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Original poster

Partner owns house

22 replies

Honeybum · 17/08/2017 12:23

I have currently been living with my partner for 6 years in his house, we are planning on getting married in a couple of years time (need to save up).

He paid £50,000 for the house and has three years left on the mortgage. So far I have contributed around £15,000 or so into the house, new carpets, oven, boiler, decorating, furniture etc, I have also taken loans (totalling £13,000) out to help him pay off his debts and the mess he got into with the tax man and I have paid half the mortgage and the other household bills each month since I moved in. He got these debts before he met me so these are not my debts. He admits he would have lost his house if I hadn't moved in and contributed and would probably lose it if I left as he would not be able to manage financially without me.

I've asked if he could put my name on the mortgage/house too even just a percentage so the debts I have accrued to help him out would be covered if anything happened to us or if he died before we get married (harsh I know but I've seen others end up with nothing due to not sorting out finances and making sure loved ones are covered if anything happens) and I have to leave as he doesn't have a will so I'd inherit nothig.

He refuses to put my name on the house and says we're getting married so he won't have to . Do you think I'm being unreasonable as I do see his point too, but I've invested so much so far and left myself very vulnerable. I've suggested life insusrance for both of us too but he doesn't want to waste money on that either. I have put him on my death in service pension so he would be fine if I died, he doesn't have a pension. Sorry for all the dying bits but just recently this has really started to worry me as we are both knocking on a bit.

OP posts:

SerfTerf · 17/08/2017 12:28

Book a wedding or move out.

He's either being a complacent fool or he's being an arse.

At the very least, make sure all wedding savings are in your name, so that you have a "starting again" fund if it doesn't happen.

Maybe insist he now takes over mortgage and bills so that you can save hard for the wedding?

But really, do you need a big wedding?

SerfTerf · 17/08/2017 12:29

And do you have more years to waste on this if it's going nowhere?

ElspethFlashman · 17/08/2017 12:32

You've poured 28k into a house you don't own and a man who won't make a will, get life insurance or name you on the house????

That's refreshingly naive, OP.

A registry office costs buttons. He is taking you for a mug.

Original poster

Honeybum · 17/08/2017 13:35

Yes I've been a proper mug, I'd be shouting at me too and I do get angry about it and how stupid I've been, I'd say he's more complacent than doing it on purpose though.

I thought if I paid my way he'd offer to add me to house himself, I know I would if someone had done all that for me. I don't want a big wedding, I'd be happy to go into the Registry office next week and get wed, but he wants a half decent wedding with photo's etc, and I can't see us affording that for a long while yet. I'd rather spend the money on paying stuff off. We had a row this morning and he does get really upset and say's he'll see a solicitor but never does.

I'm now in a position that I can't afford to move out. This all sounds really cold and I'm amazed I still love him and still want to get married, but he really doesn't see the worry if my name is on the mortgage or not, ok for him and for me too as long as we are both still together, but I can't get it out of my head the mess I'd be in if he died.

OP posts:

SerfTerf · 17/08/2017 13:54

Have you all said all of this to him?

Mrskeats · 17/08/2017 14:00

My wedding has cost 950 quid
You are in a very vulnerable position
Crunch time

Costacoffeeplease · 17/08/2017 14:01

Of course he's not fussed, he's sitting pretty while you could be in deep shit. Is he always so selfish and self-centred?

thethoughtfox · 17/08/2017 14:05

'I'd be happy to go into the Registry office next week and get wed, but he wants a half decent wedding with photo's etc'

Alarm bells are ringing with this. He may just be taking all your money and not ever going to marry you.

greystarling · 17/08/2017 14:15

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster

Honeybum · 17/08/2017 14:42

I've thought of all that believe me and I have told him all this. and I won't be doing anything else for him, might have to cut my losses and move on.

