Money problems, don't know what to do!

[desire2017]

So me and my ex decided to get back together as I was struggling at home alone with the kids with my depression and I didnt want my kids coming from a broken home like I was. When we first got together I was a SAHM and him working full time. I didn't like the idea of putting my children in childcare ( nothing wrong with it for the people that do but it's just me as a person because I don't trust people at all and struggle as i have OCD so the thoughts I would have everyday leaving my kids would torment me!) so we decided I would stay at home and bring up our family. He doesn't earn a great deal either so we got child tax and child benefits based on his wage. We did ok then. I can't work around his job as it's shift work and makes things difficult, I also have no family support. So then we split up because of some things he did and I was left with 5 children with no income apart from tax credits and child ben so i claimed income support as have a child under 5 and carried on claiming and just managing by myself. I did look at work and apply for a few jobs but never got anything back probably because my lack of history. Working would be very hard for me as well due to mental health and childcare. Anyway we decided 2 weeks ago to try again, he moved in, I cancelled my housing, council tax and income support benefits and told tax credits who cancelled my claim and stopped all payments and said they will send me a form for a joint claim which will take 2 weeks to arrive! I now have no income apart from child benefit, my partner doesn't get paid until the end of the month now and his last wage went on paying his bills and everything else so he has no money. He also has an overdraft money issue. Tax credits have said it will take 5-6 weeks before payments begin and I've not even received the form yet. I'm in arrears with rent because before we got back together they reduced my housing benefit from £83 a week to £15 a week due to the benefit cap so was struggling to pay this every week out of my child tax as well as council tax and everything else . Now I can't pay any rent. I can't pay my mobile phone bill which I need a phone for kids school to contact me which I will now need to sell my mobile to get money but will still owe contract. It's a mess! I saved £80 of my last tax credit payment to pay rent but I need that for electric and gas now as child benefit doesn't stretch that far!! Anyone got any ideas on what I can do
Just to get through until tax credits has been sorted and until my partner gets paid? Even when he gets paid he has bills and still won't manage properly until tax credits is sorted. I cant get credit cards or loans so that's not an option. I'm stressing out about rent. I don't mind living off beans for a month and I don't care about other bills it's just my rent and council tax I'm stressing about!!

I know you cant go back in time but no unmarried mother should not work.

Being on such low incomes you wiuld have had the majority of childcare paid for you, and had the security of a job.

As it is youve allowed the children to become the reason you are so so dependent on the State, when that was uneccessary.

I would strongly advise you to find some work and maybe a childminder or afterschool club and start earning some money.

Why would you have had 5 children when you can't afford them. What makes you so special that you get to be a SAHP with your costs being paid by people like me who work. Get a job and stop sponging off the rest of us.

I find both of your comments unnecessary. You have no idea what my life is like or anything about me. I ask for advise and I get that! I'm not sponging off you at all. My partner works and yes we were not together for a while but doesnt make me a sponger. You have no idea what it's like to live with OCD and how it affects me on a day to day basis which makes having a job harder. It's people like you are so judgemental toward people with mental health issues. It's not an excuse either. I have an idea, you give me your job and take my mental health issues and I would gladly swap! The reason why I got back with my partner and cancelled all benefits is because of attitudes like yours even when I'm not happy in the relationship I'm in it because I hate the judgement. And what's me having 5 children got to do with it... yes I have 5 children, how I ended up with 5 children is irrelevant and you don't know how or what happened. We have no luxuries and no holiday, just a basic life so it's not as if we are living it up and living the high life.

Oh and I have been looking for work and applied for jobs but if I apply and no one gets back to me what am I supposed to do?

When does your child benefit go into the bank? with 5 kids that will be nearly £75 a week alone. You will need to use this and your dp's wages to pay for basics until the tax credits are sorted out and then no doubt you will get a big lump sum back payment. You need to prioritise the most important bills such as food, council tax and rent. the rest will have to go into arrears until you get the back pay unless family can help to tide you over.

