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How to talk to DP about money...?

12 replies

Ilovestationary · 26/11/2017 23:30

My bf and I have been together for around 3 years, and have recently moved in together, so therefore have rent/bills to pay and negotiate who is doing the food shopping etc you know how it is.
Coming from parents who have very little money, I am very financially aware, and like to budget, and plan and talk about money so that we can keep on top of it, whereas bf’s parents are very financially stable and he doesn’t really have to worry about money at all due to work/parents being very generous toward himself e.g. paying car MOT, insurance, paying for his petrol etc. But, on top of this, I am an MSc student and work part time around my studies, but still have very little left over and never had financial support from parents since 16ish as have worked and they cannot afford it, which I completely understand and would never want to place this financial pressure on them. We split rent and bills equally and try to split the food shopping equally as well. However, there are things that need to be bought for flat such as cleaning products which he doesn’t include in food shop etc that bf doesn’t even seem to think about and when I mention splitting things half and half, he gets a bit funny although he knows I have no money, and if I didn’t buy them they wouldn’t get bought. On top of this, except for the money he puts in to rent, bills and food, he spends the rest of his money solely on himself and doesn’t really chip in- if we are out and he pays for something he will ask for half from me. I’ve suggested opening up a joint account together for everything house and home related but he says he doesn’t really like that idea and is happy the way it is, but currently I have no money and am still having to match my half of the spending (which I don’t mind) whilst he is constantly clothes shopping and going out with friends. Am at a bit of a loss as I would just like him to take some financial responsibility in this as am feeling quite stressed about it all, and feel that I put more in financially into our living situation than he does?? Any guidance would be greatly appreciated and thanks in advance!!!!

OP posts:
specialsubject · 27/11/2017 13:48

Spell it out clearly. If he won't listen, there's your warning of what life will be like.

And do not get pregnant!!!!

19lottie82 · 27/11/2017 13:53

he doesn’t really like that idea and is
happy the way it is

I bet he is!

Looks like the softly softly approach just isn’t cutting it OP! You need to tell him how things will be don’t from now on and if he doesn’t agree to it then he will be a lot worse off as he will be paying all the bills alone, as you will no longer be there!

Why does he think you should pay for the extra essentials and he shouldn’t?

JoJoSM2 · 27/11/2017 21:21

Do you go to the supermarket or get food delivered? If you go ahead with ordering online, you can add whatever is needed, eg cleaning products. And then split the bill.

Other than that, if you’ve only just moved in, it might be a little early for shared accounts or for him to cover most of stuff as you’re a lower earner. Perhaps if you’ve lived together for a year and make further plans, it could be at that stage that you discuss joined finances and him making a greater contribution.

jimijack · 27/11/2017 21:30

To me this is a very straight forward discussion..."you are not contributing enough chuffnuts, here's what you owe now and for the future, for the running of our home..That's yours AND mine, if it's not doable then this isn't doable, please make arrangements to move out".

But then I'm a hard faced bitch with little tolerance for bollocks, so it would be that black & white I'm afraid.

Look at it as a glimpse into your future life, it's not good is it?

Ellisandra · 27/11/2017 21:43

Did you actually discuss this before you moved in together?
If so, is he sticking to what was agreed?
If not, I'd move out - you know it's not working.
If you didn't discuss it before I'd spell it out now - but again be prepared to move out.
It hasn't worked.

WiseDad · 27/11/2017 22:09

If you start using paragraphs to make points separate you might stand a chance of getting some better advice. And solving your money concern.

dorislessingscat · 28/11/2017 06:50

@WiseDad I'm a huge fan of paragraphs and even I thought your post was rude.

OP as others have said you need to spell it out. And if he doesn't like it one of you will have to move out.

Magstermay · 28/11/2017 09:05

Household expenditure should be split, and cleaning products should be included in that. Can they not be included in your supermarket shop?

It would be nice if he offered to pay occasionally when you go out, but it’s not up to him to subsidise you just because he earns more. If you’d agreed that before becoming a student then fair enough, but otherwise it’s up to him if he wants to buy clothes and go out.

MyBrilliantDisguise · 28/11/2017 13:23

He's selfish - he must know you are broke and he must know you're paying more than he is. He wants to spend all his money on himself. In what way are you partners? I wouldn't treat a friend like this, never mind a partner.

I suppose it's too late for you to get out of this living arrangement now?

Winebottle · 28/11/2017 18:18

What do you mean "he gets a bit funny"? If he asks you for your half when he goes out, he shouldn't have a problem with you asking for his half either.

Near the end you sound as if you resent him having money and you not. It would be nice for him to contribute more but he hasn't agreed to that and does not have to.

I'd just be very strict about collecting his half of everything and if he makes a comment or doesn't pay, that is how you can start the conversation.

copingish · 28/11/2017 22:33

Nightmare! Thanks me for a grown up talk!

Kr1st1na · 28/11/2017 22:38

Look at it as a glimpse into your future life, it's not good is it?

This. And this.

And do not get pregnant!!!!

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