Experiences of Bankruptcy? Please be kind. Very fragile single mum of 2

[StaciesMom]

Hi,

Looking for some support and advice. It's a very long story as to how but despite a reasonably good career I have ended up with crippling debts. Mostly through trying to keep on top of life as a single parent and going back to uni to retrain which I thought would give us a better life but so far that's been a couple edged sword.

Had a traumatic experience and bailiffs have been to my house but thankfully I was able to borrow some money to keep them at bay for now and have sought some debt advice from a voluntary organisation.

They have recommended bankruptcy which initially I said no way but given that I have no assets (I rent house / lease car), they feel it would be best way to protect me. I talked through it with them and it appears my idea of bankruptcy is now outdated and it's as awful as I thought. I just wondered if anyone had been through this and could give me some reassurances? Particularly about the stigma for example, telling new relationships, people within your family etc.

Please be kind. I know debt is seen as irresponsible but this has been an accumulation of keeping my children warm, clothes and fed. I'm not frivolous nor do I go out socialising all the time. A night on the sofa with a book from the charity shop is about as exciting as my night gets. I would just like to be able to move forward without the stress, worry and strain this is currently putting on me and try and live again.

Thank you in advance xxx

Can't help with the stigma, although it does seem less these days. Partly I think because of the easy availability of credit and partly due to the fact that your bankruptcy is no longer published in the local paper.

Would going bankrupt affect your career in any way?

Yes I didn't realise about the paper thing but that's made me more relieved.

No work wouldn't be affected. My immediate bosses are aware of the problems and are really supportive so I'm lucky in that respect.

I just worry that down the line, say if I were to tell a new partner about this, they may judge me and end things. Which I guess means they aren't worth it etc but I just wondered if people thought it would put someone off?

Don't feel bad, any one who judges you should walk a mile in your shoes.
I've been a single mum, if I hadn't had my parents as a safety net, helping me out when the car broke down etc then I would have been in your shoes now.

Don't feel ashamed, anyone sensible won't judge you

I went bankrupt a few years ago and it was pretty straightforward. I didn't need to tell anyone so I didn't experience any stigma. My family and friends don't know and it's virtually impossible to find out about unless they decided to search specifically for it (it doesn't come up on Google). DH knows (I met him after I went bankrupt) but only because it came up when we were buying a house - mortgage had to be done in his name as I wouldn't have been able to get a mortgage.

It didn't affect my everyday finances much. I opened a new basic bank account before going bankrupt and I was allowed to keep it, and I've opened several more since then. I've been able to take out credit cards to rebuild my credit. I could keep my mobile contract and electricity/gas suppliers and I didn't have any assets for them to take. It was a very effective and quick way of getting out of the burden of debt. The only problems that might happen in your case are that you might find it difficult to rent as landlords do a credit check (wasn't an issue for me as I was in council rented) and it might affect certain jobs in future (not an issue for my industry).

Thank you for all your kind comments.

Aftergrasses that really does make me feel better. Was it a hard process to go through. I have very little mental energy left and am literally putting my last into sorting this out. I someone supporting me but would prefer it was kept quiet from family and friends so it's reassuring you didn't have to tell anyone!

How did DH react when he found out?

I am not too worried about the rental thing, the tenancy I am in is longer term and hopefully by time I am ready to move I will be well past the 12 months x

I know it can affect your ability to obtain insurance - car, home etc., and you're not allowed to have more than £500 of credit until you've been discharged. The government website and StepChange have a lot of information available online.
MoneySavingExpert also has a good section (with a forum) so it might be worth investigating that? I think most people say the run up is the worst part. Once you've had your telephone interview with the official receiver, most people say they are very relieved. You'll probably find you're better off and will also have much less stress.
I wish you all the best.

forums.moneysavingexpert.com/forumdisplay.php?f=136

Here is Draughtys suggestion.

Wish you good luck, it's a temporary blip that's all.

I haven't had experience directly but when my dp met his ex, she was in very bad debt. He helped her pay it off and the only thing affected was the mortgage had to go in his name. One of my closest friends is paying but off debt run up by her ex and her current partner is helping her to do this...
I suppose what I'm saying if you're upfront with a new partner, it doesn't mean they will walk away.
Good luck OP, hope things get better for you. Like a poster above said if it wasn't for my parents, I could have found myself in your position x

Yes it's a very emotionally draining process. It took me years to actually just get the paperwork together to be honest. DH was very understanding, he wasn't shocked as he knew it was a struggle being a single mum.