Also if your dp is struggling with overdraft/ debts then please speak to an organisation like CAB or stepchange who can help manage these as it will make life easier for you. Unfortunately when there is a change with tax credits it can take a few weeks to sort especially going from a single to joint payment. Could you think about casual work that could fit around your dp's shifts?

Another thing to consider is that if your mental health issues are so bad that they affect your daily living then you may want to consider applying for a disability benefit such as PIP. It is hard to get it for mental health issues and will involve being assessed but if you have lots of evidence to back up your claim from health professionals/ psychiatrists etc then you may be successful.

And to be honest I would ignore the previous comments, with 5 kids ( depending on their ages and whether they all need childcare) it would hardly be worthwhile you working by the time you have paid childcare then lost tax credits because of your earnings. I have 4 kids and the only way we could make it work financially and not claim any tax credits has been for me to work around my dh for the past 17 years, so I work nights/ weekends and he does days. Obviously if your dp works shifts and you have mh problems this is unlikely to be workable for your family.

This isn't a dig OP but would you be entitled to some firm of PIP if you are unable to work due to your MH? Aside from that could your partner 's employer perhaps give him an advance on his wages to help towards the rent? His other bills will have to wait....

Cross post

Thank you babyroobs for not judging. I applied for a job in greggs a few weeks back but havnt heard nothing and I've applied to Tesco and other places. It never hear back. I had always been practical for me to stay at home, we save on any childcare issues and I wouldn't be worried about my anxiety playing up whilst at work. I had CBT in 2010 for my OCD but relapsed. I don't think I'll ever be rid of OCD. I've had it since childhood and I didn't get help as a child so I'm stuck here with it.
I get my child benefit on a Tuesday and I try and make that stretch as far as possible but doesn't cover everything. It just annoys me when people comment on the fact I have 5 children like only the rich and higher earners are entitled to have children. If living wasn't so expensive and lower income earners had more opportunities to earn higher then maybe I wouldn't need to claim tax credits. I wanted to got back to studying to better my self whilst I was single but I was told there was no help for me due to my age ( I'm 29) and I can't afford to fund it although I wish I could. It's hard for anyone to employ me because of my lack of availability as well. I would be working under pressure with my OCD it's just a mess. Also if anyone wants to know why I had children before establishing a career well I was working at McDonald's whilst at college but my mum wanted £25 for rent a week even though she still claimed child ben for me ( you could claim until chilld was aged 19 back then) I only worked evenings and a wed evening so didn't get a lot. She was very controlling and expected me to come home after college and went mad if o didn't come straight home so getting pregnant was my way out.. sounds sad but it was to get away from home

Thank you afo

I have looked into claiming PIP not sure what I would need to prove it anyone know what I would paperwork evidence I would need to produce?

PIP for MH issues is notoriously hard to get tbh.

Maybe speak to CAB.

PIP for MH issues is getting increasingly hard to claim but if you have evidence from drs/ psychiatrist letters etc it may be worth a try. You could also contact mh charities such as MIND to see if they have advocates who can help with filling in the form or as others have suggested try CAB.

I know this isn't what you asked, but I would think long and bloody hard about getting back together with your ex.

From what you've said, it doesn't sound like a good idea at all.

FWIW, I'm a divorced parent and my child's married home was a hell of a lot broken than her two post divorced homes.

All you're doing (financially) in getting back with your ex is adding his debts to your family financial situation and reducing your benefits.

It sounds like you had good reason to ditch him on previous occasions.

Have you applied back to McD as you have experience there? More chance of fitting it round his shifts, I presume?

I would stay single, claim everything you can that way, make sure you are getting maintenance if appropriate, and find a job even if it is 4 hours a week just so you start to have a recent employment history.

Even if he works variable shifts, he's a father - he needs thas step up. Minimum, he needs to have the kids and never work "x" set hours so that you can work that time to build your employment history.

Ellis I am starting to wonder whether I made the right choice really. Will just have to see how this pans out. I'm just so worried in the mean time.

You really don't have to just see how it pans out, you know!