Anyone else in debt due to depression and can't pay them.. I see no way out and feel suicidal.. please no judgment

[needtogetfit]

So I have a lot of debt.. I'm a SAHM. My husband works full time. About 4 years ago I racked up so much debt. Before that I had no debt. Something changed me 5 years ago..I don't know what but I suddenly became unhappy and depressed and lonely so I ended up buying things to make me happy and I was expected to cover all food shopping which I couldn't manage with just child tax and child Ben on my own. So out came the credit card. Also my husband was chatting to girls online and cheated On me and i just fell into depression. Also I always worried about running out of food so would buy loads to make sure my kids had enough because as a child we were always without food because my mum and step dad spent their money on booze. I think it's the trauma from all this that's made me like this. My husband didn't help much financially when we needed something. Like say when my kids needed new beds or a new wardrobe or if I wanted to buy some furniture for the living room he wouldn't help because it 'wasn't necessary' so I got out catalogues and credit cards to pay for these things. I was managing the repayments from our tax credits but eventually it got too much and it went to the courts to CCJs and everything. Now they are all coming through the door and I'm panicking. Some have accepted £1 a week until I can find employment ( but it's hard with no help from anyone for childcare and it's all left in my shoulders') and with my anxiety and depression I'm struggling. I feel ashamed and stupid and I have felt suicidal over it.. has anyone ever been in massive debt and still able to enjoy life?

Two things.

He’s financially abusing you - massively. Speak to women’s aid.

Speak to stepchange. They are wonderful. You can do it all online if you can’t facing talking to anyone.

I’ve done it and the relief from just talking to someone helps so much. They will deal with your creditors, the letters and calls will stop.

Your husband unfortunately is a different issue altogether.

Needtoget
PLEASE talk to stepchange as they will know how to handle both your creditors and the whole household income

Another one for please do speak to stepchange. They helped me 10/11 years ago when they were the cccs, and they literally changed my life. I went from basically being suicidal and feeeling like I was drowning to finally being able to sleep once they’d helped me. I had enough money to live on because I wasn’t just servicing my debts, but most importantly the horrible chasing from debt collectors stopped, as did the fear that the bailiffs would be knocking on my door. I can’t recommend them enough. Even though I was horribly in debt, by the time the plan was set up I felt light, and free, and like I could see light at the end of the tunnel.

I forgot to say please don’t be embarrassed about your debt, these things happen. If people judge you, that’s their problem, not yours. You’re trying to solve it, which is fab! I’d suggest if you haven’t already that you get in touch with your GP to seek help for your depression, and set up a budget for your weekly food shop, including a weekly meal plan so you know that there’s more than enough food for you all, but without overspending.

You are NOT stupid, and have nothing to be ashamed of. You did what you had to do at the time to get through, and now you’re trying to solve it. I wish you all the best.

A few years ago my mental health was very bad and I racked up lots of debt. I couldn't afford to pay it back, which then made my mental health worse. I contacted stepchange last year. They have been amazing and dealt with all the debtors and negotiated a repayment plan that I could manage. I pay a set amount monthly to stepchange and then they give it to the credit card companies etc I owe money to.

Hello OP, we are really sorry to hear you are feeling this way. We're a little late but wanted to pop by as your thread has been flagged to us.

We hope you don't mind, but when these threads are flagged up to us we usually add a link to our Mental Health resources. You can also go to the Samaritans website, or email them on [email protected]. Support from other Mumsnetters is great and we really hope you will be able to take some comfort from your fellow posters, but as other MNers will tell you, it's really a good idea to seek RL help and support as well.

We also like to remind everyone that, although we're awed daily by the astonishing support our members give each other through life's trickier twists and turns, we'd always caution anyone never to give more of themselves to another poster, emotionally or financially, than they can afford to spare.