The bankruptcy stays on your credit record for six years though so it will come up in credit checks for longer than 12 months.You get discharged after a year but that is just about bankruptcy restrictions.

Thank you all, I cannot express how helpful this all is to hear and no that other people have been in similar situations and survived.

Most of you have mentioned help from parents. I guess the complication is that although my parents are helpful and around, it's probably too much. My dad has some mental health issues and is very narcissistic and manipulating so his help always comes at a price. He appears to be a lovely person on the face of it and in many ways is, he will never let me forget that I have messed up so badly and so even if I manage to get through the trauma of the bankruptcy and was lucky enough to meet someone I wanted in my life, the psychological hold he will try and maintain over me will last much much longer as in his eyes, I will owe him. My parents see my situation as a failure on my part. I guess that whole part of it stresses me more than the actual bankruptcy. I will be free from the stress of the debtors but I may never be able to be free from the parental hangover.

I'll have a look at some of the forums. I have an advisor helping me and she's lovely. I expect it to be mentally draining and stressful but I think I just need hope that at some point in the future I may wake in the morning and this isn't the first thing I think about or that my day is spent with the spectre of it looming behind me. Fingers crossed x

I think once you've made the actual decision and 'go with it', you'll feel better as you have a plan and you'll be more in control (as you'll be aware of the outcomes). Your parents don't need to know. It's actually none of anyone else's business.

Honestly I went BR years ago and it was the best decision ive ever made, never felt stigma, court was hassle free and relaxed and I felt I got my life back again. We kept our car and only paid a small amount to the official receiver for 10mths as we were early discharged. We've not experienced any issues getting credit either. The hardest part was making a final decision to go through with it but once everything was started it was like a huge weight was lifted from our shoulders. Make sure you've received debt advice to make sure it's right for you but don't be frightened of the process it's really not all bad :) Happy to go through any questions you may have if you want to PM them?

you read about celeb going bankrupt maybe more than once maybe e, that's due to being extravagant with lifestyle, then following week they pictured on holiday, how can that be its like sticking 2 fingers up

For you its a different case and shouldn't feel bad about it.

Maybe this is what you need to try and get life back on track, if any future potential partners moan etc, they haven't been in your shoes and are not worth it.

The celeb thing does seem unfair, but that is down to the way br works. When you go br you are allowed to keep a % of your income after all essentials have been covered (rent, utilities, etc.) the rest then goes to the OR. The % you are allowed to keep depends on how much surplus you have. Someone on a low income with £100 surplus may be able to keep 50% and pay the other 50% to the OR. Someone on a higher income with £500 surplus may be able to keep 20% and pay 80% to the OR. If you earn megabucks and have £5000 surplus then they could keep 10% and pay 90% to the OR.

Thank you all.

Hobbitmum I have PM'd you. Thank you for the offer.

And you're all right, I ended up like this through survival and not extravagance x

Hi all, just an update to say that I am in the middle of filling in my application etc.

Still hard (and I haven't been well which didn't help) but I confessed all in sheer desperation to a very close friend, only for him to tell me that he went through the exact same thing 20 years ago. He's been really supportive which is helping.

For those who commented that had been through it themselves, I just wondered what to expect after it is agreed? Do I have to provide regular bank statements etc? Have phone calls with anyone? Just trying to get my head round the aftermath x

Glad to hear that you're making progress with the application OP.

In my case I didn't have to provide any statements, but it was a few years ago and I know the process has changed a bit. I had to have a phone call with my OR which is fine, it will just be asking about your financial situation and checking up on any queries from your form. They might ask you to make some repayments but only from wages, not student grants/loans or benefits. You have to keep them updated of any changes in income but only for the first year, or if you're making repayments.

Hi OP,

There is a website called DebtCamel and there is lots of advice about bankruptcy, what happens during and afterwards.

Here is the link

I would like to recommend Payplan to help with this, they are really good and free,

www.payplan.com

They are so helpful and friendly and have helped me overt he years with a DMP.

I have also heard good things about Stepchange who are similar.

If you have no assets an IVA may be appropriate for you? You could ask

I had a partner who went through bankruptcy. It was the best thing he ever did. The debt collectors stopped hounding and he was able to move on with his life. You'll be okay and you'll get past this. PM if you want

I don't know anything about bankruptcy, but just wanted to express support. You sound like a good and lovely person - there should be no shame here. This is a chance to reset the clock on your finances.