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Original poster

School Fees and Grandparents Paying them

94 replies

Whoooosh · 22/03/2007 16:36

Am about to pluck up courage to ask my father to pay dd's school fees.
My three sisters all had private and public school education whereas I went through the state system.

I would dearly love to send dd to a private school but realistically knwo it will be a huge struggle.

I hate asking anyone for anything and I know the money won't really make a huge difference to him but I just wondered if there were any tax advantages for Grandparents paying school fees.

It's not that I want to sweeten him up-just want to show him I have done my homework-and where better than MN?

OP posts:

Anna8888 · 23/03/2007 12:16

Being a SAHM also requires an education in order to have the self-confidence to negotiate on equal terms with partner and to make intelligent choices for one's family.

Plus, I see everyday the crap that an uneducated nanny fills children's head with, which is a good argument for educated SAHMs.

Judy1234 · 23/03/2007 13:29

Some nannies are better than stay at home mothers. You can't generalise.

Anna8888 · 23/03/2007 13:45

Of the nannies I see, about 2% are decent, 98% are between bad and appalling.

amidaiwish · 23/03/2007 13:56

my 2 younger sisters had private education
my older sister and i didn't
i got the best exam results (not by much... but still)
we all have pretty good professional jobs, paid fairly similar amounts.

a lot has to do with family, expectations, upbringing etc.. not just the school. We have plenty of family friends who have children privately educated from age 3, who in their 30's still are not settled in a career... or even a good job imo. They expect it to land in their lap, and have no work ethic.

off high horse now. too much work to do!

Original poster

Whoooosh · 23/03/2007 14:51

Wow-been busy,so many replies-thank you all.

Well interestingly,I currently have done better than my siblings although I am 38 and the others are 34,22 and 19 only.
They however are far "better read" know more about the arts and music and have been exposed to greater opportunities than I was.

I think what I want for my daughter is the chance to send her to a school which suits her and where she is happy-at the moment,from ones open to us,it is the independent which I favour.

I am pretty sure that as long as each sibling didn't have 6 children,he could afford the school fees.

As for treating fairly-he has bought the two youngest homes which I was not supposed to find out about and I am pretty sure has paid off most of the elder ones mortgage.

The argument has always been I am much older and very independent

I am,but I would love to be able to afford (as we all would)to give dd the best opportunities (my father's money can buy).

OP posts:

Judy1234 · 23/03/2007 17:24

Interesting. I always felt my younger siblings got a bit more help because I married at 21 and was the eldest, not that I really resented it and we all had school fees paid for us as children. As a parent now with 3 at university I am already seeing how hard it is to treat them equally but all you can do is treat them all exactly the same.

Original poster

Whoooosh · 23/03/2007 20:29

With regard to paying for all the (potential) Granchildren.....part of the reason (though ashamed to admit it) is one of the reasons my Dad sent the others to public school was so the could "meet and marry the right kind of person".....and I have let him down royally-which may be why he invested in the others?

OP posts:

Hulababy · 23/03/2007 20:36

"Arugably any mumnetter who chooses to be a housewife is helping to perpetuate that too. "

I disgagree with this statement. The fact that they are choosing rather than having to, or being expected to, means that they are not perpetuating old thoughts.

ssd · 23/03/2007 20:44

Anna, I've been a nanny and I agree with your last post

also applies to childminders round here (but not on MN!)

Judy1234 · 23/03/2007 20:56

hb, I don't agree. They think they're choosing but they aren't really. They're just following the onditioning they have been subjected to whilst thinking it is a choice and low and behold guess what - the choice is that the woman is home and the man is working, what a coinicidence it happens to be that way round, random chance is it?

ssd · 23/03/2007 20:57

xenia

not again

zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

hatwoman · 23/03/2007 21:06

it's also impossible to know whether parents are treating their children equally until the fat lady sings. so to speak. I know that where my mum has helped each of us - for different things at different times of our life it's all going to get accounted for in the final reckoning. not every parent will think like this I know, but it seems to me the only fair way to do it.

Hulababy · 23/03/2007 21:14

I still disagree Xenia. I choose to work part time. That is simply so that I can spend more time with DD, but also bring in some cash, what we use for holidays, etc. But when DH is equity partner next April I am choosing not to work, other than a little bit of supply teaching - that is just to keep my hand in in case I want to return to teaching at a later date. At present I WANT to spend more time at home and be around with DD. I wish I had had the chance to work less hours when DD was tiny too, but couldn't.

For me, choosing to work FT now I have DD would be out of the question. For me, being a mum is more important than my work.

But it is not conditioning - it is entirely MY CHOICE!

Judy1234 · 23/03/2007 22:10

Why isn't it your husband's choice? Plenty of female lawyers give up work to live off a teacher husband's income because they choose to. Does he not love the children as much or does he prefer the office to spending time with them? Do you give him a choice? Does he really have a choice at all?

controlfreakyfluffybunny · 23/03/2007 22:19

oh xenia, put a sock in it love.

Hulababy · 23/03/2007 22:38

DH's choice is different to mine. Why would we want to live off the lower salary too? Dh loves his work. He loves DD more - hence him chosing a better work life balance situation very recently. But DH wants to work FT and I want to work PT, or less possibly. So, we are doing what makes both of us happiest - to me that is a aprtnership working well!

Xenia, not everyone is like you. Please accept that that is allowed and it doesn't make us wrong or somewhat inferior. Some of us chose to be at home with our children as much as possible. That is what I want, so I have chsen to do that/.

themildmanneredjanitor · 23/03/2007 22:39

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

controlfreakyfluffybunny · 23/03/2007 22:40

neeeeeeigh..... clip clop clip clop (xenia's hobby horse)

RTKangaMummy · 23/03/2007 23:04

What is rather strange is that although Xenia says all this stuff about other women and their intelligence

If she is soooooooooooo intelligent why can't she "change the record" and have different topics of conversation???????

amidaiwish · 24/03/2007 06:56

because she is a paid plant to keep the threads going and to generate debate/a reaction...

because every other lawyer i know struggles to have time to do a poo, never mind sit on mumsnet for hours every day whilst apparently earning millions.

Judy1234 · 24/03/2007 08:37

It's just very strange why the women's choices are always housewife and the men's choice and heart's desire is work. It just means it's not really choice, just conditioning and sexism.

themildmanneredjanitor · 24/03/2007 09:03

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ssd · 24/03/2007 20:26

amidaiwish

think you're right

Judy1234 · 24/03/2007 21:39

ami, I'm superlatively efficient with time obviously. And I've been ill for the last few weeks so on line a bit more than usual.

Original poster

Whoooosh · 24/03/2007 22:19

Oh dear....I thought i was asking an innocent question and off it all goes again

OP posts:

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