Is my financial situation fair?

[DLB18]

My husband and I have always shared our finances 50/50, we did the same stressful job and as a result earned a very similar salary. My husband decided he no longer wanted to do this job and as a result found another which had a significant pay decrease (around £20k). I wasn't really consulted before he did this, he worked out on his own that he could afford all his outgoings etc and still pay his share of the bills - fair enough. However, I am now on maternity leave and although my allowance covers the majority of my share of the household bills and we use the child maintenance for all the classes I attend with our daughter I'm having to use my savings to pay for things such as fuel, my share of groceries, birthdays/Christmas etc - I do all the housework, childcare, meals, shopping finances etc and even walk and look after his two pet dogs which he got before I came along so basically when he is not at work he is 'off' when speaking to friends they have commented that our financial situation is unfair and the more I think about it I agree but would love your feedback.

Who is paying child maintenance? And for which child? I can't really follow.

Do you mean child benefit rather than child maintenance?

What do your friends think needs to change?

Finances aside, if the child is both of yours the rest of it is bollocks. What is he doing to contribute to the running of the household and patenting of the child? Why doesn't he do anything?

'I do all the housework, childcare, meals, shopping finances etc and even walk and look after his two pet dogs which he got before I came along so basically when he is not at work he is 'off' when speaking to friends they have commented that our financial situation is unfair and the more I think about it I agree but would love your feedback.'

None of this is fair, but then I really do not understand people who procreate with someone who has already proven him or herself a lazy cunt who expects one person to do all the lifework. Your husband is a pisstaker who has no respect for you and thinks you're there to give him a get out of life pass and fund it, too. Fuck that.

So you both had similar paying jobs so you both payed 50/50 for household expenses.

He left his job for a less stress full one with a pay drop, yet he continued paying 50/50.

You're on maternity leave, you're currently both still paying 50/50 but now you think you may be paying too much?

I think it depends whether you would be ok with him paying less when you go back to work and start earning your much higher wage?

I think the chores need dividing up fairly but with childcare, isn't that the point of maternity leave? Although when he comes home from work, he needs to give you a rest.

I just reread my previous post and I'm not sure if it was clear - I think childcare whilst he is at work is fair but when he comes home, he needs to pull his weight.

Well, your arrangement was 50/50 of costs so he hasn't done anything wrong as he's still able to afford his share.

Personally, I find the arrangement odd for a married couple and think it's ideal to view finances as family finances and budget jointly regardless of the amounts that individuals bring in. I also find it odd that he changed careers without discussing it with you or you didn't plan finances for maternity leave.

Perhaps you'd need to decide what you'd consider fair, tell him (or write it out) so that he can mull it over and you can compromise on your new 'fair'.

I've said this many times on threads like these, all money is family money and regardless of how much you both earn, you should each have equal access to all money, current account and savings, and should each have the same amount of fun money each month. (We do this, I'm the sole earner but everything is in joint accounts and we have 50 quid each a month for treats.)

Jobs around the house are the same, contribute equally and have the same amount of free time to do with as you please.

You are married everything should be done jointly, not only is the financial aspect unfair but he needs to step up

If he had to pay half of the bills when you earned 20K more than him then you should pay half when you earn less than him. Personally I think he should have been paying less than you before your maternity leave as he had less money. Then you would have been paying less now as you currently have less income. That sort of arrangement seems more fair to me but you can't really do that now unless you are going to pay more of the bills than him when you go back to work and earn more money than him.

He should help with the baby and the housework when he comes home. You have both been busy all day, he has been working and you have been taking care of your baby. The evening tasks belong to both of you.

Work time / child or parenting time = the same.

The rest of your time should be split three ways, your time, his time, family time

And you should both want that, I want my oh to have his time, I also want a bit of me time. Thankfully we both also want family time.

It really isn't easy and some weeks harder than others but we at least are aiming for the same thing.

Financially, it sounds very formal, which I find odd, I agree with others, all money into one pot then take some back for yourselves, ALL family bills then come out of the one pot. Our exception is that my treat money has to cover any expensive make-up etc, I.e, discretionary purchases

Sounds abit odd for a married couple with children, but I hear a lot of my friends talk about "their " allowance. So maybe I'm just old but all money is shared fair and square in this house.
You are looking after dc and presumably most of the domestic tasks during the day and they are a fair worthwhile contribution just as ££ are.
Sit and have a talk, draw up the finances.
I'd be presenting an invoice of my own if a fair arrangement couldn't be made.

You are facilitating him to do what job how wants, have a family, which I guess he wants, but you don't have say in his finances, have to use your savings whilst on maternity .... fuck that.