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being in a relationship with someone not money savvy

29 replies

spottytable · 24/05/2016 07:35

I am good with money, always have been. I don't earn a massive salary but am extremely good with what I have, budgeting and saving - and planning for the future.

I have been with OH for a year and we are planning to move in together.

He, on the other hand, is not that great with money. He doesn't live beyond his means, owe money on credit cards, but lives very much in the now. Has nothing saved and manages to spend all his salary each month.

I've noticed that he has a very generous approach to money and sees no harm in getting lots of rounds in, spoiling his kids rotten, buying stuff he just doesn't need. Generally doesn't think before he buys. Doesn't think of the future or pay anything in to a pension for example.

He is currently living rent free and has the potential to save a decent amount each month, but is some how still left with nothing?

We are planning to move in together and I feel that we need to have a frank conversation about the above. I've helped friends get finances in to order and I'd love to help him and perhaps help go through bank statements and highlight things he could do to change his attitude to money, but I don't want to be controlling of him because I'm not that kind of person. However at the same time, I don't want to live with someone who has such a different approach to spending/saving as myself.

OP posts:
Oly5 · 24/05/2016 21:46

I'm like your DH. Spend all my salary, live for now, like going out, clothes, holidays etc. Met my OH who is good with money.... Our relationship is anything but a disaster.
He is not at all controlling. He's a high earner and takes the view that as long as we have enough for a home, some modest savings etc then I can spend what I like. Yes I'm lucky but the point I'm making is is that this doesn't have to be a dealbreaker unless you want it to be.
Me and my OH couldn't be more different about money but he's generally fairly relaxed about what I do.
We have a fab relationship and have so many other shared goals. It all works.
It's up to you whether this is an issue you can live with or not. If not, don't try to change him constantly and control the heck out of him.
Just accept you're different and move on

TerriblePlanning · 24/05/2016 21:51

It's okay to have different views about money but the main point is to be very clear on expectations on would happen when you start living together. Dont' move in together until it is absolutely crystal clear what each of you will contribute, what will happen in emergencies, sickness etc and, children, both his and if you plan to have some together. There are so many threads where it all goes horribly wrong once DC come along because finance was not discussed before hand. So I suggest that you and your DP have a full and frank discussion about the money side of things before you move in together and then keep on talking and then talk some more. Make sure you BOTH understand what it is going to look like financially.

And yes AnotherEmma who said If he is paying rent for a property you own, he will need to sign a legal agreement confirming he has no interest in the property. Absolutely.

PersonalSpace · 24/05/2016 21:54

In a similar situation to you. From what I've seen I haven't been able to change DP as he doesn't think his attitude is "wrong", he enjoys spending and doesn't worry about money and security the way I do. I've had to embrace his attitude and celebrate his generosity but we come from very different schools of thought with money. It's a source of stress but not enough to make me question anything. I would prefer us to save more but I turn into a nag talking about it all the time.

Think long and hard about how important this is to you and whether you think you can have a successful relationship if nothing changes. Would separate finances work? Good luck.

BedmonsterSlayer · 26/05/2016 16:25

I think the other thing to consider is that given that he isn't running up debts then maybe he is spending because he can and if he did need to pay rent he would change when needed. For example I spend and save very differently now that I'm married with children than before ( I'm aware he already has kids). When I got married and needed to make joint commitments I adjusted behaviour but I see nothing wrong with enjoying your money while it's not needed for other things.

Clearly if it is needed for other things that changes but at the mo it sounds like he is breaking even and enjoying it.

Also saving is great but I doubt anyone lies on their death bed and thinks " I wish I'd been less generous to friends and family and some less". You can't take money with you when you end your mortal days and go to fight dragons in the sky ( well at least that's how I'm hoping my afterlife goes).

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