Incorrect distribution of a legacy - any advice (legal and moral) welcome

[Pennies]

My dad was the trustee and executor of my grandmother's will. When she died he was responsible for distributing the legacies to those involved. At the time of her death I had a big row with him and he withheld half of the financial legacy she had left me until I apologised to his (then) girlfriend (the row was about her) which I thought was a really crappy way to behave and I lost a lot of respect for him as a result of that.

It seems this isn't the only way he's used the will to reward / punish people.

Recently he told me that my grandma left her rings (several impressively large diamond and sapphire things) to my mum. My parents are divorced (AGES ago, and my mum stayed in contact with my grandma until she died) and he decided that his new wife (th girlfriend menationed above whom he married several years after my grandma died) should recieve the rings as she helped him a lot when she was at the end of her life and in a home.

The rings themselves don't bother me - not my type of thing, but my key points are as follows:

1. The mis-allocation of the items seems morally bankrupt IMO. Beyond that though, is it legal?

2. My mum would have been very touched to have them and would have enjoyed owning them.

3. My mum would have left them either to me or my DDs (and if she gave them to me I'd have held onto them for them as I don't really like the rings) so in effect he has cheated my DDs out of that inheritance.

4. I can't see how I can tackle this issue without there being an almightly row but I feel something needs to be said or done.

What is the legal position here? How can I view a copy of the will? Also if anyone has any moral / relationship guidance too I would be most grateful.

I know this is an old thread but I was searching for advice in connection with something similar and I wondered how Pennies got on with this.

Is she still around to update us ?

she posted here recently...

OOH - am a bit surprised to see this crop up again. Well, it all went a bit odd. I was able to get a copy of the will via a website by providing a few details about when she died and also paid about 15 pounds (sorry typing fdrom abroad and no pound sign on the computer so all figures mentioed below are in pounds).

When it arrived I was amazed to discover that, yes he had taken to ring and not handed it over and also I discovered that my grandmother had left my brother 10,000 but had only left me the princely sum of 500. The will was written when I was 12 years old! Obviously this upset him though and when I apologised to his wife he gave me 10,000 too which I remember thinking that it was strange that it was via his personal cheque rather than a solicitor, but I had never inherited anything before and obviously I knew nothing about it.

So,armed with the knowledge that he had a) diddled my mum, but also b) stumped up for me when he had no legal or even moralobligation to compensate me for his mother´s dislike of me I was not really in a position to do much. If I confronted him I KNOW he would just tell me to pay him back the 10,000 he gave me which I can´t because it became the deposit on my house. Also the row would be so huge that my mum would find out what he had done and their relationships is OK and she is lonely so I don´t want to jeopardise that either. Oh, and also I´m not talking to him either because he made us so unwelcome during a stay at his house in France that I´ve rather had it up to here with him. As you can tell, he´s a complex and difficult person to deal with.

If you don´t mind me asking, what situation are you in? I´m on hols at the mo so might not be able to ckeck in but will try to.

Apologiesfor crap typing - stange keyboard with letters in the wrong place and a dodgy space bar.

oh my GOODNESS what a nightmare! I bet that was the last thing you expected. How shocking.

I think I would just let it lie to be honest and move on. Although I would perhaps speak to your dad (another time) and just ask whether there is anything like a piece of costume jewellry or similar from your grandma that you could have for your DDs. Although all things considered that might not seem so appealing now!

Pennies, just a thought, but could it have been more that your grandma was rather old-fashioned and felt that you would marry and be "provided for" and that legacies should be left through the male line (who incidentally to her mind would also be responsible for you if you weren't being provided for otherwise)? And your £500 was effectively a token?

None of my business of course, but I think I'd rather think that might be the case than she developed some deep dislike of 12 year old you, which you had never been aware of.

Some old wills in the past in my family have reflected these sorts of values.

Pennies

I was interested in how easy it is to obtain a copy of a will.

