Finally bitten the bullet and gone through our finances...

[TabithaTwitchEye]

And I'm disgusted. We spend £800 a month on groceries! There's two adults and a three year old who eats nothing! AND we meal plan, and don't eat meat. I'm most ashamed to say that we somehow spend £200 per month on take aways.

Other outgoings (inc nursery mortgage etc) total £1,800 per month

No wonder we have no money

Special, yes, I run part of my massive commute, which helps fit exercise in!

We have hardly any takeaways as they are too expensive. So our treat is the M&S £10 meal deal, that comes with wine!
When I was home alone on Friday I had an Aldi curry which was better than our local takeaway, IMO.

oh yes, those Aldi curry for two packs are really good and about £4!!

shocking amounts of packaging though so try to limit them, but very tasty.

If you don't want to go the bother of making it yourself from scratch, these

www.thespicetailor.com/Sauces

taste amazing. I don't care for boxed curries though, maybe you won't feel the same way.

£3 ish in Tesco and Waitrose. Really lovely curries, I make two at once, something like paneer, pea and cauliflower and chicken or lamb for the meat eaters.

I have a dear friend from India, he taught me how to cook rice properly - soak it for 30-60 mins in water and then rinse all the starch off. Back in a pan and cover with 1cm water, salt, bring to the boil, put lid on and lower the heat to the lowest possible, I turn mine off but I have got plates that hold the heat for 10 mins. Take of lid and fluff with a fork.

It is perfect every time. Note that he taught me after I had made him dinner .

You could make a two curries and rice (while having a glass of wine) in 30 mins OP.

Try an online shop at Tesco. You have to think about what goes in your basket and it helps you to budget. It's worked out well for us. The wine is a different issue

You realise you're alcoholics, don't you?

Tbh, I think you are focussing on the wrong thing on this thread - presuming that you are not actually getting into debt because of your food/drink spend (ie , you can afford it), the quantity of alcohol you are both getting through is really really high. Did you know honestly it's massively more than the recommended amount?

Guidelines here which say that there are 10 units in a bottle, so you & DH are getting through 70 units a week, and the guidelines say 2-3 units per day for women, 3-4 for men, but that you shouldn't even be drinking that amount regularly. Sorry to come across all school-marmish, but I think you need to think about breaking that habit for health reasons, and the ££ savings will follow.

Could you do something else at the point at which you both open another bottle? Could you play cards/ backgsmmon / XBox / PSP / get into a box set together / anything?! Could you replace wine as a treat with something else as a treat. Eg DH and I have a couple of chocolates, or buy a nice bar (green and blacks), or have a little of some nice savoury snacks (honey roasted cashews...). Although these aren't exactly healthy either, replacing at least some of your quantity of wine with a small alternative treat might work.

Or, when I was pregnant and not drinking, I bought posh soft drinks, for those moments when I fancied a glass of wine - eg Shloer, or elderflower cordial (which I love), or more expensive and interesting fruit juice. You can even have it out of a wine glass ...

My local Aldi is open til 10pm. I don't go weekends as it's rammed. And it's quiet in the evenings.

Definitely cut the wine. Start with one day like Monday, and go from there. Use a substitute like juice.

And yy to the wines in Aldi.

Also, with the meal planning, are you just over optimistic when you are planning what to cook? So you plan something which is a bit fiddly and will take a while, and then in the evening you inevitably think, sod it, I can't be bothered to make that, I'll get a takeaway? So maybe try to plan really easy dinners - loads of threads on here for easy weekday meals.

Eg

baked salmon, with pesto spread in it, boiled new potatoes, frozen peas
Baked potatoes with cheese and ham, and a simple salad
Pasta and a jar sauce
Macaroni cheese
Frittata
Gnocchi, blue cheese and broccoli

Finally, if you manage to trust yourself not to drink wine even if it's in the house - we order mixed cases from The Wine Society - they do loads of really decent stuff for under £10. Even around the £5 mark.

