Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Money matters

Find financial and money-saving discussions including debt and pension chat on our Money forum. If you're looking for ways to make your money to go further, sign up to our Moneysaver emails here.

Flip

Original poster

Child maintenance payments. Am I being nasty?

12 replies

Mammyem12 · 18/01/2016 14:48

I've just rescnrtly moved to a total different area about a 20 minute drive with my little girl who's 4 and when I rang up to make a claim for income support as I've had to leave my job, they offered me help with child maintenance payments. The problem is my daughters dad hasn't played any money towards her up bringing or bought her any clothes uniforms in the whole 3 year we've been split up. I've asked him numerous times just for daft little bits to help me out eg. A new school cardigan or pair of shoes. He refuses and says he doesn't have to pay anything towards her as I get child tax credits and child benefit. He also makes me pay ten pound petrol for him picking and dropping our daughter off. He has the little one for one weekend every three weeks. His whole family seem to think I'm Being unreasonable for asking him for help. Am I in the wrong or should I go ahead and take the help to get child maintenance?

OP posts:

alltouchedout · 18/01/2016 14:50

Take the help. Your dd is entitled to support from her father. Child benefit and tax credits are not there to absolve him of his responsibilities!

PurpleWithRed · 18/01/2016 14:51

Good grief - go ahead and get maintenance! And stop giving him petrol money!! He clearly accepts she's his child, and he should be paying maintenance - something like 20% of his net income.

starry0ne · 18/01/2016 14:54

Of course YANBU....Put a claim in today...It won't be backdated

madmotherof2 · 18/01/2016 14:55

Cheeky sod!!

Please make sure you take up the offer of help with claiming! Wipe that smug look of his face.

My Ex was much the same, I was a soft touch and allowed him to get away with pleading poverty ( whilst driving around in a merc with a personalised number plate!) . I finally arranged CM last summer ( DS is 12!) and I love the fact he now can't try it on!

Good luck!

Akire · 18/01/2016 15:02

So your on a very low income just income support and tax credits while he works but he can't afford the £10 in petrol to pick her up one weekend in 3?!! Even if he did live miles and miles away that's money directly out of your budget.

Go down the child maintence route why should you struggle? Don't know why family and friends would stick up for him even if he's on JSA he have to pay a token amount of £5 week and your giving him back £10 every 3 weeks as it is!

The 4y old might not notice it now but when she's older she will want and need more things why she can afford X y z that she says he father having in his house.

Original poster

Mammyem12 · 18/01/2016 15:49

Thanks so much for the advice I'm waiting for a phone call about it and in deffinately going to go for it. I have never really struggled without the support but now going from a full time job to none at all its going to be a big help. And im also going to stop the petrol, I shouldn't have to pay him to see his daughter especially when he is turning up in new cars every few month! X

OP posts:

Babyroobs · 18/01/2016 17:31

No of course you are not being nasty. Your dd has two parents and both should be supporting her where possible. He is an idiot if he thinks he doesn't need to support her because the state are through tax credits etc. Start proceedings asap.

Akire · 18/01/2016 17:47

When you were working and getting small top up tax credits he still thought that you only spent the tax credits on your child and kept everything else for yourself???

Original poster

Mammyem12 · 18/01/2016 18:22

I'm not sure what goes through his head! She stays st my mams every Saturday except the weekend she's at her dads but it's very rare I even go out so its not like I'd waste the money on other things.

I've recently started putting "cheap" playing clothes on her to go to his In rather than her nice outfits because some times it would be months before I'd see them again if I did, when he noticed what i was doing he asked me to make sure she was dressed smart because he can hasn't been able take her out lately because she had nothing to wear.

OP posts:

TrinityForce · 18/01/2016 18:24

Then he can buy her some clothes, can't he?

Cheeky sod he is.

listsandbudgets · 18/01/2016 20:51

You're not being nasty. He is being nasty. He has a responsibility to his child.

Don't hesitate just do it.

Saphwoodman · 18/01/2016 22:09

Stupid and the fact that he charges you petrol money for HIS daughter is disgusting. Some people work full time and still get child benefit and full child tax credits. I don't know about anyone else but £80 a week doesn't really go far when you have bills to pay food to buy along with clothes etc. His family probably feel like you get that money from the government so if you took money from him you would be being greedy, it's not the case. He shouldn't be reliant on the government to pay his children's way and think he can get off with not paying anything. His extra contribution could go towards something that isn't a necessity but something you wouldn't be able to afford otherwise. Perhaps like swimming or dance lessons etc.

My ex comes down every 2 weeks and pays £40 petrol to get here and still I went through with the csa claim to get the £50 a week that i feel I'm owed for our son, I don't feel bad at all. Personally I don't need it but it's all in a savings account for him and if I ever do need it I can dip in to it.

Flip