How to stop worrying about the 'what ifs'

[Anxiouslady]

Just wondering if anyone can advise. I'm at the point where I think I may need to go and talk to someone but not sure if it will help. I constantly worry about what would happen if- particularly around money. We had a 'buffer' but bought a house and some of it went. My husband was also made redundant with no pay out and it took 3 months to secure another job. If felt sick with worry all the time. I work but it's not enough to cover everything. We do have some debt and then mortgage etc. I worry constantly about him getting made redundant again. We are trying to pay off debt and build buffer so we don't have to use credit cards. We can afford monthly bills and to pay a little bit extra off debt so that's ok. I know things will get better, we have been shook hard and need to recover from that. But I live with this constant anxiety in my chest and it's beginning to affect me day to day. Any advice?

I'm the same. I have good days were I'm content that we're doing ok and bad days where it's so worrying that I feel sick to my stomach and I can't think of anything else. My husband is in a relatively secure job but mine isn't at the moment. Unfortunately I'm also the main bread winner so I do feel a lot of weight on my shoulders.
Does your husband also have the same worries or is he like mine with a "it'll be fine" attitude? Xx

Thanks for replying and making me feel slightly normal- whatever that is! Husband took a lot of the pressure when he was job hunting and self esteem was low. He does have more of an it'll be fine attitude and says there's no point worrying about stuff that hasn't happened! I get that but find it so hard to switch off. Feeling it especially this month as paying out for so much- school uniforms, birthdays etc

You're not alone, I normally feel like I'm sinking myself with all the negativity but I can't help it. Xx

Thank you! I often wonder if anyone else feels like this, we are all so good at putting a face on it! Yes sinking, that's exactly how I feel. I hope your job becomes more secure and we can both start to pick ourselves up a bit xx

Absolutely. Today hasn't been too bad, I feel somewhat in control but god knows what I'll be like in the morning!
Feel free to moan on here, get all the "crazy" out lol, I can't judge! Xxx

Work on building up the buffer more than paying off the debt. Don't ignore the debt, and if it's credit card then try to pay a bit more than minimum. But get the buffer in place and then you won't need to use the CC when something comes up.

Also look at utilities and other costs, are you over paying? Set a budget for things like birthday and Christmas presents. Don't be guilt tripped into over spending.

And no, you are not alone.

Thank you, sound advice. I definitely need to budget better for Christmas and Birthdays. It's good to know I'm not the only one. Can feel very lonely as don't want to talk to parents or friends about it.

DH was a boracix until he was about 29/30. He still writes down his daily spends and worries about paying over the odds for almost everything. Still known to walk a zone to reduce travel costs.

his tax bill was £250k last year it never leaves I think. He has had the cheek tonight to tell me I don't need to buy sun cream if I sit in the shade more. Temp was 32 degrees here yesterday . Won't say what I said back with a snort.

I don't think it ever goes away. My dad is meticulous about checking bank accounts, deals for things. Pity it didn't rub off on me!
Felt down today, had a good cry at husband trying to explain it. It's particularly bad at the moment. Am off work as I'm a teacher so I guess I have more time to stew. I'm like this about most things- always have something to worry about. How are you WinstonChurchill? X

Aw, I'm sorry to hear that you were upset yesterday, but I hope your husband was understanding xxx

I'm not having a good day @Anxiouslady . Yesterday I was in work and it wasn't a great day. I'm in a situation where I'm fairly solid in the position (as in the company couldn't function in the long term without me), but the company isn't as stable as it once was (I've returned after a few years as the owner continually chased me with offers of employment). It's a stressful job, I just don't think I can leave as we need the money :-(

@WinstonChurchill thanks, felt better after my cry. Husband was great. We talked about what the worse possible thing would be that's making me worry e.g. Losing the house and then tried to talk through what would happen before it got to that. I felt much calmer. But I then start to turn my attention to another worry. This is a pattern with me. Woke up this morning feeling more positive though. We go on a little holiday soon ( we haven't been for 5 years so am desperate to have some family time) and I don't want to ruin it by worrying and being miserable. This is probably part of the worry as feel maybe we shouldn't be going away and should be using money to build a buffer. Arghh!

