Guardians for ds

[boo64]

Not sure whether this is the right place for this.

Our ds is 18 months and we are still stuck on who his guardians should be if we both die. Hopefully unlikely but got to sort this out just in case.

There is someone named in the will but not sure if they are right.

There are two choices really:

Couple no 1 - dh's brother and his wife. He is a great guy although quite different to us but she isn't close to us and we are concerned that she wouldn't take on ds as her own.
She can be quite negative and resentful and I worry she will resent ds.
Her family totally dominate their lives and I wonder whether mine would get a look in never mind dh's. They live about 10 mins away from us so our families would all be within an hour or so (cousins, aunts uncles etc)

couple no 2 - a very close friend of mine and dh's. A wonderful person as is her dp and dh and I both think they are the right people BUT they live 2 hours away from London at the moment.
DH is concerned this means it would be hard for ds to keep in touch with our families.

Anyone got any thoughts on which way to go?

Personally-number 2- a lifeltime of happiness is the most important thing.
Your family can always travel.

I would go for 2

Bear in mind that what you put in the will isn't legally binding

go with the better people.

if your families themselves are that bothered at the time, would they make the effort to see him>?

if your thinking 'prolly not, too busy, etcetc'

then are they really worth it by virtue of being labled with the term 'family'

I'm presuming from this that your son doesn't have any godparents? If it was my son, then i would need to know that if anything was to happen to me,that he would be happy and loved. I think the second choice is the right one!
xx

The second pair, you'll feel much happier and your family will travel. You've reminded me that we need to make this decision soon too.

godparents look after the spirit of the person - not the person.

How much weight would the parents' preferences carry legally in the event of both dying, does anyone know?

I would go for 2 as well.

We have named ds's wonderful godparents, as my family are out of the question and although we get on fine, we wouldn't be happy with ds going to dh's brother and SIL.

That's quite alarming about it not being legally binding.

He does have godmothers but to us they more like special aunties (we aren't religious) and we don't think that role is the same as being his guardian.

I'm pretty sure it wouldn't count for anything in the courts to be a godparent.

It is indeed alarming that others can contest the deceased parents' wishes isn't it.

Dh and I have been struggling with this since before ds was even born so probably heading for 2 years. The problem is there is no right answer as no one would be us.
And dh and I can't quite agree as he is more concerned about ds being 2 hours away from everyone than I am and also isn't as negative about SIL. Oh gosh this is tricky!!

Hmmm, I think I'd go for couple 1, the uncle, blood is thicker and all that...

and couple 2 aren't married, circumstances change...

just IMHO.

We had a real struggle with this. Dh's family are all in Malaysia and mine are in Ireland. In the end we chose dh's brother and SIL as my brother is single and my parents are probably a bit too old. But I know it would be heartbreaking for my family if ds had to move so far away.

When ds is a bit older we will be living in Ireland so we might change our wills to make my brother guardian so that ds wouldn't have to change schools and leave his friends. I'm not what at what age it will be better for him to stay in the same environment but not have a mother-figure instead of moving to a new country but having two experienced parents.

I agree that at some stage their needs will change and it is going to get way more important for them to stay in the same area and have stability in other parts of their life like school.

It is driving me mad trying to work out what to do for the best!