My feed

to access all these features

Find financial and money saving discussions including debt and pension chat on our Money forum.

Money matters

appointment with solicitor tomorrow... advice greatly appreciated

9 replies

juicychops · 28/01/2007 13:23

my ds's dad hasn't seen him nearly a year but his dad's mum (ds's nan) was having him overnight every other saturday.

Before xmas some things between me and ds's dad came to a head and his nan claiming i was a 'sick liar' never turned up to have ds on the saturday before xmas as arranged. She didn't even tell me she wasn't gunna come.

She turnt up xmas eve, literally chucked ds's presents in the front door then drove off with not even a cuddle or kiss for ds who was in tears after she left (ds was just nearly 2 at the time- 2 in Jan)

She sent him a card for his birthday but no presents and other than that i haven't heard a thing from her. It seems as though she has cut herself out of ds's life just because she hates me.

Anyway, seeing my solicitor tomorrow to discuss this with her. I couldn't care less if the nan was in my ds's life or not as he is clearly better off without her. But i feel i have to been seen to be trying to do something about it so that when ds is older he knows it was not my doing. They had a really good relationship before this happened.

Any advice or suggestions of how i should maybe take things from here? I know my solicitor will prob suggest options, but it would be nice to hear what you lot think

OP posts:
Freckle · 28/01/2007 13:27

Strikes me that your ds' nan is cutting off her nose to spite her face. Makes you wonder what your ex has told her.

I'm not sure why you are seeing a solicitor about this. There is no legal remedy to force a grandparent to have contact with their grandchild.

You could try writing to his nan and saying that you are puzzled by her absence and how much ds is missing her. Ask her to contact you so that any misunderstandings can be cleared up.

juicychops · 28/01/2007 13:42

It started because i reported rape and domestic abuse that happened during the time me and ds's dad were together. But i wanted to wait until it was clear he didn't want to see ds anymore as i wouldn't of reported it if he was. But the nan doesn't believe any of what i reported, even though i told her bits as and when they had happened.

Im doing this through the solicitor as her contact arrangements were made through my solicitor. Communication hasn't been good since ds's dad stopped seeing ds as she blamed me for stopping him seeing ds. Even though my solicitor sent him about 15 letters asking him to make contact arrangments. He lives 5 mins up the sodding road!! the lot of them are pathetic

OP posts:
essbee · 28/01/2007 14:02

Message withdrawn

juicychops · 28/01/2007 14:10

We were never married, he left just over a year ago. i got a solicitor involved last march as it took him from the time he left in december to march to see finally see him. We made arrangements between ourselves but he messed me about and kept cancelling to spend time with his girlfriend and to 'have a life' (his actual words). So i got the solicitor so contact arrangements were oficial and recorded and so it was recognised when he pissed me about and didn't bother sticking to it. In the end he saw ds twice in March and that was the last time. I still continued to get my solicitor to write him letters to get in contact with her about contact so that when ds is old enough to understand, i can show him these letters and prove to him how hard i tried for his dad to have a relationship with him. The same with his nan i suppose

OP posts:
essbee · 28/01/2007 14:15

Message withdrawn

bonkerz · 28/01/2007 14:16

I was in same situation with DS dad. He chucked us out and eventually stopped coming to see DS when DS was 8 months old. Then we went through periods of him seeing DS then nothing for months. We attended mediation and eventually he decided he wanted nothing to do with DS BUT his mother did have access once a week. Eventually though it proved too hard to keep up contact with Granny and we cut all ties.
Dont feel guilty about cutting ties, i also have letters from solicitoras to show DS when he is older but im confident that my son is not missing out on anything and when the time is right i will explain a diluted version of what happened.

juicychops · 28/01/2007 14:24

I dont think ds is missing out on anything either. It is sad and i feel sad for him sometimes, but he is so much better off without awful people like these in his life.

The only thing that bothers me is if any of them make contact years down the line. I would want to tell them to f**k the hell off, but by then ds will be old enough to understand a bit and it will seem like i am stopping them seeing him then

OP posts:
bonkerz · 28/01/2007 22:20

juicy, i worry about this too but to be honest thats a bridge to cross when you get to it.
My DS is 6 now and has a new daddy and a new family who love him like there own. From the beginning though it has been agreed we will always be totally honest with DS and when he asks the questions we will answer truthfully and then it will be his decision what to do with the info.
Unfortunately it will always be hard and DS will probably want to find out about THAT side of his family BUT I dont see much point in worrying about something now. My main aim is to love my DS so he doesnt miss out on anything and just be with him.

skiwear · 29/01/2007 00:58

Sorry nothing constructive to add! Just wanted to say how sad for you both and good luck tomorrow. Hope you come at an amicable arrangement

Please create an account

To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.