OP posts:

Original poster

Honeybum · 17/08/2017 14:42

once some of those loans get paid off

OP posts:

PugOnToast · 17/08/2017 15:50

Stop paying the mortgage. He is taking the piss. I had one of those but it was my flat. He paid no rent but I didn't mind because I was in lurve. What a fucking mug I was. He lived with me 4 years and bought a sofa and curtains 'instead of rent'

When we split he said he would really miss the flat and also he took everything he bought. He also refused to move out because he didn't like any of the rentals he saw.

Some people see relationships as money making schemes. I suspect your boyf is one.

PugOnToast · 17/08/2017 15:51

Tell him to get loans for your debts so they can be his debt instead.

Ellisandra · 17/08/2017 17:21

Oh dear.
Yes, you've been a mug. Damage limitation time.
You really want to marry a man who will take your money for nothing?

He can just "put" your name on the mortgage / house though. You can only be added to a mortgage via a remortgage. Would you pass on affordability given the amount of debt you know personally have? And is he in a penalty period for changing his mortgage?

As for putting your name on... you're not married so you can't register home rights protection. And it's not his asset to give away - he has a mortgage. He would have to have permission of the mortgage company for you to put a charge on, I think.

Of course he's not stalling for valid legal or admin cost reasons. He's stalling because he's made money out of you and doesn't want to give it back.

If you were talking £100s I'd say walk away. For this amount though! What are the chances of talking him into a remortgage without you on it - if you can find a better rate than your current debt repayments? - and innocently persuade him to move the debt around? Can he get an interest free card and take the debt back? I'd do anything I could, as underhand as needed, to get his debt back into his name before dumping him.

Otherwise, if that's no dice, stop paying rent and put it all towards your (his) debt. You're not going to see a penny back that you wasted on his house - so at least stop giving him any more whilst you're paying off his debt!

No way would I marry this user. You won't then get half of everything - not for a short marriage. And frankly I'd lose the £28K before marrying a man like this

Ellisandra · 17/08/2017 17:21

That should say can't just put you on mortgage.

ElspethFlashman · 17/08/2017 17:27

OP how much debt do you have left? Do you have a job?

I think you should start doing some sums. I think you need a Plan B.

Identity1 · 17/08/2017 22:20

Have you actually taken any legal advice on your situation? Perhaps make appointment when they run the free consultation ? Without your stbh knowing of course!! Why would he not want to add you into the mortgage?
However, if it doesn't work out for you 2, it may not be as bad as you think I say this because a work colleague had a rough patch in her marriage recently, turns out her DH was thinking divorce and thought he could just ask her to leave with small pay out as house is owned by him outright (another long story), he pays all bills so he thought he was quids in. However, these days legally it is not that simple and his DW would be entitled to much more. Now I know different to your situation as you're not married yet but you have contributed a lot to your DP and your household. Hope everything works out as you want.

Welldoneme · 17/08/2017 22:37

I wouldn't give him anymore, sounds as if he has been playing you.
Sorry x

SunRainSun · 18/08/2017 17:39

Legally you are a Single person. Why would you take out loans to pay off someone else's debt, it was His debt? Why have you been paying for big repairs like boiler in a house that you don't own. You have essentially been his paying lodger with benefits. I don't think he has any plans to marry you. I would make plans to move out and don't make the same mistake again!

Loopytiles · 18/08/2017 17:42

What were you thinking?!

Change the wedding plans to make them quick and affordable. If he won't marry you, leave.

PaintingByNumbers · 18/08/2017 17:44

Get legal advice on the house, maybe if you have proof you spent money on the house, you can register a charge/beneficial interest on it.

pinkunicornsarefluffy · 18/08/2017 18:31

I would stop paying half the mortgage until you are actually on it, and as suggested, I would get legal advice, and see if you can get a charge registered on it. I presume that he makes the loan repayments not you?

At the moment, if anything happens to him, then you are entitled to nothing, as you are not married. What does his will state? Are there any children?

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