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Original poster

Stressed over debt.

22 replies

Drybonesthatdream · 21/06/2017 09:37

I'm in about 5k worth of debt and am struggling to even make a dent in it. I make about 1100 a month working 2 jobs and I should have about 500 quid left after priority bills but it just never seems to happen! My DP is on a crap wage and I always seem to end up piggybacking us both and ending up with no money a week before pay day. It's really getting me down. I already have a CCJ and don't want another one but stepchange are proving to be very little help. Any ideas and suggestions?

OP posts:
frazzled3ds · 21/06/2017 09:43

Have you tried your local Citizens Advice Bureau for some advice? They've helped me in the past and were great.

Draw up a detailed income and expenditure sheet so you can see what is coming in and going out, and what is left over. Then you can get in touch with the various creditors you have and explain your circumstances. They should then work with you to devise a manageable payment plan for those debts. I have a number of these kinds of arrangements (my total debt is rather more than yours!) and whilst it's taking a fair while to clear it all, it is now under control and slowly but surely coming down. There are also other organisations similar to step change who can offer advice and support, I can't remember the names of them, other posters may be able to. Whatever you do, do not use a debt management company that charges a fee as what you end up paying each month ends up with a fair chunk swallowed up by their fees and charges.

Good luck!

Original poster
Drybonesthatdream · 21/06/2017 09:46

It's probably about 5.5k, I just feel like I'm never going to get anywhere with it when we can't even last a month with approx 1800 quid between us. I also feel like DP just expects me to pick up the slack - he has a classic car and thinks nothing of bombing over 100 quid on new parts for it whilst I'm holding off on my new primark knickers because we're so broke. No credit cards - all overdraft, payday loans and catalogues with credit limits. Sick now!

OP posts:
frazzled3ds · 21/06/2017 09:57

Get your DP to sit down with you and go through all the income and expenditure, so that he can see how certain things have to take priority.

Is there any possibility of a bank loan to consolidate it all, so that you can get shot of the more expensive payday and catalogue stuff? It really is worth going along to the CAB too with your budget sheet, and they should be able to help you approach your creditors to get things in place to manage it all.

frazzled3ds · 21/06/2017 09:58

This might help too:

www.moneyadviceservice.org.uk/en/tools/debt-advice-locator

Original poster
Drybonesthatdream · 21/06/2017 10:05

Thanks for the advice, it's really starting to grind me down and I just can't see how to start improving things. I don't mind helping DP out but it infuriates me when he just expects me to pull money out of my backside - I do have a very supportive mother who would give me her last and my granda does do food shopping for my if I am completely stuck but they aren't going to help in the long run. It's DP I want to learn to stand on his own 2 feet but it honestly makes me so angry when he starts with the car parts - he's replaced his clutch twice in 3 months because he built a turbo charger into his engine and the clutch is worn out from it and now the tyres are bald off him wheel spinning. I don't mind him having the car and wouldn't make him get rid of his hobby I just need him to understand the value of money and priority bills?

OP posts:
Teddy6767 · 21/06/2017 10:12

In what way were stepchange unhelpful? They were very helpful when I used them and I initially had 10k debt with crippling monthly repayments to all my creditors, but stepchange froze all my interest and I only had to pay back £225 in total every month. Took 4 years to pay it all off but I'm now completely debt free and my credit rating is starting to improve slowly

frazzled3ds · 21/06/2017 10:14

That sounds like the biggest challenge to be honest! Perhaps as you draw up your budget you could allocate 'pocket money' for his hobby and he has to learn that that's it each month, no handouts or top ups - if something is going to cost more than what's available he'll have to wait til the next month etc... If you can get him to go along with you to CAB or speak with whoever you approach for support that may help too - sometimes hearing it from an objective third party person can help get the point home.

Original poster
Drybonesthatdream · 21/06/2017 11:09

Teddy - recommended an administration order via the courts and then wouldn't help any further - they had 'done their bit' essentially.

Frazzled - I'm going to have to. It's driving me crazy.

