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Original poster

Divorce money - should I give up maintenance for house?

33 replies

gokusgirl · 15/01/2018 10:29

Hi,
I have joined mumsnet for some advice. I am currently separated from my husband, all very amicable. He has come up with the idea that there is at least £100k in the house (based on current mortgage and current house price). So, he is willing to walk away for 10K and not paying any more maintenance.
My mum says that you can't use the mortgage and value, you have to work out what actual profit is in the house, which is much lower (I put a much bigger deposit down).
Has anyone done anything like this? Am I missing a critical part of the thought process? I want to own the house, I can afford to take the mortgage on.

OP posts:
Notreallyhappy · 15/01/2018 11:14

II'd seek some legal advice on this.
How much is left on the mortgage
If he can leave that much equity I'd expect you'd be paid a nice amount of maintainance monthly.
What you think now isn't necessarily right for years down the line. There's always the chance that he passes this to you now but when the divorce starts he'll claim it as one of your assets..

Original poster
gokusgirl · 15/01/2018 11:21

Yeah, I think legal advice is good. He cant afford massive payments as he is a teacher and wants to give it up and take a lower paid job. Hence the idea. I will have a £140k mortgage, no maintenance and a house worth about 280.

OP posts:
Wallofglass · 15/01/2018 11:31

A friend's ex offered the same and her solicitor advised her not to accept it. Not sure why sorry but the mortgage eventually went over to her name.

As you can't afford to do that maybe in your circumstances it is something to consider. If he is definitely going to be on a lower income there is a danger your maintenance payments would be low anyway. Beware, my ex refuses to work whatsoever and I get £7 a week out of his benefits.

Everyone's cirumstances are different however so please get legal advice.

CrazyCatMamma · 15/01/2018 11:34

Can you afford a £140k mortgage on your own? That would be the first question. If not, you could be left with no house and no maintenance if you agree.

Original poster
gokusgirl · 15/01/2018 11:39

I can afford it, it does sounds like a bad idea doesnt it.

Is he always entitled to half the house value then? I guess thats a more complicated question than it sounds.

OP posts:
FitBitFanClub · 15/01/2018 11:41

My friend did this. Although she was a very high earner herself, she still regretted it once her four kids hit the teenage years and then university. She had no idea how much that would all cost her. Her ex pays nothing, apart from paltry birthday and Christmas presents.
He visited recently for the evening to see the kids after a long absence. They ordered a takeaway (which cost a lot). Did he offer to stand the meal for them? Nah, he left a tenner on the table.

Hedgehoghogger · 15/01/2018 11:43

Do you mean spousal maintenance or child maintenance? As I'm not sure you can legally get out of child maintenance (but am not a solicitor).

If it is child maintenance have you calculated how much you would be entitled to add for how long? Just £200 a month adds up to £2400 a year and so on.

Would you realistically be entitled to more of the house than him?

CecilyNeville · 15/01/2018 11:46

Not sure about this, but wouldn't the scenario be that if house values fall (whether by crash or steady decline) then you would no longer have 100k in equity, but would have signed away rights to ongoing maintenance. Buying out his share, but having maintenance, lessens your risk.

If you can't buy him out, and if this is the only way to keep the house for yourself, then I can see why this looks appealing though.

Original poster
gokusgirl · 15/01/2018 11:48

I dont know if I am entitled to more of the house, I dont know how that works. I put in a 50k deposit and he put in 10. That must have an effect.
I think I am selfishly thinking I would do anything to get rid of any attachment that he has to the house. However, its a good point about teenage years. It seems a short sighted solution perhaps.

OP posts:
Honeycombcrunch · 15/01/2018 12:01

You need legal advice about this. Are there any other debts apart from the mortgage? Do you both have pensions? Are you sharing care of the children 50-50 or will you have more expenses if you have them more? Where is he going to live and how will he pay his bills in a lower paid job?

Sorry for so many questions but it doesn't sound like you've really thought this through yet.

Babyroobs · 15/01/2018 12:06

I wouldn't do this. It would depend on the ages of the kids though. My friend did this but came out of her divorce with a house completely paid for. Her ex had the kids half the week ( he was a high earner) so she had a house she owned outright for the rest of her life, tax credits for 3 kids and her part time wages and the kids weren't even there half the week. She had plenty of disposable income. However if you are still going to have a hefty mortgage on the house it's harder.

Babyroobs · 15/01/2018 12:06

And a definite yes to legal advice as everyone else has said.

Original poster
gokusgirl · 15/01/2018 12:07

I am beginning to think that I haven't thought it through!

Do you know if he can make me sell the house then, to release his equity in it?

