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Original poster

Wwyd? Only one child has an inheritance

42 replies

jonnyc · 13/10/2016 07:13

My mother in law recently passed away and has stated in her will that one of our children will inherit an amount, but not the others, (they are from a previous relationship).
Wwyd? We already save for all of our children, so would you try to save more for the others or just the same for them all. I don't know how to deal with it.

OP posts:

Floggingmolly · 15/10/2016 14:57

She may well have done in life, Seven . Writing them into your will is a different matter altogether.

OhTheRoses · 15/10/2016 14:58

I don't see the issue. If DS married a woman who already had children and did not adopt them legally, they would not be my grandchildren and would not have any reasonable expectation of inheriting as much from me as my grandchildren.

OurBlanche · 15/10/2016 15:02

Well, you can take this one of three ways:

You can accept that this is what it it, a grandmother leaving her money to her blood relatives, as is her right. Your kids will learn that life isn't always equitable, 1 of them had a GM who left them some money, the others didn't. If you do that right all of them will be able to process it and will be happy with it.

Or you can take the law into your own hands and insist that this one child splits the cash, gives away the greater part of its inheritance in order to meet your idea of 'fair'. Then you will have a majority of happy kids and possibly one who resents you and their half siblings! Making that distinction nice and clear, mummy had favourites and would rather take from one than teach them all the realities of life!

Or you can stop putting your own money aside for that one child, after all grandma has seen them right... probably with much the same result.

And, don't forget, your current DH will also resent you for the last 2 options!

I would let it be what it is and bring them all up knowing that their lives are what they are. That they are not defined by cash and that you love them all equally!

80sMum · 15/10/2016 15:03

I would advise you to treat all of your children equally, OP. One of them is lucky enough to have had a wealthy grandmother, 2 of them are not so lucky. That's life, I'm afraid.

I think if you don't treat your 3 equally it might be misinterpreted in the future and could cause problems.

pinkyredrose · 15/10/2016 15:08

If that's the way your MIL wished to distribute her money after her death then you really should respect that. It was her money and her decision, in the same way that you can decide what happens to your money after you die.

SleepFreeZone · 15/10/2016 15:08

To my mind the most important thing is that the children feel they are on an equal footing when they are old enough to appreciate any financial legacy. This is the best scenario to make sure their relationships with each other are not soured. So I would save for the other children and give them all an amount of money when it comes to uni/flat deposit.

If the child with the inheritance ends up with the most then it's fair at that point to say that that money was left to them and so it was out of your hands.

mouldycheesefan · 15/10/2016 15:11

I would do nothing. The children should get the same from you their mother even if they have different grandparents so inherit differently.

PotteringAlong · 15/10/2016 15:13

You cannot stop saving for one child because they've inherited money from their grandma; you just can't.

sparechange · 15/10/2016 15:20

I would aim for them all to have a roughly similar pot of money for when they all reach adulthood. And as you can't override the wishes of the will, you'll have to even it out with the savings.

They don't need to know the details, other than 'this is your money which is a combination of savings, inheritances and gifts. Use it sensibly'
The proportions of the various deposits aren't relevant, but it is fair for them all to have a roughly similar starting point for adulthood

museumum · 15/10/2016 15:26

Most of our savings are in our name and we will gift amounts to children as to their needs fairly but not identically.
I went to uni but my brother didn't and got a good job - my parents did not give him £9k a year while I studied and nor did he expect it.
My parents have never given me anything towards housing - I bought and sold and met dh and have a nice enough house.
My brother rents and moves about through choice but if he wanted to settle down I'd have no issue with my parents helping him.
I don't think that each child should always get the same at the same time.

Original poster

jonnyc · 15/10/2016 18:25

I've never had any intention of making our child who has an inheritance share, or withholding it from them. We are unsure whether to continue saving the same amount for each of them, or whether to even it up.
Unfortunately a relative has told our child about the inheritance, we would have not told them until they were all adults and so emotionally able to manage it better.
I think we shall continue to save equally for all of them.

OP posts:

OurBlanche · 15/10/2016 18:30

I am sorry, jonny my list seems of possibilities seems to have suggested that you had said you were going to do any one of them!

I think though, you are right, relative should have kept out of it, that's not a good thing to do. But now they know, you can just sort of accept it, matter of factly, should the DC ever mention it.

And, as you might guess, I also think you are right in being even handed - though you should reserve the right to give more/less according to an unusual need, once you get there/then

sycamore54321 · 20/10/2016 13:43

You should carry on as you were saving equally. Otherwise the inheritance of one child is effectively being used to subsidise a savings pot for the others. That should not be your call to make. It's not your money.

Disclaimer - I have no experience of blended families but my instinct would be to leave the chips to fall where they land. you can't make external things equal.

NCNumpty · 20/10/2016 14:09

Get this. I reckon I can trump your GC - related unfairness.

My PIL are fairly well off. When DS1(favourite GC) started uni 2 years ago he was given £10 000 to help out through the 4 years. Absolutely lovely gesture, as we all know how much debt students graduate with these days.

Last month DS2 (not favourite GC) started uni - a longer course with many associated costs going forward. He was given £30.

All equally related, btw.

Original poster

jonnyc · 20/10/2016 20:56

NCNumpty, sometimes you wonder if people are aware how their actions may make others feel? I understand that it's that persons money and so their decision to do with as they please, but people do get upset.

OP posts:

alltouchedout · 20/10/2016 20:58

I'd try and even it up.

flirtygirl · 24/10/2016 11:05

Id even it up, and just say at 18 or 21 that this is your saving and inheritances etc. I wouldnt over explain it but i would be as fair as possible to all kids.

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