Unmarried SAHM - why is this financial madness?

[lampfromikea]

I thought I'd ask here, on a appropriate board, so as to get mor impartial responses.

DP and I have been together 10 years, own a house together and have a 10 month DD.
We have legal paperwork covering the house in case relationship breakdown. DPs parents gave us 50% of the value of the house, so iirc the agreement is that DP gets that back and then the rest of the cash value and mortgage is split 50/50 between us if we split up and sell. Or one buys the other out to the value of their stake.

I'm planning on working out my notice period when I return to work in a few months and then taking a year or two out to be a SAHM (no pressure and as a teacher, can always find a job if I need to).
DP and I have no plans to split and do plan to marry, however I know that you can't always predict how it'll turn out.

However, I keep seeing people losing their minds on here about women who stay at home without being married. I just wanted to know why so many see this as being a terrible mistake?
For some reason, my brain just does not compute most things financial (despite being good at maths) so explain to me like you would a small child

OP I think what LALA and Hairy meant was that as an equal partner in your relationship you have a lot of say in when an engagement happens. You've been together for a decade so I assume you've had discussions about marriage in concrete terms, rather than just in an "it would be nice to do it SOMEDAY" way.

Very few proposals nowadays are complete surprises where the woman had no idea it was coming. They might not have known when or how it would happen, but they have discussed engagement with their partner and maybe even picked out a ring.

There's nothing stopping you from saying any of the following:
"I'd love to be married by the time DC is X age. What do you think about that? Are you on the same page?"
"What do you think about a wedding in the summer of 2019?" Then discuss the length of time you need to plan and figure out a timeline.
"I'd love to be engaged by the end of the year. What do you think about picking out a ring together?"

None of these are ultimatums. You're not saying "Propose by X date or I'm leaving". It's just taking an active role in your relationship.

You don't have sit around and wait while he drops hints or alludes to marriage. You can still have a surprise proposal while also having some say in the timeline of your relationship.

Hi I've been a stay at home mum for almost 5 years and until 8 weeks ago wasn't married.(we were together 12 years before we married).
It was my choice to stay at home and give up my career for a while, and although I was aware of the insecurities I had financially not having my own income for my it was worth it to be there every day while my children were small.
I am a bit old fashioned and did wait for the proposal lol, we also had a pretty big wedding which financially has crippled us but it was worth it lol (he may not agree lol).

Only you know your family and your situation. Obviously there's not the protection if you are unmarried and breakup but if marriage is not on the cards right now money isn't everything. The first 5 years of your child's life are the most important. You miss so much having to work, the first words / steps little things they get excited about after nursery / school assembleys and plays etc etc are all priceless. If you want to stay at home with your little one and can financially afford to do so then do it.

Security wise yes it makes sense to be married, but I personally wouldn't not stay at home simply because I wasn't.
If marriage happens and is something you want for more than financial reasons great if it doesn't and you split, well I'm sure you will pick yourself up and figure it out then.

I know I'm going to get attatcked For this post lol and its not that I'm naive I just think staying at home with your little ones if that's what you want to do is the best thing in the world. It's a time you cant get back so is worth the risk 🙈