OP posts:
Wallofglass · 15/01/2018 12:52

I had to sell my house to release the equity and it was split between us. I didn't want to (I had two young dc) but I couldn't afford to buy him out. We couldn't agree on how to divide the finances so it was all court ordered in the end.

NotSuchASmugMarriedNow1 · 15/01/2018 14:59

I assume you're talking about spousal support as you can't discharge your responsibility to pay child support so, bearing in mind that he is on a teachers salary and you are also working, you probably woudn't be entitled to any maintenance anyway, so him giving you the 90k is brilliant (but a bit unfair on him to be honest).

mrssapphirebright · 15/01/2018 16:53

On a teachers salary he is never going to be made to pay spousal support!

Op, i presume you mean child support payments which as a pp has said, he can't get out of. he will have to pay you a percentage of his salary if you are the main earner.

Your house, if married will be deemed a martial asset. the fact that you put in a bigger deposit means nothing in the eyes of the law, starting point for splitting profit in the house is 50;50. Welfare and housing of any children will take priority. Both of you need to be left with a a roof over your head as fair as possible if you are both going to have overnights with the children.

If you can afford to keep the house and pay for it then he can't make you sell it if it will be the childs main home. There would likely be a clause that he gets his share when the oldest is 18, or you re-marry or cohabit.

Wallofglass · 15/01/2018 17:23

No mrssapphire that is outdated advice re being able to stay in the house until the children are 18. A clean break is preferred these days. Of course it can be mutually agreed but in this case the ex wants the equity. Just been through a complicated divorce in the courts and I had to sell up.

Original poster
gokusgirl · 15/01/2018 18:04

Thank you. It’s interestong that I would be forced to clean break. If that’s the case, I should snap his hand off!
Thanks for the advice.

OP posts:
RoobieDoobie · 15/01/2018 18:22

You are confusing your divorce settlement and child maintenance. They are separate.

meditrina · 15/01/2018 18:29

"If you can afford to keep the house and pay for it then he can't make you sell it if it will be the childs main home. There would likely be a clause that he gets his share when the oldest is 18, or you re-marry or cohabit"

It's. It as clear cut as that. You might get an order along those lines, but he needs to be able to afford housing (big enough for what he has the DC) as well, and if he needs a fair share of the equity tondo tgat, then you are looking at buying him out. You need proper legal and financial advice. Especially as you haven't mentioned pensions, which is another major asset.

lostinspaceyetagain · 15/01/2018 21:25

I had a friend that did this. She got the entire equity and he doesn't pay support. He is very involved and looks after the children in her house as she travels a lot with work. He is self employed and tbh a bit lazy (he is my friend of 40 years) and she reckoned a bird in the hand..... I think the equity she got was much more than he would have had to pay in maintenance for the next 10 years based on his then salary and it has gone down since then. She also reckoned he may have more children and so her maintenance would decrease.

Original poster
gokusgirl · 15/01/2018 22:48

Thanks.
I will take advice but seems to
Be a good deal. i
Am not looking for a divorce
Settlement or payment, just to sort the money
Out for kids and house. I don’t know what
A spousal settlement is, but suspect I don’t need one.

OP posts:
Ellisandra · 15/01/2018 23:00

Good grief woman, you need to see a solicitor!!!

On the day so of one random stranger on the internet (no offence to them!) you've decided that you'd be forced into a clean break. That's not true, and that's not what that poster said. Clean breaks may be more popular currently, but that doesn't mean that Mesher Orders (google it, related to staying in the house until children reach 18) aren't still commonly given.

You say you can afford the £140K mortgage. Do you mean that you can afford the payments, or that your salary is high enough and your credit rating strong enough for you to given a mortgage? It's two different things. Plenty of people affording a fortune in rent who can't get approved for a mortgage of the same amount.

You don't know what a spousal settlement is but think you need one? You must speak to a solicitor.

You can informally decline to apply to child maintenance, but you cannot legally waive the right - because it's for your children. Child maintenance above the legal minimum is the only part of a Consent Order that can be routinely changed after 12 months. It is very separate to other matters.

You don't even mention his pension or yours. If he is the higher earner and he's been in the TPS for some years, his pension will have a high value. It may be appropriate for that to be considered. It probably is.

Don't even think about doing this on your own. Get proper advice.

Ellisandra · 15/01/2018 23:03

Sorry: suspect you don't need a spousal settlement, that should say.

Doesn't change my reply though!

Original poster
gokusgirl · 16/01/2018 08:01

Thank you. I really am a dumbass! Yes we both have pensions but just teachers ones. Hadnt considered that.
Okay last stupid question! Solicitor or financial advisor? I should say that is it all very amicable but perhaps that why he’s trying it on. He knows how easy going I am.

OP posts: