CSA - non paying father claiming terminal illness

[Teresa69]

Would like some advice. Non resident dad has tried to avoid payment since his childs birth even though he is single and earns £50K a year so CSA took direct from his salary. He lives in UK but 100s of miles away. 18 months ago he told me he was diagnosed with terminal cancer and was unable to work, six months later he said he was made redundant. He started receiving a benefit in September and CSA have only managed to collect £28 in a year due to changes in his benefit. Now they tell me his benefit claim is under investigation and been halted for last 8 weeks. I am torn as to whether to believe his illness as his story didn't add up but then feel guilty for doubting him. he has changed his telephone number and I have no way of contacting him except from a message I got a few weeks ago to say he still receiving chemotherapy so was too ill to face job interviews etc and was struggling to live financially. I saw on facebook last week that he got married and he looked very well and healthy. Am I wrong to doubt him? Im struggling to believe he be living on benefit alone as he used is to extravagant lifestyle. The outstanding amount with CSA is in excess in £10,000. Should I contact his family who I don't think know about our 8 year old child? should I contact his wife? The CSA don't seem to be able to help me and would value any advice?

I'd tell his family and his wife. Why should your child be his little secret?

Have CSA seen his wedding photos? Why do you say you can't contact him when you are able to follow his life on Facebook and would be able to message his family?

In your position I would contact his family, tell them about the child and ask to be kept informed about any further deterioration in his health as you would like the child to attend the funeral if the worst came to the worst.

I think you have a classic liar on your hands, the only way to deal with them is to not keep their secrets and expose their lies to everyone.

So he's terminal but hasn't told his family about his child? Suggest visiting with child to meet grandparents and form a connection with his part of the family after he's departed. Point out you were going to reach out to his entire family anyway after he'd passed as it's in your child's best interest to know both sides of the family but you think it's best your child also has some photos of the two of them while he's still alive. And that you've already prepared your child and he/she is aware of his terminal illness.

See him shit himself

I would definitely contact his family saying ex has told you about his terminal illness diagnosis and you felt your daughter should get to know his family.

So he can afford a wedding but not support his dc?? I would message through fb for all to see. Sounds like he is just fine and dandy and trying to pretend he isn't a df at all. Fuck that. .

And update!!

I'd call his bluff, surely if he was terminal he'd want to spend some time with his DC ?

Thank you all. Yes I am very doubtful about his story but was struggling to believe he would stoop so low. The only way I can contact his is through facebook messenger but he doesn't read them. I'm not his friend on facebook but he foolishly doesn't have has facebook very secure so anyone can see the wedding pictures. Part of me is glad that my daughter does not have such a manipulator in her life but then another feels that he should be exposed. However I'm not sure what would be gained by that....its definitely not going to make him more likely to start paying. I've told the CSA that he recently got married but their hands are tied until benefit arrangement is sorted. Also I feel sorry for this new bride and dont want to burst her bubble

She deserves to know the sort of df he is before she contemplates having a dc. .

Ok so ive bitten the bullet and contacted his son via fb message who is in his late twenties and asked him to get a message to his father about his daughter. I explained that ive been trying to contact him and am concerned about his terminal illness. now biting my nails in anxiety eek

Good for you!

My ex told me both his parents died in a car crash when he was 5 year old and he had no kids. We then had a baby and something happened or was said which made me question everything. He wouldn't admit the truth, despite me having evidence, so I messaged his mother (not dead!) and took our daughter to her house. It turned out he'd lied to them too and at one point told people I was a crazy stalker who was obsessed with him!! Nope I was just his wife and mother of his children!!

wow....how can someone be so callous? I have a feeling I am being painted as a crazy ex partner too.. nothing was ever his fault when we were together...he was always the victim. if you meet him you would think he was the most upstanding citizen...he plays out this perfect gentleman role to everyone. im almost afraid to discover the truth...how would it effect my daughter when she is older if she found out that her father faked cancer to avoid financially supporting her. Anyway if his son doesn't respond then at least I know he is chip off the old block and has been dealt lots of lies too. I will see how this pans out and will think about it much more before I let his wife know.