Op I could have written your post a few years ago except I was probably drinking even more wine And gin and tonics. And I had to have fizzy wine on a Sunday etc etc etc

Unfortunately I became ill (not wine related!) and due to medication, had to stop drinking. Completely.

It's probably the best thing I have ever done. I wonder if, like me, you see your wine etc as a "reward" at the end of the day. Instead of cutting down, or buying different wine (love mumsnet ) could you swap to a different reward? We bought a tassimo machine and I LOVE it. Honestly a few years ago I would never never have thought I would actively choose a cup of tea over a glass of wine, but I would now.

I sleep better, I lost shitloads of weight, I feel smug in the mornings , I can drive late at night if I need to, I don't have headaches ever, and ice saved money - even the tassimo coffee we order from the website is cheaper than the amount I was spending on wine.

I cannot recommend it enough. I would tackle the problems in the order of which is more dangerous and I think your wine habit is more dangerous to your health than take aways. You may find like me you eat completely differently too - with a glass of water instead of wine you don't need to make the meal "special", or if you cook, not having a glass while you cook changes your evening.

I absolutely never thought I would give up drinking, I enjoyed my wine, we could afford it, it was normal for me. But in the last three years (about) I have had two alcoholic drinks. It amazes me to write it.

God I sound awful, like those reformed smokers who pester other people to quit! Sorry. I'm actually pretty ill to be honest (currently glugging morphine and had less than an hours sleep last night) and even with all this, I still feel better in myself now than when I was drinking so much.

Perhaps think of something you can replace the wine (and takeaways) with - nice tea or coffee, knitting, chocolate, fruit juice, fucking scrabble if you have to perhaps if you tried it for a month and see how it goes, it might be the kick start you need?

(I actually think the amount of takeaways and wine you are drinking is very normal for a lot of people these days. If like me, your friends and family are like this it just feels normal. It's only when you stop you realise how crap it really is!)

I'm a bit embarrassed about the knitting and scrabble suggestions now, to be honest

I was going to suggest scrabble too! Doesn't work for me though, since I am a bad loser, I am terrible at scrabble (always score about 7) and DH always wins...

Purple - knitting has been a vital part of my recovery; I was drinking shitloads more than the OP but have been clear (I hope) that I'm not trying to suggest she (or you) had an alcohol problem like mine. Keeping your hands busy and your mind distracted is really important (and v therapeutic as well). However, knitting can also be a ruinously expensive hobby if done properly (It doesn't have to be, I should add).

purple, you sound lovely, not awful at all .

My best friend and her DH were sharing a bottle of wine every night some years ago, they swapped it for herbal tea during the week, not very rock and roll, but it worked.

I think you both have to stick to it, together, you will be much stronger together.

Thanks wigeon, I feel a bit better now about the scrabble. DH and I can't actually play stuff like that together, we are both ridiculously competitive and would end up getting divorced. We had a massive huge, nearly marriage ending row over trivial pursuit once

Box sets are a very good idea, or recording something you like to watch together. We are currently watching Australian Masterchef as the (older) DC like it too so consent to sit with us and occasionally talk It's an hour every night and we have Haagen Dazs with it (if it's on offer)

I actively look forward to it.

God my life is sad :)

Ooh tribpot I would love to be able to knit. It must be very satisfying to have a hobby that ends up with something productive... I have arthritis in my hands so have had to stop sewing. Maybe I should get a sewing machine...sorry op I'm taking over your thread now

Everyone has been lovely and supportive, thank you! except the person who came on just to tell me I was an alcoholic without offering anything useful

I think, as I said unthread, the biggest realisation is that I need to down-scale some of the planned meals; a jar of sauce isn't the end of the world. I think I might try a nice pudding a couple of nights a week, too and keep the drinking to Thurs, Fri and Sat evenings.

There is always one Tabitha . You could always phase it out gradually, on the days you do drink (other than your weekend days above), just cut it down to one glass for now, then drop another day when you feel you can do it.

It doesn't have to be in one fell swoop if you don't want it to be, just being aware will make a difference.

Get your DH on board though, it would be very hard if he wasn't.