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Original poster

Unmarried property mess

45 replies

thejewelyoulost · 21/04/2017 00:44

Name changed. Not sure if I should post in legal. Partner and I are splitting. No children, sadly, and no legal standing for me with the house. No marriage. These are also the main reasons we are splitting up.

Can anyone advise me a bit with the property. Things are a mess but fairly amicable at the moment. He has moved out. When 'we' bought the house it was him, his mother and father on the deeds. I was excluded, much to my consternation, but it was agreed we would draw up a legal agreement after the mortgage went though - this never happened. Now his parents are apparently signing the house over to him/getting themselves off the deeds.

Now we are splitting, what are the options? He wants to split fairly. All the original equity was his (mainly his parents' actually). Do we now get married and then divorced? Draw up a cohabitation agreement? The house was bought for 285000 with a mortgage of about 100000. It's now worth about 450000, perhaps more or less.

I know I'm in a dreadful position, have always known so please go easy on me, I know I've been stupid.

OP posts:

neitherthisnorthat · 21/04/2017 03:40

Like others, I would find yourself a good lawyer asap (and don't be penny wise and pound foolish, a good lawyer will earn back what they cost, whereas an inexperienced one might not).

The lawyer might tell you that if you haven't paid the mortgage sometimes (a third or whatever), then what did you pay for instead? Did you sock your money away into a personal savings account, or were you paying more than your share in household bills and so on? Dig up your financial records, drag your memory about who paid for holidays etc.

The lawyer might also tell you that you went into the arrangement believing it would be legalized. Therefore, you deserve a share of the increase in value (if you weren't living with him and effectively paying him "rent" you'd have bought a (smaller) place by yourself sometime within those 12 years, and would now have that increase in value.

I hope this helps. Try and not take things too personally right now. It's a difficult time and it will get better in the end. But time is of the essence. Right now he's probably feeling guilty. Don't let him mentally move on, and then listen to HIS lawyer.

Original poster

thejewelyoulost · 21/04/2017 03:46

Thanks people. I am 39 and wanted children but he refused or put it off. I know I could have left earlier, I thought he would come round. Even now I catch myself thinking he will.

OP posts:

user1492232552 · 21/04/2017 03:53

It's not too late for children, but time is of the essence so you need a chunk of equity to get yourself a nice home and settled so that can happen.

Goosegettingfat · 21/04/2017 03:57

Do you definitely both want to split?(apologies if very unhelpful to ask)

peukpokicuzo · 21/04/2017 04:20

Don't even think of getting married purely to be able to get legal rights for divorce - that would be a massive waste of time and money.

Your ex is being amicable and conceding that you can have some of the house equity. That is generous, he would be able to shafts you and leave you with nothing if he were a git.

Look at it the other way around - what should he be entitled to as a minimum.

The house was bought for 285000 with a mortgage of about 100000. It's now worth about 450000

Unknowns: I'm going to assume for the sake of easy sums that over 12 years the mortgage has been reduced to 75,000. You said you were going to contribute 1/3rd of mortgage but haven't due to legal stuff not being sorted so I'm guessing a figure of your actual contribution to joint housing costs being 20% but this could be less.

So ex & his parents have contributed 185,000 initial capital and 80% of the mortgage payments that reduced the mortgage to £75,000. So at a minimum he should get £323,685 of the current £450,000 value as he put in 72% of the funding so should get out 72% of the final amount. The bank is owed £75,000 so the remainder is £51,315. So if the above assumptions were right then £51.3k would be the absolute maximum you might reasonably ask for.

Err on the side of caution though. If you are greedy you are more likely to end up with nothing. Even if you do end up with nothing you have had 12 years of lower living costs than if you had been renting alone so you haven't done too badly.

39 isn't too old to start over. Pick yourself up, straighten your crown and get out there to build your new life.

LIZS · 21/04/2017 05:07

Was the mortgage repayment or interest only? If the latter it probably won't have reduced the amount owed unless he has overpaid to reduce the capital. If he was wiling to consider marrying just for the sake of sorting this why can't he still "buy" you out on same terms, ie. pay you equivalent of some of the equity . As a spouse you could be entitled to half, are you still happy with a third? Will he be prepared to sell up in order to release money though, especially given the situation with his parents, or agree to you putting a charge on the title, otherwise it is academic and legally not enforceable. His action would be out of goodwill.

