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Original poster

Saving for sisters wedding

14 replies

Barmymum2112 · 12/12/2016 20:33

This may seem trivial to some, bills are paid, we have clothes and food, broadband, mobile, I smoke.. yes I know I'm the devil but we struggle. My sister has decided to get married in Ibiza next year in a fabulous villa and I'm super happy for her and she so deserves it, problem is we need passports flights and clothes, not only that I got added to the 'hen do group' today which consisted of a message saying the hen do would be over 3 days (how I'm supposed to find childcare I don't know [my sister is the only person I have, she doesn't live near us so I don't get a break, other than work which really isn't a break and I pay £650-£700 a month for the privilege of going to work) and the cost is about £300 each, where am I supposed to find £300 on top of the £1500+ it's going to cost to go to the damn wedding I have no idea where I'm plucking that money or the childcare from! I'm also rather pissed that I've been asking for months what she wanted to do for the hen do! There's no way I could have organised what her friend has but as cheif bridesmaid and her only sister (my mum died so obvs she couldn't have done it) that it would be something that I would do for her! I'm upset that this has all been organised behind my back but not only that her friend knows my situation and hasn't taken that into consideration at all, surely she'll want her sister there?! I can't work any more than I do, which is driving me nuts as it is, I came home and cried at the fact that my daughter may come home with nits because some of the kids at her preschool have them and I can't afford to buy nit lotion or go to the chemist to get it on minor ailments when it's open because I'll be at work and can't afford a day off. I know this is a massive long rant but I'm out of suggestions for myself, even tried selling bloody younique to try and pay for the wedding, I haven't sold anything and have since been told if I do it could effect my tex credits, my works Christmas do is on Saturday luckily my sister and her partner are up this way but even the cost of that is stressing me out I don't get paid til afterwards which is a nightmare but I have about £70 for the night, taxi home will be around £30. I'm just in a jam I suppose, everything is on top of me, please say I'm not on my own

OP posts:
19lottie82 · 12/12/2016 21:28

Hi OP firstly calm down CakeBrew.

You don't have to attend the wedding or the hen party. I understand obviously you would like to do both but from the sound of it, it's not really an option is it?

Do you have a partner, or are you a single parent?

How long is your Sister asking you to go to Ibiza for, for the wedding? Is she expecting your kids (and partner) to go too?

Some people get caught up in the romance of organising a wedding abroad and forget the cost for other people!

You need to have a chat with your sister and tell her how much you're struggling financially.

If you have a partner can they stay at home with the kids while you fly out for 3 days then come home?

I don't think your sister would want you to stress yourself out so much with all the expense. Tell her you can't afford the hen do...... as long as you see her get married then that's he important thing.

In regards to your work night out, is there anyone you can split a taxi with?

specialsubject · 12/12/2016 21:50

If something is non essential and you can't afford it, forget it. So forget the shrieky booze up and the frilly frock party. Speak to your sister so she knows the situation.

If she has an adult attitude she won't mind . if she doesn't then it doesn't matter!

MinesAGin · 12/12/2016 21:53

She has to accept that if she's marrying abroad and having a hen party abroad, some people will not be able to attend.

If you are struggling to the extent you can't afford nit lotion, you can't even consider paying to go abroad. She's very insensitive expecting you to do that.

cozietoesie · 12/12/2016 22:02

Yes. It probably hasn't occurred to her or the others in the whole 'being swept away with it all' thing. Do you have to go at all? Smile

BikeRunSki · 12/12/2016 22:05

Her perogative to get married abroad.
Your prerogative not to go.

cozietoesie · 12/12/2016 22:10

PS - and judging by the experience of others, I suspect you could probably double those estimates. I wouldn't go, personally.

pklme · 13/12/2016 06:57

Cheapest way to get rid of nits is to use cheap own brand conditioner on dry hair, comb with a nit comb wiping the comb on tissue between passes. Do it every four days for about three weeks so no new eggs get laid. If TV is on while you do it, it becomes quite relaxing for the DC.

As for the wedding and hen do, you could join in with part of the hen. You could do the holiday. Don't buy new clothes, present, booze- the essential bit is being there.

Talk to her- maybe she wanted a pissed up weekend with mates, and doesn't need you to be there. In my day, family didn't go to hen nights, so it allowed the bride to behave disgracefully without feeling watched! I was a bit taken aback when my mum and me were invited to my nieces...

pklme · 13/12/2016 06:59

And consider not going to the wedding. You can be delighted about it without needing to see it. Does the idea take a bit of the weight off?

Ask DSis if she'd consider postponing a year so you can save for it?

PoldarksBreeches · 13/12/2016 06:59

Don't go to the xmas do if it is stressing you out, or drive to save money on booze and taxis if you feel you have to go.
If your budget doesn't stretch to £1500 for a holiday then it doesn't. She'll have to understand.

PragmaticWench · 14/12/2016 09:01

The most important factors here are to be honest and talk openly with your sister, and to not get into expensive debt for her choices.

So, maybe forget the hen party and focus on whether you could afford the wedding if you had a saving plan?

I completely understand why you're feeling upset about being left out of the planning though, that was thoughtless of your sister.

KnowOneNose · 14/12/2016 10:22

You really don't have to go to the wedding or the hen party or the xmas do.

If you can't afford it then you can't afford it can you?

Magstermay · 14/12/2016 12:47

If you can't afford to go then talk to your sister - anyone getting married abroad should IMO expect that some people can't go. Could you go for a day of the hen rather than the whole thing? I can understand you being upset about the hen particularly.

What I am struggling with is how you can spend £70 on a night out but not afford not lotion? Drive instead of spending £30 on a taxi!

Magstermay · 14/12/2016 12:48

*nit lotion, not not lotion!!

SnowyWhiteChristmas · 14/12/2016 19:36

Drive instead of spending £30 on a taxi!

because everyone owns a car!

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