Worrying about future finances with a child

[dilapidated]

Dp and I bought our first house last year.
We are expecting a baby shortly.

Currently I earn more money than DP by around £8k per year.

I'm planning on taking full 9-12 month leave and have savings to cover for this.

What I am starting to worry about is what happens after.

Baby was a wonderful surprise, and initially I assumed I would go back to work nearly full time with the help of family who have offered to provide child care.

However, baby hasn't arrived yet and my mental health is taking a dive and I'm struggling to cope with daily tasks and worrying that going back nearly full time is unrealistic.

I also work in a high pressure environment with long hours (8-6 typically) where there has always been too much work for 1 person (me) and no matter how long my hours, I still don't get it all done.
If I return to work doing the same job but on a part time basis I can see myself still ending up working crazy hours just to get things done.

DP says he is happy if I don't want to return and we will be ok.
I have done the budgeting and know that we won't be unless a miracle happens. Somehow I will need to work.

I'm also worried that we signed up to a 2 year fixed mortgage deal so in 2 years time our earnings are likely to have dropped meaning we may struggle to renew onto a new fixed rate.

Are these all valid worries?

Is there anything I should / can be doing now to help reduce the future money worries?

I think it's difficult to know how you are going to feel until baby is here. I assumed I would go back full time after the birth of my baby, but towards the end of the year was chomping at the bit to go back. Felt very bored and stressed as a sahp.
Then, I went back full time and really struggled! Same job as you - high pressure, long hours, lots of responsibility. I would make it through work ok, then struggle at home as babies are so demanding. Felt like I was rubbish at everything.
Now I'm on 60 per cent hours, and it's working well. Work is still a struggle, and I definite you don't feel like I have enough time to do everything, but I'm only there 3 days, giving me lot s of time with my baby, to get jobs done and run a household.

Could you afford to go part time and see how it goes? You'll get child benefit if neither you nor your partner earns over 50k a year, so that'll top you up at bit.

Congratulations on your impending baby!

8-6 aren't really "long" hours, those are pretty standard. Most parents I know work those or very similar.

Being unmarried and the higher earner, there's no way I'd compromise my earning ability. It may be needed in the future to support myself and child.

It's typically a 50 hour week so yes I think it is excessive when you factor in commuting

We are getting married soon.
Due to difficult pregnancy it isn't happening before baby arrives but will as soon as I'm better and feeling up to it

All perfectly normal, valid worries. But you have time.

After 6 months of play groups, nappies, leaky breasts you might long for your old identity, work colleagues and stimulation. Flexible working, maybe one day a week working from home, a cleaner.. possibilities if you carry on. Not to mention the fact you might just like what your do.

Equally you might want to jack it in, have another baby and immerse yourself in motherhood.

Then again, could your DP become a SAHP?

It will all become clear and you have options.

Valid worries, worries I think most people have when getting down to the nitty griity of practicalities.

One thing you very much have as a positive is childcare, the cost of childcare for working 8-6 is crippling, so that's brilliant that you have that sorted.

Mortgage wise, why don't you enquire about what will be available after your fixed term is up, just to get your head around what to expect to plan?

Also if you have enough savings to see you ok for a year, plus maternity pay, do you have some leeway to returning earlier if you feel ready after 9-10 months?

I tagged my annual leave onto my mat leave so I returned part time on full time pay for a month or so while I worked out if I could cope......I couldn't cope with full time so reduced my hour's eventually leaving for a less stressful job with less demands but similar pay.
Best thing I could have done although it derailed me professionally and I have still not recovered 4 years,on.

I feel I made huge sacrifices.

That's very true.
I probably will want my own identity.

Even if it was part time.

It's reassuring to know these are normal worries

Ideally I wanted to breastfeed for a full year rather than weening off to go back sooner which is why I've been saving as much as possible while I can.

It's worrying about being derailed professionally and not catching up again, but at the moment I'm not coping well as it is so thinking if I do work itl have to be somewhere with less stress and better balance

I had similar worries when I was expecting. My work situation was quite different. I was already working flexi hours but now that DD is here it's a constant question mark over how much I can/need to work balanced with the challenge of childcare. I know it's easy for me to say but my only advice would be try, try, try not to worry. My only regret during my pregnancy was spending so much time worrying about the future/changes to come and it was mostly around money. Give yourself 30mins each day to mull it over, ponder solutions, chat it over with your partner then try to put it from your mind and focus on your bubba! I know, easy to say, harder to do. Congratulations on your pregnancy!

Not coping while pregnant is very different to having a baby. I didn't return to full time work until DS was 18 months and that was only because exdp was far too bone idle to go out and get a job and we needed an income. I did some part time self employed work for about 8 months first just so I could so "something". I was so bored!
I would say that you won't know how you feel and you don't need to decide now. You may find the baby gets to six months old, you've got a routine down to a tee and you feel like you want to go back, or you may not. Don't worry about this now. Just concentrate on getting through the next few months.
Congratulations

Re the mortgage issue -

We've just fixed our deal after 2 years for a
5 years deal (still with nationwide, same length mortgage/no change to amount borrowed) and I did it all online with no proof of income needed!

Not sure if it's the same for every bank but literally all we had to do was select a new product.

As someone who struggles through pregnancy in terms of both physical & mental health do not assume you will not get better once baby arrives. It took me a while after 1st & I imagine something similar after DC2 arrives but honestly don't write yourself off.

Re fixed rate - we fixed for 5 years when pregnant with DC1 so technically no dependants & when that is up we will have 2 dependents. My bank told me they are obliged to offer another fixed rate deal when one ends providing amounts same so perhaps your bank has a similar policy.

I think its valid to think about money but you are extremely lucky in that you have family to rely upon for childcare. A FT nursery place is a massive amount to find.

I would maybe try to save now - put a chunk of your salary away and try to live on a 0.8 or 0.6 salary for a couple of months. See how feasible it is.

As for your mortgage, you may find that your LTV drops because you've been paying it off for 2 years and house prices may have gone up. Try not to worry.

But everyone is right. You don't know how you'll feel about work until the baby is here and you've been on maternity leave for a while.

'Ideally I wanted to breastfeed for a full year rather than weening off to go back sooner which is why I've been saving as much as possible while I can.'

I'd say from 10 months you can just feed them when you're around anyway - don't feel the pressure to give up just because you're going back to work - I've worked full time since they were 10/11 months and still fed both DC to 2 years.