So sorry that you haven't been having good days either. Horrible isn't it? Is there scope for you to move to a different- more stable- company? Xx

A break always puts things into prospective so I'm pleased you've got something to look forward to x

My skill base is quite selective so whilst I'm definitely worth the money I make in this company, I would not necessarily be worth it elsewhere. I think it'll come down to me moving elsewhere but earning significantly less. Xx

@Anxiouslady Good morning Hun, how're you feeling today? I'm on my way into work after a week of being "off" (as in I was on annual leave but repeatedly got called, emailed and ended up going in on Saturday). Today I just want to hop off this train and get on one going to opposite direction of Cardiff lol! 🙈🙈

Good morning! Poor you! I hope you have a good day despite the dread! It's hard to feel trapped in a job. Is love to move too or reduce my hours but money makes it a no go.

I'm ok so far. Trying to keep busy today. Had a long chat with my mum last night so that felt better. Think I'm going to try and see the doctor this week. Not sure they can help and feel a bit stupid but am even annoying myself with all this crying ha!
Hope you have a good day x

Hi,
Sorry to hear you have this worry. I'm not in the same position, but in my late teens my mother ran up a lot of debt while separating from her second husband, she was overwhelmed by it so I dealt with all the paperwork and set up debt plans etc for her. She is in a much better place now, and the experience drummed in a deep fear of debt for me.

But I came on to ask if you've read many personal finance books? It's an interest of mine now, and many of them have chapters on how to get out of debt, and from then on improve your financial situation to increase your wealth. It can make you feel more positive and empowered about improving your situation in the long run.

A couple I can recommend are 'The Wealth Chef' by Ann Wilson and 'Detox your finances' by Justine Trueman and 'A Girl's Best Friend is her money' by Jasmine Birtles. They are all written by women which I liked. Best to reserve them from your local library to save money!

@Anxiouslady
Today was ok in the end, I am absolutely drained but I've survived lol. I'm thinking I'm going to book us a small weekend break this weekend xx

Thank you Summergarden, I will definitely look at those books. I feel like I've realised my mistakes a bit late?

Glad it wasn't too bad @WinstonChurchill. I haven't cried today which is a bonus ha! Weekend away sounds fab- just what you need. X

How's it going @Anxiouslady ? Xxx

I find that constantly checking bank statements is a good way to alleviate anxiety. I save hard, I live alone and I want to retire early. I live quite frugally.

I don't think fear of redundancy is a bad thing when you see how some people spend thinking employment is secure when it never is really.

I have anxiety generally so I know what it's like for it to get OTT but why not see the whole saving thing as a positive? Agree, keep paying the debt but build the buffer. Don't buy anything you don't need. have you got stuff in the house you can sell? I was amazed what people buy on ebay.

put a strict limit on presents if you want. I am about to tell a couple of people that I don't want to do Xmas gifts any more - most people I sorted that with ages but my sister will be upset I think. But it's just so silly and I live in a small flat and can't store anything anyway...

everyone's circumstances are different but I know when my savings went on my flat there was a period of huge anxiety while building them up again, I did 2 jobs. It really helps to do as much as you can to save money.

@WinstonChurchill am doing okish thanks. How about you? I sent you a little pm I think though I'm not very good on here?
@slimthistime thank you for advice- all tips welcome especially with dealing with anxiety. Am trying to sell all I can and not spend unnessarily! I do feel like lessons have been learnt if not a bit late!

How do you see the pm's @Anxiouslady - no idea what I'm doing on here! Xx

Ha that makes two of us! I think it's the little person symbol at the top then inbox? I thought I'd pm you to see how you were doing but we are both learning ha

I found it and replied with my contact details! I have the app and it doesn't have the inbox showing so I've logged into the proper site lol