Relative constantly relying on me for money

[KarenB22]

I say relative loosely, we aren't biologically related but this is somebody who's been in my life for many years as a father figure and is accepted as "part of the family"

Way back when, before I was financially stable and going through a hard time after fleeing a DV relationship
, this person would of their own accord help me out (I never asked, but was very grateful for their support) only little amounts here and there, £10 one time and £20 on another two occasions.. a shoulder to cry on when I needed one when they could see i was struggling. A listening ear. This was over the period of about a year. I always returned the help I was given be it financial or otherwise. I want to reiterate I never asked them for anything they did it as they wanted to help and Was, then, in a position to do so.

Fast forward to now I have a secure job, a good partner and my mental health has improved greatly, I'm also pregnant with my first child. This person for reasons unbeknownst to myself has stopped working and claims benefits, and has began to depend on me to lend them money on a regular basis which increases every time they ask. 10 turned to 20, then 30, before I knew it it was 100 then another 50 on top two days later. It's always repaid when they can afford to do so but the sheer volume of the requests and how often it is, is beginning to make me feel as though I'm taken advantage of. Due to them helping me in the past I feel somewhat obliged to keep doing it for them even though I have my own rent and bills to pay and a baby to save up for.

It's gotten to the stage where they don't even say please anymore, but something like "hi I need you to send me £ until next Saturday" for example, then two days later they want a top up on the loan.

I'm a shy person who admittedly struggles with anxiety, I don't like confrontation or telling people "no" especially as I know this person is prone to moods when disagreed with. What used to be a good relationship has become a burden, I'm sad to say.

They aren't good with their money and will think nothing of splurging 200 pounds on unnecessary gadgets or 'luxuries' online and I've become their go-to lender to support that.

How can I put an end to all of this without having to deal with a fallout? After All, people will always remember the one time you won't do something for them as opposed to the many times you do

You have to bite the bullet and say "Sorry, but I can't afford to lend you any more money ". No further explanations should be offered, just No, cannot.
If they get arsey then they are not a person with whom you should associate. You have repaid the help they offered to you in the past, and their poor money management will only escalate if you keep bailing them out.
Could you offer to help budget plan instead?

Agree with BMW completely, but I'm quite crap at confrontation too and I'd want to sugar-coat it. In your situation I'd be shamelessly exploiting Bump to break the cycle. Next time, tell them you've just paid out for a pushchair/cot/car seat/whatever and you're really sorry but you don't have any money to spare, not even for a week. If this doesn't give them pause then they are not, as BMW said, someone you should associate with.

I'd stop doing it too. Rather than trying to avoid confrontation or bad feelings, try to accept that it's likely to happen. The guy is likely to plead, get angry, try to make you feel guilty etc. Just accept that it will happen and cannot be avoided.

Also being close to him, when he brings the last loan back, I'd say that I won't be able to lend him any more money. I'd probably offer to go over his CV or do a practise job interview or something else supportive (but only if you're bothered, don't feel obliged or anything).