As it stands gonna offer to make token payments until I can get something organised with CAB - doing a budget sheet as we speak.

OP posts:
Teddy6767 · 21/06/2017 11:12

Would they not put you on a debt management plan? Why not?
Doing a budget with your DP will definitely help - if you were able to put £150 towards the debt by standing order every month then you would clear it in around 3 years

Iflyaway · 21/06/2017 11:22

I do have a very supportive mother who would give me her last and my granda does do food shopping for my if I am completely stuck

So basically they are funding your DP's hobby....

I would be furious!

Original poster
Drybonesthatdream · 21/06/2017 11:26

Flyaway - yup! I find it embarrassing and always return the money- which becomes another cycle to break - but it just gives him another way to 'opt out' of facing reality. He's older than me, has lived with a partner before. He's not stupid. I just don't see why I end up carrying him when he was the main earner and managed to stand on his own two feet first time round.

OP posts:
AdoraBell · 21/06/2017 16:34

Do you have DC with him? To be completely honest I don't think I could stay with someone who caused my DM and grandmother to provide food. And for a hobby? Erm, fuck that.

But yes, drag him along to CAB to go through debts/income/outgoing with a fine tooth comb.

user1497212915 · 21/06/2017 21:31

In a similar situation, I have 5k debt which I want to clear now by next year, but it is demoralising when it never seems to reduce. My husband doesn't have an expensive hobby but he does spend money without thinking. I've told him that we need to start being strict but that hasn't really slowed him down. At the beginning of July I'm putting him on a budget so will see how that works. Xx

Ellisandra · 21/06/2017 22:40

How can you be attracted to somewhere who takes money off your grandparent and - FFS - wheelspins his car?

Wheelspinning? That's not a hobby, that's being an arsehole. It would make him an arsehole at 19 but at least then there'd be some hope he'd grow up.

I would work on your budget excluding him.

QUEENYLAVERNE · 21/06/2017 23:15

I think where your partner is concerned i'd learn the word 'NO' sharpish...from personal experience

Havingahorridtime · 22/06/2017 09:40

So, you are working 2 jobs and earning more than your DP and yet he fritters money that you don't have due to wheel Spinning his car and fitting turbos to it causing it to need new clutches?
I think he really needs to get rid of the car or at the very least learn to look after it properly so you are not constantly wasting money on it. If he isn't happy with those options then his other option is to get a second job so he can self fund his frivolous hobby.
You need to stop funding the car and put the money towards reducing your debt.

user1497212915 · 29/06/2017 09:06

I've recently downloaded GoodBudget onto my phone and it's helping in keeping the money on track. You can see what you're spending and on what. I know you've already identified the problem, but it might be handy to share the results with your partner xxx

watchingitallagain · 29/06/2017 09:13

My ex was shot with money too. He didn't care that I went without to pay his share. Best thing I ever did was leave him. Flowers

I hear from mutual friends that he's just as bad now, ten years down the line. It's a very difficult behaviour to change.

TinselTwins · 30/06/2017 14:28

You have a DH problem and a debt problem secondary to that

I think you need to agree that you both contribute the same % of your respective earnings to a household necessities account, and then you both have the same % of your respective incomes as your individual spending money. So if he wants to spend more on his car HE has to generate it!

(eg. if you earn 1000 and he earns 500, you both put 60% into the household account, 600 from you and 300 from him. Leaving you with 400 disposable for the month and him wih 200 disposable per month.. but thats for EVERYTHING, so if he wants to spend 100 of that on his car he'll have to cut all other non essentials down to 25per week)

I wouldn't usually think this approach is fair, DH and I try to end up with the same amount of "spending money" each even if our incomes vary re who is earning more/less, but given your DHs attitude, I think this approach for a year or so might change the way he sees money!

ImperialBlether · 30/06/2017 14:30

You'd be much better off without him. He thinks he can run a classic car on £700 total wages per month? He's taking the piss out of you.

ImperialBlether · 30/06/2017 14:31

He's not working full time, then?

WinstonChurchill · 21/07/2017 15:20

How's it going with saving

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