Hi all,
I'm married with two kids and I'm really struggling to find a method of budgeting that works with my partner. As I'm sure you can imagine, this is leading to arguments and stress.
My wife has worked on and off part time for the last 10 years and brings in less than £800 a month. I run my own business, and make up the rest each month.
On paper, our out goings are (say) 3K, but we have trouble sticking with this.
When we go over budget, the onus is me to find the extra money from my company. This is a pain as I'd much rather create a buffer so that the next month's money was ready - rather than (as now) we tend to live month to month.
The method we've tried is this:
- create a spreadsheet of all outgoings
- create a set of separate accounts to help save towards things like Xmas, birthdays, DIY, emergency, holidays etc
My aim is obviously to build up money in these accounts so that we are planning a lot more and spending from what we have accumulated - rather than bouncing around in the overdraft.
Aspects of this approach has worked e.g. we take out £100 a week in cash for food, once that is gone, it's gone. Spending cash is a good way to watch where your money goes! We also did well last year saving up a chunk of money for Xmas.
We also manage to put a little bit of money aside for the each of us each month so that we can spend a little on what we like - allows you to escape the tyranny of the budget and to spend your bit on whatever the heck you want.
The problem is, in general, it doesn't really work.
My partner spends what she wants. Not in a crazy fashion - but there's never a thought of "Where is this coming from?", "How much can we spend at B&Q?' etc - it's just "well, we need this, so I must by it". It just reaches a point where she says to me "When can you put more money in?", and I'm increasingly find that unfair.
The really stress point here is that it is up to me to make up the shortfall. You might think that I need to put more consistently & I have done in but I'm loathed to keep on upping the ante each month unless it is in light of a controlled budget - otherwise, as a business owner, I'm not making hay when the sun shines. If I have a bad few months (as can happen), there are no reserves to draw on as we aren't really budgeting; and, when that has happened, I get "why aren't you paying money in?" - completely oblivious to what I've contributed to date.
I've tried to speak to my wife, but it's just the source of arguments. She doesn't understand my point of view that I feel this is unfair on me as I need to find the short fall all the time. She finds talking about money boring (as if it's something I want to talk about!) and gets defensive and argumentative about it. I've explained that if I did not work for myself, and had a fixed monthly wage (as most people do), we would have to find a way to resolve this. And, part of me thinks about doing just that to force the situation - i.e. with a fixed wage you simply can't find more money each month.
I'm sure my wife's money will improve in time, but I'd rather be in the position that, as it improves, we are spending it sensibly. At the moment it's chaotic, and stressful.
Any ideas?
What budgeting approaches work for you?
Thanks
J.
p.s. apologies for the long, rambling email.