreallyhappy · 15/02/2018 09:00

Tell them what you want to do...no ifs or buts from them. Tell them you want to because you care..

MLMsuperfan · 15/02/2018 10:52

I think you should talk to them. There are ways you can save their pride. Remind them of a time they've given you help in the past. Or you could
ask if they would help you if you were in financial difficulties. Tell them you don't like seeing them sad because of debt (so it's for you really).

sportyfool · 15/02/2018 10:54

I would make sure it's paid , in the nicest possible way most people who have debt aren't very co trolled with money so with a big amount in their hands they may spend it and not pay off the debt ... offer to pay but say you want proof it's been paid .

MyBrilliantDisguise · 16/02/2018 19:54

Let's say this amount is £1000. Why not say you've won/had a bonus for £2000 and you want to pay off their loan. I wouldn't give them the money outright because they might use it for something else.

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