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Original poster

My boyfriend is tight with money !

24 replies

Hollie96x · 07/06/2017 14:56

Me and my bf have been together since we were 17 (we are now 20 and 21) our daughter was born 2 years ago and she is the best thing to ever happen to us. Since she has been born I have noticed that my partner is very tight with money (I think it is because he doesn't realise how hard it is to financially care for a child and because we are quite young) we both have jobs he works full time and I work 3 days a week ,he gets more money than I do. We share the cost on everything (food shopping ,rent ,nappys ,clothes for our daughter etccc) but I have been noticing that he will say to me that he can't afford to give half for whatever it is we are buying and he will say that he will give his half when he gets paid (he almost never does this) but somehow can afford to go to the pub with his mates! It makes me angry that he does this but cannot afford to pay for his half for things for our daughter! I ask him if we can take our daughter for a day to the zoo or the seaside or a soft play area but he say no because it costs to much and it's money that we don't have! This upsets me because I don't want our daughter to miss out on things like that while she's young .we also each have a car but he rarely drives it as he makes me driver everywhere ( again being tight in money for petrol etc) He is a great dad to our daughter just when It comes to the money side of things I wish he wasn't like this.

How can I go about talking to him about this without causing an argument?

Help!!

OP posts:
ImperialBlether · 07/06/2017 15:01

Please stop thinking he's a good father. A good father wouldn't be cheating the child's mother out of money. It's really terrible how he's expecting you to subsidise him. What does he say when you confront him?

Original poster
Hollie96x · 07/06/2017 15:03

I havnt actually confronted him on this because I don't want to cause an argument I need to find a way of bringing it up without causing an argumentSad

OP posts:
hellhasnofurylikeahungrywoman · 07/06/2017 15:05

But he is not a great dad is he? Not really, not if he is not willing to put her above his desire to go out to the pub with his mates. Have you sat down together and gone over the income and outgoings so he can see where the money goes? Do you split bills 50/50 or do you split according to income because at the moment it appears that you are earning less but putting in more.

Pallisers · 07/06/2017 15:12

another "great dad"

If you split everything 50/50 then he needs to pay his half of the childcare you do on the 2 days you aren't working.

You can't talk to him about this without argument - he will argue with you because he wants to keep his money for good times and leave you as the sole supporter of his daughter.

Whathaveilost · 07/06/2017 15:16

Someone beat me to it but i had come on to say him paying half isnt fair unless you both earning roughly the same amount of money. It needs to be proportional if you were only working for 2 days.

Original poster
Hollie96x · 07/06/2017 15:16

Yeah we do split the bills equally just on the other things that I guess he thinks are 'less important' he says he has no money for 👎🏻 No we havnt sat down Together and looked and the income and outgoings

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RandomUsernameHere · 07/06/2017 15:17

He should be paying a lot more than 50% if you are only working 3 days/week. He is totally out of order IMO. I would sit down and speak to him calmly about this, explaining why it is so unfair. Plan out the points you want to make beforehand.

Whathaveilost · 07/06/2017 15:19

All this should have been sorted before you thought about getting pregnant!
You have now ended up with a tight are who is reluctant to look after his child's needs and you are frightened if in case you have an argument.
This bodes well!

HouseworkIsASin10 · 07/06/2017 15:19

Sounds like he begrudges contributing anything.

Nothing more unattractive than a mingebag.

Original poster
Hollie96x · 07/06/2017 15:25

I earn slightly less than him so that's why I was paying 50/50 if I was earning a lot less then there is no way that I would pay as much as I do . The other day he was talking about trying for another child but with how he is about support the one we have I don't know if I want to have another one ☹️

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hellhasnofurylikeahungrywoman · 07/06/2017 15:27

Firstly draw up a list of income and outgoings, make sure you cover everything there are some good online tools that can help with this like this for example. Then sit down together and draw up a more realistic amount that each of you pay in to the household bills. It worries me a bit that you seem scared of upsetting him and 'causing' a row.

NotHotDogMum · 07/06/2017 15:42

Tell him you have decided to start budgeting better.

Draw up a list of incoming and outgoings (making a note of what joint costs are incurred for your DC)

I suggest you open a joint account and each deposit a certain amount in monthly, this account can be used for days out for DD, birthday presents, clubs and activities. You both have access to the account and only spend from it when both in agreement.

Failing that, you need to write down each time he owes you money because he's short paid on items for your DD. Present him with the amount on payday each month and make sure you get it from him.

Please don't have anymore children with this man. He sounds like a cocklodger.

Original poster
Hollie96x · 07/06/2017 15:44

I will talk to him about it tonight and hopefully he will listen Hmm thanks for your help! I'm worried about starting an argument with him because he just gets so angry and it just seems more trouble than it's worth sometimes X

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Original poster
Hollie96x · 07/06/2017 15:47

A joint bank account seems like a good idea I will put that idea forward and hopefully will help to make things better , I am abit reluctant to have anymore children with him atm atleast anyway Hmm thanks for your advice x

OP posts:
NotHotDogMum · 07/06/2017 15:48

He is banking on the fact that you are afraid of confronting him, that's why he gets angry to make sure you don't confront him. This is not healthy.

Explain you are short of money each month and need to make some changes, add up what you spend on DD, if you don't want a direct confrontation ask his 'advice' on how you can both manage your money better.

Next time he promises to 'pay you back' just say no, you can't afford to buy it this month then.

ImperialBlether · 07/06/2017 15:52

I'm not sure I'd have a joint bank account with this man. Or I would have one for bills, but I'd want my own account, too.

There's no rush to have another baby. I'd tell him that you're thinking about another child but given his meanness you think you'd be mad to go ahead.

NotHotDogMum · 07/06/2017 15:55

Just to clarify I meant a joint account just for DD's expenses totally separate from your own bank account obviously.

Original poster
Hollie96x · 07/06/2017 15:58

Yeah I understood that haha I'll talk to him and see what he says fingers crossed

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OliviaStabler · 07/06/2017 15:59

I couldn't live with a man who is tight with money. You need to have this out with him and get him back on track where he stops spending money on himself and starts thinking of his family. I was a child where money was spent elsewhere while I sat at home and my friends were out and about, very upsetting.

Original poster
Hollie96x · 07/06/2017 16:10

Thanks for your reply I will talk to him about it tonight and see what happens Smile

OP posts:
NellieFiveBellies · 07/06/2017 16:16

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
Hollie96x · 07/06/2017 16:19

He does act childish about things he needs to realise that he has a family that come first and his social activities second

OP posts:
19lottie82 · 07/06/2017 21:48

Wait until your little one grows up and starts asking for things, and money...... best knock this on the head now, or he's in for a real shock!

Original poster
Hollie96x · 07/06/2017 22:41

I know that's what I'm scared of ,thanks for your message Smile

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