Writing a will when your partner isn't your child's father

[musingsofawannabemumpreneur]

Hello, I've recently turned my thoughts to writing my will as I don't have one in place at the moment. I live with my boyfriend in a ( mortgaged) house which I bought before we were together, and my DS age 9 from a previous relationship. I was just wondering how people write their wills in such a situation. I wouldn't want my DB to be left suddenly homeless in the event of my death, but equally would want my son to receive my house eventually. I'm thinking of a licence to allow my boyfriend to live in the house until my DS reaches 21 years old, with the house then becoming my son's to do with as he pleases. Does that sound reasonable?

I'm also wondering about the cash sum which would be payable - I would want this to be used towards raising my son, but no way on earth would I trust ex-DP (DS's dad) with the money. Does anyone know of alternatives which exist?

I'm interested to know how other people living in step/non-biological families have handled their wills.

Thanks for any advice that anyone can give.

You want Mumblechum - she has an advert in Small Business under Marlow Wills, and does a very good value will writing service and has a wealth of experience in advising on these things

I would appoint trustees to hold everything for your son, but if you're certain you would want to give your partner a right to stay in the house I would make sure it's a limited right, so he can stay for 6 months until he finds a house, or he can stay until he starts a new relationship or gets married etc, assuming you wouldn't just want him and his new partner (if that happened) to live in your sons house preventing him from selling if he needed to? I'd speak to a lawyer and get proper advice since they'll be able to throw up scenarios you may not have considered

Thank you. As things stand, in the event of my death then my understanding is that my son would have to go and live with his bio father, as he has PR and my current partner does not. I understand that if we were married, then DB could apply to have DS to remain living with him, which ideally we would both want and I think DS would also prefer this, although I'm not sure. Ex and I have very differing views about what constitutes good parenting!

Twogunslingers, that's a good point. Perhaps a more limited right to remain in the house would be appropriate, until the point we marry and I would need to then write a new will. That then throws up the question of how to split things if I died after we married! Gosh this seems a can of worms I've opened!

Watching with interest-I am in exactly the same position!

My DH has put in the will a proportion of the house to me and a proportion to his kids so that I don't lose my home and can - in theory - buy them out. I have 2 years to buy them out or sell. They are grown up now.

We thought about a trust but we didn't want to tie it up like that. This way his kids get cash within 2 years from the sale of the house.

I have a DS from a former relationship but I have remarried and Dh and I have wills leaving everything to each other, apart from some personal possessions. We own our house as joint tenants (although DH put in the majority of the finance) so it passes to the other anyway on death. But our setup is a bit more like a traditional setup anyway as my ex isn't involved and doesn't have PR, and DH and DS would want to continue to live together if I died.

Interesting thread, I'm in a similarly situation re. who would look after my DC's money. I wouldn't want it to be DC's dad, and I have no family to ask. DP and I haven't been together for long enough that I'd want him to do it either, for now at least.

Thanks for the recommendation CMotDibbler, tho' I'm not running an advert at the moment as it's getting a bit too close to Christmas

OP (and other PPs in siilar positions), my advice is:

If it's a long term relationship, and particularly where you have children together with the current partner as well as from an earlier relationship, you should consider making Life Interest in Possession Trusts. That means that you give your property in trust to your children but on the basis that your partner/spouse can live in it undisturbed until they die or remarry. During the trust period they can if they wish move to another property, and the trust then applies to the new property.

For a shorter term relationship or where you don't have joint children, a right to reside may be better. That can be for a fixed period of two or 5 years or so, or linked to the children's ages, eg the right to reside ends when the youngest child is 21.

So far as cash assets are concerned, these will normally form part of the residuary estate and can either be paid to the partner/spouse, or again kept in a trust fund. That decision will of course depend on the needs of the surviving spouse/partner and the ages of children, as it may be impossible, practically, to ring fence those assets if that leaves a surviving partner/spouse unable to manage.

So in the OP's case, I'd recommend, at this point, a Right to Reside, and to appoint two trustees to administer the child's money on their behalf. Assuming that your child would go to live with his/her dad, then money could be released from the trust fund to help towards the child's maintenance, education etc but he wouldn't be given a blank cheque to blow as he pleased.

If you'd like any further info, feel free to post again or PM me.