Phillipa12 · 21/04/2017 05:18

If the house was bought for 285 with a 100 mortgage then he/his parents put in 185. Take 185 of say 450 if thats what it sells for which leaves 265, if hes feeling generous then ask for a 1/3 of that seeing as thats what you wanted to pay and you have helped towards betterment of the house by contributing towards decorating. But seeing as you were paying less expect less, paying towards bills and furniture is an irrlevance as that is just normal living costs.

KanielOutis · 21/04/2017 06:27

This is another example of marriage being the only thing that offers the protection of marriage. I'd snap his arm off quick with any offer because to offer at all is generous in the circumstances and he could quickly change his mind.

RebootYourEngine · 21/04/2017 06:39

You said that you were together for 12 years but you didnt say how long you had lived in that house together? If it was for as long as that and you were paying in regularly i would be asking for quite a big lump sum. Something like 50/60k.

befuddledgardener · 21/04/2017 06:45

So his parents put in 185k. Was the money given to him or you both?

Mortgage was 100k but what is it now? 65k? 40k?

If the parents gave him the cash, between 80k and 120k would be reasonable.

If the parents intended you both to have the deposit, between 220k and 145k. More if you both equally put into bills and upkeep, less if you didn't.

DrasticAction · 21/04/2017 09:58

Hi OP sorry for the replies you got but that is typical MN response where money is concerned, you have given 12 years of your life here and I assume helped with the house in other ways? Keeping it maintained, decorated - etc etc?

As other PP said get this in writing legally quickly. He wants to give you something - thats the main thing not what other random MN think you should get you naughty girl as PP said though - men do move on quickly so get it in writing and get a figure sorted out soon.

Good luck, it can happen to anyone .

DrasticAction · 21/04/2017 10:07

try on legal board as well op

QuiteLikely5 · 21/04/2017 10:12

Of course he won't marry you! That would defeat the object of keeping you off the deeds for all these years.

The whole reason he didn't marry you years ago was so you couldn't get this house or any of his earnings.

I'd be quite surprised if you get any of this house since they have spent so long keeping it from you?!

It's not going to happen. Move on

TheMerryWidow1 · 21/04/2017 10:24

get legal help etc quick before he changes his mind!!

Graceflorrick · 21/04/2017 10:27

You need legal advice OP. Go to see a solicitor today

meditrina · 21/04/2017 10:33

If what you paid wa cheaper than renting, then you may well find that it is hard for you to get anything. You got a good deal by living in a place that was cheaper for you than living single would be.

If you wanted the legal protections of marriage, or the formal statement of intentions of a cohabitation agreement, they are needed at the outset, not at the split.

If he is willing to pay you a lump sum to go away, just go for it! The house is not currently all his. I suggest you look at the 'share' between what he paid, what his parents paid and what was on mortgage at time of purchase. Now run those proportions again, against the current valuation. Look at the increase in value of the mortgaged 'share', and ask for 50% of the increase, rounded down as you say your contributions were not always forthcoming.

I hope you managed to find a decent saving vehicle for the difference between your actual living costs with him and what they were likely to have been had you been living alone; and that it now amounts to enough for a deposit for a new place for you.

3luckystars · 21/04/2017 13:48

Are you living in the house alone now? Are you ok yourself?
I hope you are.

Ellisandra · 21/04/2017 14:19

As others have said, lawyer up now. He doesn't need to know.

What hasn't been said I think, is try to find a way to get this in writing asap. I don't mean a legal document - I mean, get the conversation onto email so you have some paper trail of him acknowledging that it was always intended that you should benefit.

I am surprised that someone who would repeatedly fail to sort out the legal side of things for years would then happily buy you out. I suspect you're in for a rough ride over the share.

RedHelenB · 21/04/2017 19:38

Ask for 100 000 but hope for 50 000. Get it asap while ge still feels guilty!

FruitBadger · 21/04/2017 19:48

My way of calculating a fair split would be...
His parents put in 185 at the beginning. Based on buying for 285 that's just under 65%

If the house is now worth 450 their share is now 292.

So, that leaves 450-293=158 for you and exDP to work with.

Take the remaining mortgage off the 158, what ever is left is the equity. Assuming you paid a third of bills, the remaining equity should be split a third to you and two thirds to him. If you paid less than a third, you need to adjust the split. If the house is going to be sold then the costs (estate agents, legal fees etc) need to be deducted at the same time as you take off the mortgage amount.

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