Bizarrely enough because I have begun to suspect that my grandmother left my brother some fairly valuable assets on her death (some years ago) instead of leaving them to my father and his siblings. She left small cash bequests to me and my other siblings and her other grandchildren. My brother clearly knew the contents of her will as he says he was an executor.

I don't want to embarrass my parents, particularly my father, by asking about the reasons for this. Grandmother was fairly volatile and may have changed her will if my father didn't humour her ever increasing bizarre whims in her later years following the death of my grandfather but I do want to understand something in my brother's attitude that is causing me to question the motivation behind his recent actions.

I don't want to stake any claims as a result of my sleuthing, I believe no-one has a right to expect any inheritance, parents can spend it on years of frivolity and I'd say "good on them !". I just want to gain a better understanding of an area where I may be being mislead/have got the wrong end of the stick over something so if I can clarify the issue privately without upsetting anyone in the family by asking awkward questions then that would be best all round.

I saw your post about the holiday in France and really felt for you. Families can be very hard to like at times can't they.

Dilbertina, that's a useful reminder of the way wills can be written by older folks. Some never quite accept the equality of women and look to their husbands to support them or expect their brothers will take care of them. I know of a classic example of this....

I have a friend who is in her 50's and her 77 year old father has just told her that he is leaving everything to her brother with the expectation that the brother will take care of his sister giving her money as and when he decides she needs it. She can be a bit rash with spending, she admits this, but she had been expecting to inherit a small 5 figure sum with which she planned to pay off her mortgage as it is unlikely to be fully settled by the time her father dies (he is in very poor health and declining). The brother's wife and my friend do not get on and she suspects it will all go to pay off their mortgage leaving my friend with enough for a little holiday or a new sofa or whatever her brother and his wife see fit to give her. Her mother died many years ago and was not around to have any input at the time her father's rather old-fashioned will was drawn up.

Interesting story and I´m sorry that your brother has been acting in a way to cause you to have concerns. Also very hard on your friend being treated like that. Some people in this world are just totally odd.

By way of justification I eased my angst with the knowledge that a will IS a public document and anyone can view it, so it´s not really sleuthing (which in my view suggests some nefarious goal), just research! Just think VERY carefully about what the ramifications of what the knowledge may be - plan your response to every outcome before you open the will.

dilbertina - the only thing old fashioned about her decision to not leave me anything was good old fashioned hatred of me! The woman was an absolute bitch to me throughout our relationship. I was utterly gobsmacked that she had seemingly left me such a generous amount when I first inherited the money and thought that she´d had a crisis of conscience on her deathbed. Turns out the old hag had experienced no such epiphany and hated me to her dying day.

Pennies

Your second paragraph is exactly the reason why I am wanting to put myself in the picture about the whole wills situation between my parents/siblings/cousins/grandparents without asking openly for the knowledge. There are certain members of the family who I expect will deliberately spread the word that I am moneygrabbing/inheritance chasing because they are not sensitive enough to understand that I am actually interested in what the will says about the relationships between people in my family and why they sometimes act in an irrational/unpleasant manner. Our family is very big on the phrase "don't tell so and so" and woe betide you if you ever do spill the beans.

I have kind of had my head in the sand for many years about certain family "issues" which no-one has filled me in on because I am not involved in the family business and I don't want to upset anyone currently living by asking about them. I think the wills of two of my grandparents will perhaps clarify things for me. I have already decided to share the information with absolutely no-one (in RL anyway).

I always prefer to know the truth even if it is hurtful, it can be dealt with, as the emotional pain eases as time passes and I prefer to find out and deal with any unpleasant knowledge privately in my own time rather than the fateful day when someone in our family decides that now is the time to open up about whatever the true picture is.

Secretive families. Nightmare. Luckily I don´t really have that problem but I can see how it must be hard to live with.

It sounds to me like you´re quite sure this is something you want to do and that it will give you some valuable insight.

Let me know how you get on.

Good luck.