Crap with money - anyone else?

[chickenwing]

I need to know it's not just me and dp who live like this, I really hope it isn't as it's getting me down so much every measure I try to get on top of our finances just doesn't work, I feel utterly beat.

He works full time, not a high earner, I've went back to work part time, also not a high earner. We get tax credits and a small bit of maintenance for my eldest ds from previous marriage. We have another 2 of our own.

Outgoings are pretty high, rent and normal bills then we have car and bike finance on top of that plus I pay my mum £200 per month for money that she gave us a loan of a while back.

We try to shop cheaply but realistically, mostly Aldi but we have a dairy intolerant toddler and two in nappies so these are quite high expenses.

We have ZERO savings, not a penny! I've done budgets loads of times, tried having standing orders into savings account - too easily accessible; money hidden in a tin, separate stashes in envelopes for different things; prepaid visa for pocket money so we don't dip into saved money etc but nothing works!!!

It's like, at the back of my mind I know it's there so we over spend so we can use the saved money. Then I feel like shit, having no safety net for anything!

It's as if money haunts me in a way, I feel I need to spend on something to get it away and off my mind, that sounds so fucked up!

I want us to do normal things like save for a deposit to buy a house eventually or go on holiday and we've been engaged for years because we can't even save a pound or two to get married ffs!!!!!!!

I don't know what do

It's a shame that you end up arguments no over money. What has worked for DH and I is to have a joint account for food, bills etc + savings and major expenses (any expense that isn't food or bill must be agreed by both to avoid frittering away). Then we each have 'pocket money' in a separate accounts to spend as we please - no more disagreements.

Need to come back and check the suggestions! I start with enthusiasm but it soon tails off

I can highly recommend Stepchange. Look at their website for budget plans etc, massively helped me sort out an impossible debt situation. Record every penny you BOTH spend over a week / month... It will shock you! Be very aware that you and dp totally have to be on same page with this, my experience of a stbxh is that after 20 years of me trying to sort our finances (outgoing too high, no savings or forward planning) with either no support or interest and sometimes downright deceit from him...we are now separated and for first time I feel totally in control, it's good feeling. Don't be overwhelmed by hopelessness you can turn things around

To help you track where everything is going keep all your receipts or scrutinise your statements. My DH did this and realised in one month he'd spent 250 just on quick trips to tesco for top up bits and (mostly) junk food. That's a horrendous amount on top of our average 80 weekly aldi shop. And basically was money wasted.

For savings accounts I recommend opening an ISA with branch only access (no Internet access) and make sure it's a bank that is in a different town and then set a standing order from your account into it. This way you have to physically go all the way to the bank and if you make sure it's a town 20-30 mins away you are going to be less inclined to do it unless you really need to. TSB is sometimes good for this as they don't have lots of local branches anymore but you'd soon find others to try if you look.

Also for a savings tin go to the poundshop and buy their metal tin with a slot in top. These money boxes are excellent as you have to physically cut into it with a tin opener and then throw tin away and start with a new one. This deters dipping into it. I used to be terrible for saving in a tin, then I adopted this strategy and managed to save £250 when I eventually opened it!