Ex's life has spiralled out of control. Financial advice / benefit of experience needed

[SAM13S]

My ex broke up with his wife (who came along after me) two years ago and he is really not coping in any area of life at all. He's an alcoholic. Since the break up he has breached a restraining order five times and is now in jail for the fifth time. A friend of his loaned him money towards the deposit for a new private rented flat last week - two days later he was arrested and so the flat has of course gone. As he liked my ex, the letting agent has very kindly offered to hold it for use towards another property upon ex's release if he goes back to him for somewhere new.

Upon dealing with the supported living organisation who had placed him in a shared house it seems as though he hadn't sorted his ESA in the seven weeks since his last release. If he didn't, would he still be able to claim housing back for the seven weeks he was housed? He's in prison until the early summer.

By the time he is released universal credit will have been rolled out in his area. I've never claimed benefits so don't really understand them - does this mean he will be on UC and won't get any ESA even if he has a sick note? The housing association and the private landlord said they don't take people on UC at all.

Also, if he can get a property through ESA, will every private landlord insist on a guarantor? He didn't mention a guarantor last week when his friend loaned him the money and nothing has been signed by the friend who paid part of the deposit to the letting agent direct.

He's in such a mess. Had plenty of time to sort out the doctor's note and housing benefit but didn't. He hated where he was living - apparently shared with three drug addicts (he's not a drug addict) and was riding round on buses all day just to get out of the house. In that time he could have sorted out the doctor and the benefits. He has segregated himself from all his friends and his family. Anyone have experience on how to begin helping someone like this? I've know him 15 years and have never seen him so low. I thought the best place to start would be the doctor. Any experiences shared would be most welcome.

Sorry if you've already heard this but does he WANT to be helped. I'm sure you know you can only help those who want to help themselves.

Honestly? I think you sound like a rescuer. Tred carefully.

Does he have input from professionals? Or accept their help?

There are a lot of ifs and buts

UC has been delayed again from being rolled out on jan - in my area till October, so doubtful your area will be this year in all honesty....

He can present as homeless at council on his release and see if they will give him temporary housing?

But 5 cover he hasn’t learnt - will there be a 6th and 7th..?

It would depend what type of ESA he was claiming as to whether he would need to go onto Universal credit. Then Housing benefit would be part of the Universal credit too. he needs to speak to CAB or a welfare rights officer to sort things out. His probation officer should be able to point him in the right direction to get help.

Thanks for the replies everyone. Sometimes I wonder if he wants to be helped. He's just not coping at all since the break up. Instead of sorting it all out when he last came out of jail he was riding round on buses all day. He's pushed everyone away apart from me. And some of you have guessed - I'm probably doing too much to try to help him.

I work with prisoners and there is absolutely nothing you can do. Let the support kick in now.

I'd let the friend sort out the deposit. It is a long time until the summer.

In terms of housing, prior to prison, there is now a resettlement team in each prison. They need to do the work for him on the run up to release.

He will likely have to claim UC on release and if in a full service area, he will have to get a fit note (new term under UC for sick note) to submit. He will have to have a three-month relevant waiting period for a placement in the LWC or LWRAC. UC will cover housing costs and he will have to wait for at least six weeks.

As he had received a sentence for under 12 months, he will be subject to a licence and supervised in the community by a responsible officer (Probation) and they should link him in with drug support services if prison staff do not do it.

In all honesty, you need to allow the system to support him. You can do nothing for him now.

While prison seems horrendous for him, there is support in there for him. He has to do 95% of the work himself.

Visit him by all means, but he is in a system and it really is time he uses this opportunity to bootstrap himself up and sort his life out.

And you do not need to be dragged down with this.