I am 37 and married with 2 DC (5 and 2). My parents (but mostly my DF) are hopeless with money and live on credit. They have no assets or savings and live in rented property. They did own a house but about 15 years ago my DM discovered that DF had remortgaged the house (in joint names but he forged her signature) so when it was sold they were left with nothing.
DF was made redundant about 15 years ago and started his own business, ran up debts of £100k (plus other money he'd borrowed from family) and then went bankrupt about 8 years ago. When his mum died 3 years ago he inherited about £30k. After paying off debts he was left with about 15K. It has all gone now (a couple of holidays and lots of "stuff" bought such as electronic gadgets and non-essential household items).
My mum is now seriously ill having suffered two stokes (unexpectedly, she is only 62 and was in fine health) so is currently in hospital and is very dependent,. She is due to be discharged from hospital in about a month, their current rented house is unsuitable as it is a small cottage with no downstairs loo and a narrow, winding staircase. Their income consists of a tiny company pension (DF), housing benefit, pension credits and DLA/carer's allowance. They need to move house and because DF likely has a dreadful credit rating and a low income they may be refused unless they pay 6 months rent upfront. My dad asked if I would lend them that money and I said no.
I feel terrible but it's no exaggeration to say that DF has never repaid any money he has borrowed, ever. My uncle (DF's brother) lent them 6 months rent upfront a few years ago for another property and only ever got 1 monthly payment back (in addition to other money he lent which he never received). I have lent money back when I was at uni (my student loan!) and never got it back. DF has no problem buying "stuff" on credit and as soon as he has cash in his pocket he spends it. He got £2500 for some work he did a few months ago and bought a boat. No kidding.
They used some of their savings (inheritance) to pay 6 months upfront on the house they're in now, but instead of putting the monthly rent back into savings for the next 6 months they spent it and now have no savings! Over the past few years he has bought things on a whim like old classic cars, a tandem and other things he fancies, they sit around never used and then he sells them at a loss a few months/years later.
I feel so cross about the childish attitude to money (especially other people's) and I know I've done the right thing (head over heart) but they do need to move and I'm worried he might get a payday loan or something. I know he has applied for finance in my brother's name before (possibly with his permission, I'm not sure) and has used my Gran (his MIL)'s debit card to buy stuff and pay for car repairs (she has dementia).
I have suggested he sells the boat and one car (they have two and my mum won't be driving again) and raises the money that way. He's not keen - thinks mum deserves to have something nice like a boat with all she's been through (at the moment, she can't walk, speak or swallow) and he rather likes his Mercedes! I drive a battered ancient car with 150K miles on the clock, an oil leak and peeling paint. But when asking for the money he said "we know you can afford it". I work full time for a good salary but we have a childcare bill of £1300/month and are madly overpaying our mortgage to get security for our children's future. Our clothes and books come from Oxfam or Ebay and we certainly don't go on fancy holidays - DH hasn't been on a plane for 7 years and the children never have!
I was thinking of saying I'd lend him the money on the condition he lets me see his credit report and we both meet with an IFA to go through his finances and get him on a budget where he can clear his debts (overdraft, catalogue, credit card I think but I'm not sure exactly what) and where his outgoings match his income. Is that a stupid idea? I should run a mile but I live in hope he can sort this out and I would love to be able to help.
Massive post, sorry, but I think you need all the details (and I've still probably missed some out!)