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Original poster

Maintenance - tricky one

29 replies

Temporaryanonymity · 01/09/2016 21:12

My exH was involved in an accident some months ago and has experienced serious injuries. Up until now he has contributed regularly to the upbringing of our children.

Understandably, without an income (he says he is now on SSP only) he cannot afford to continue our payments and he has been unclear about what contribution he is going to make.

I feel desperately sorry for him but equally I feel very strongly he should continue to contribute something.

I don't actually know what to do. He has assured me that money has been transferred (I have not received it) but I don't want to cause him any additional stress. However I do have bills to pay and our DCs are not getting any cheaper.

They are with me 100% of the time.

Any ideas about how I might approach this will be gratefully received.

OP posts:
19lottie82 · 02/09/2016 00:16

I understand your frustration, but if he doesn't have any money, and is on benefits, then he obviously can't afford to pay, so why are you chasing him?

You say he was in an accident and was seriously injured. From the sounds of it he would provide for his children if he could, but now he's not in a position to.

greenfolder · 02/09/2016 00:26

Will he get any compensation? If so can you agree that he will pay you back or ask for an interim payment from the insurers to pay your maintenance? If no compensation he cannot give what he doesn't have.

Original poster
Temporaryanonymity · 02/09/2016 07:43

He has been vague about the insurance claim...

OP posts:
CRazzyyAce · 02/09/2016 07:49

I think your being abit heartless, he has always paid towards the kids but unfortunately he has suffered a serious accident and you still want something, sick pay is not alot to live on I'm sure he's already struggling as it is. People lose jobs all the time my ex has before unfortunately I didn't get any maintanence although he did give me a lower amount to help I didn't expect it. It's hard enough to try run a house in such circumstances that I rather he kept his house for somewhere for DS to go to.

friendlyfoxes · 02/09/2016 07:55

I do know what you mean insofar as if you had been in an accident and on SSP you'd still need to provide for the children but if this happened the state would provide additional benefits which obviously as the non-resident parent he's not entitled to

Fingers crossed for a quick recovery.

Original poster
Temporaryanonymity · 02/09/2016 09:35

No, not being heartless at all. I have two small children to think about. That's why I am asking for advice; I have to put their needs on the table for discussion.

OP posts:
JenLindleyShitMom · 02/09/2016 09:40

OP I don't think you are being heartless at all. If you were together and he had an accident that SSP would form part of them family's income and your DC would get some of it spent on them. Of course it would be a lot less than if he was working. In your shoes I would speak to CMS and see what they say. They will have come across this situation before. Even if it's only £5 per week they are still entitled to it. Let CMS engage with him and he can provide whatever Information he has regarding insurance etc to them.

Original poster
Temporaryanonymity · 02/09/2016 09:57

Thank you. It's an awful situation for all involved. He's still the father of my children so of course I still have feelings for him and my children are obviously desperately sad.

OP posts:
CRazzyyAce · 02/09/2016 10:25

Yes if they lived together but they don't. I'm assuming he has to maintain a roof over his head, SSP is nothing compared to a full time wage. I'm guessing he takes them for contact so ideally it's best he keeps his home. The fact of the matter is some women struggle to get maintanence for years but this incident has happened is out of your ex's control, it hasn't been done out of spite.l and prior to the accident he has always paid you.

JenLindleyShitMom · 02/09/2016 12:34

Yes they don't live together but his children still exist. They still need to eat and wash and have heating and clothes. When tax credits ballsed up my payments I had nothing for 6 weeks. Did I just decide not to feed the DC as technically my income support was just for me? No I had to make it stretch. I had to sell anything that would fetch some money so we could eat and have hot water. Shit happens, but that doesn't absolve you of the responsibility you have for your children.

MindSweeper · 02/09/2016 12:38

Yes but SSP isn't enough for a single adult to live off never mind fund 2 children too. He hasn't got any money, there's nothing to chase, it's very very unfortunate and must be awful for OP but that's just the way it is and until he recovers, gets a job, or gets a claim she is going to have to do without.

