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Original poster

Should DP be contributing?

11 replies

CandyCrush77 · 25/09/2015 12:33

Have already posted in stepfamilies but this is probably more suited here. DP moved in with me 5 months ago. DSD, 12, and DSS, 10, are here 50% of the time. They have their owns rooms, nicely decorated, desks etc. DP has not yet got around to selling his flat and so, so far, he only contributes by buying food when his DCs are here 3 nights of the week. He will occasionally buy food for him and I at other times but only occasionally. I know he hasn't sold his flat yet and so isn't in a position to pay much but it's starting to grate that he is making no contribution to his kids' room and to bills, the cleaner etc. I guess he thinks that I pay paying for the whole house and bills anyway before he moved in and so I am no worse off but since I got divorced it has always been a massive stretch financially for me to cover everything as this is a big house which DP and DSCs are now benefitting from. Also, my ex is now putting pressure on for me to pay him back an equitable interest he has in the property now that DP has moved in, which I can't afford to do unless DP sells his flat and contributes something. I keep asking why it's taking so long and DP says he wants to do it up first but we (or rather, I) and going to be bankrupt before then! Am I being unfair wanting him to contribute? How much should I push this? Starting to feel very taking advantage of and that I'm left with all the financial responsibility.

OP posts:
ecuse · 25/09/2015 12:46

Does he know this (that it's a stretch for you, that your ex wants you to buy him out)? It's his flat rented out? If so, he should have income to contribute to your shared household costs. If not - why not?

Is he actually doing the fixing up of his place or just talking about it?

You need to have a frank discussion and start setting some deadlines for him to contribute.

MazyCrummy · 25/09/2015 12:57

Of course he should contribute. Even if he's still paying the mortgage on his flat AND not receiving rent, he's not paying for gas/electric/TV/phone etc, and depending on if it's furnished, he may not even need to be paying council tax. I imagine before he moved in with you he ate every day, so he should be able to contribute to the weekly food bill too, rather than just as and when.

Original poster
CandyCrush77 · 25/09/2015 13:00

Yes he knows but still nothing happens. I think it's because he thinks my costs haven't changed, i.e. I coped before so I must be able to pay now. He has done bits of fixing up but only on the odd weekend and it's taking ages. There really isn't that much to do as it's a 1 bed flat! He therefore doesn't have any additional income with which to contribute, other than to bills perhaps, which is why i feel bad asking him.

OP posts:
Ta1kinPeace · 25/09/2015 14:22

I'd suggest beans on toast for supper a few nights running for his kids till he gets his arse in gear.
Sounds like he's being more than a tad lazy and entitled.
If he does not want to sell it, put tenants into it at least.

I dislike empty houses.

ecuse · 25/09/2015 15:56

Did he at least pay to have his kids' rooms nicely decorated and furnished? He should definitely be contributing to upkeep bills right now, and you should set a deadline for when you need him to buy into the house (if that's what you have planned)

ecuse · 25/09/2015 15:57

Wait - 1 bed? Where did his kids stay before he moved in with you? Do you have kids? (With ex? With him?)

ImperialBlether · 25/09/2015 16:16

The number of freeloading men around at the moment is absolutely staggering.

19lottie82 · 25/09/2015 20:16

He should be contributing towards 50% of the bills, no question.

Kent1982 · 27/09/2015 10:04

Hello

I've been in a similar position but I'm your partner if you know what I mean. I didn't contribute anything but I am on maternity leave so earning nothing. But the home owner my partner didn't give me money either so I have really struggled.

He shouldn't be paying water, gas, electric or TVs licence which is something he could give you straight off.

In addition I got the mortgage moved to interest only by the lender, I didn't think they would do it but they did it with 1 phone call and no charge. They didn't even ask me why.

Some councils will give free council tax for 6 month if empty (not mine)

Does he know that every month it sits empty and he pays the bills it's money off this elusive fantastic asking price we all want. I made that mistake for a year I declined offers but realistically if I had taken the first one then I would be as financially well off as paying all the bills for the extra six months and the couple of extra grand I got.

Phone estate agents book them in for 2 weeks time to put some urgency on things

Maybe say something like shall we put the gas and electric and water In Your name now your not paying them at your flat and just do it.

It's a horrible situation because it can build up some real resentment so I think you have to grasp the nettle with this. In his defence he might not realise how your being stretched so even if it's hard you have to let him know .

Hope it all works out xx

Babyroobs · 27/09/2015 17:09

Yes he should be contributing more . What do all his earnings get spent on? If he has the kids 50% of the time then he surely has a good case for not paying as much maintainenceto his ex, so could be paying more to you for rent and food where the kids are actually living for half the week.

RandomMess · 27/09/2015 17:14

I would be asking him to move out if he's not going to contribute!

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