He can;t magic it up no matter how much op 'strongly believes he should continue to contribute something'.

MindSweeper · 02/09/2016 12:39

I don't know what you want from him to be honest OP. It's awful for you but it just can't be helped.

Babyroobs · 02/09/2016 12:45

SSP is a pitance and the most you would get if you pursue it is £5 a week. If he hasn't got a wage coming in and is on benefits then you can't have maintainence,, I'm not sure what you expect him to do? Presumably you are claiming child tax creidts and any other benefits you are entitled to to ensure your kids have what they need?

JenLindleyShitMom · 02/09/2016 12:54

Yes but SSP isn't enough for a single adult to live off never mind fund 2 children too.

Neither is income support but I had to make it work!

JenLindleyShitMom · 02/09/2016 13:00

Claim the £5 OP. Your DC are entitled to it.

greenfolder · 02/09/2016 13:39

If the accident was not his fault and he has someone to sue I would strongly suggest you continue to keep lines of communication open. He will at a point get his lost wages back and may be in a position to back pay. I think if you can you should explore that with him and see how the land lies. If he is unable to return to work full stop ( really hope that's not the case) he would get a lump sum for future loss of earnings. It may be hard for you to get some of this so if you are able to be amicable do.

Original poster
Temporaryanonymity · 02/09/2016 20:25

I'm just so exhausted after sole care of these children for nearly 5 years. I can't withdraw financial or emotional support. This situation predates the accident. I guess I am just very frustrated too. I'm stuck in a full time job I hate simply because I can manage it around my children. It's definitely not the job or career level I'd be at if I didn't have sole care. I shall vent here and smile at the outside world (and my ex's family)

OP posts:
JenLindleyShitMom · 02/09/2016 20:27

If he can't provide anything to support them financially is he able to provide childcare? Or to cook meals?

Original poster
Temporaryanonymity · 02/09/2016 20:59

That didn't happen prior to the accident.

OP posts:
JenLindleyShitMom · 02/09/2016 21:24

Well is it possible? If he has a shred of decency he will want to be doing something for them, even if it's just cook them dinner on a Saturday evening while you have a long bath in peace. If he can do childcare/cook then he should in lieu of financial support.

Original poster
Temporaryanonymity · 02/09/2016 21:49

It isn't possible at the moment. I'm really struggling with it all because it's been months now and there is little communication unless I push for it.

OP posts:
Cabrinha · 02/09/2016 22:13

Not sure why people are so sympathetic towards this guy!
He hasn't bothered caring for his children at all for 5 years - OP has them 100%.
And he's being "vague" about his insurance claim.
Damn right I'd want the minimum CMS amount from him, even if that was a quid a week.
He's done very well at dodgy his responsibilities for the last 5 years - why let him continue now?
Perhaps he'd be more focused on being less vague about the insurance claim?

I take this back if his lack of physical presence has a good reason.

Original poster
Temporaryanonymity · 02/09/2016 22:20

Thank you. I've actually cried a bit at this.

He's gone on to meet someone else and have children. I've no time, money or energy to date. My poor children feel like they've been replaced.

OP posts:
Cabrinha · 02/09/2016 22:44

Then he sounds like a total asehole Angry

I don't know if CMS would award anything, but I've often seen people say that JSA = £5pw so perhaps SSP would too.

I expect you wouldn't be entitled to anything retrospective because of the insurance though - I think CMS is based on current salary alone. Call them and ask.

Don't waste your time feeling sympathetic about his injuries. Sure, you're not a nasty bit of work wishing them on anyone - but I don't see why you should worry about sympathising. He's not on his own, he has the mother of his second set of kids to support him.

Speak to CMS, make sure you're claim is correct however small it is.

What a disgrace he is Angry

If you were still together you'd face a big reduction - but still get something. That's exactly as it should be now.

CRazzyyAce · 03/09/2016 05:48

But you said in your op he regularly contributed before the accident op so your last post doesn't make sense. You said accident was serious is he unable to collect the DC?