Can we live on 42k?

[Canweaffordit]

Name changed as embarrassed as speaking about money blame my parents.

So I am on mat leave, due back in December. DH just been promoted. New salary is £42k so take home is about £2400 a month after pension student loan etc. Our month to costs are mortgage £800, council tax £200, utilities £100, tv/mobiles/contact lenses/ insurance etc is probably another £200. No fuel cost as company car provided.

We are discussing me not returning to work and whether or not we can afford it. We in the past have been not very careful with money, just spent what we wanted too. I used to earn £1900 a month but will drop to just £500 as I would be going back part time and nursery costs would come out of my salary. We do operate as "one pot" but easier to explain this way

Do you think it is manageable ? Does anyone else have similar income/expenses? I understand e won't be having twice yearly holidays, slap up meals etc

out

Phew haha

It is only my opinion though but I just find it a lot harder work and more demanding ( no naps either so all day !) than the baby stage .

Plus maternity is a novelty since it's the first time a lot of us will not have been at work since we started work if you see what I mean

Maybe if part time is possible try that at first and if you think actually you much prefer the days your at home then you could make the swap to been a stay at home mum then ?

In an ideal world I would go back part time but in my current role it's looking unlikely. I don't want to find a part time role elsewhere as it will definitely mean a pay cut much more than just going down to 3/5th if you see what I mean, as said before part time professional jobs are like hens teeth so I will likely be going down a level.

Well that's itbits not always possible unfortunately and to work elsewhere for less money kind of defeats the object doesn't It sad] well I hope they consider your request

That was mean to to be a were it says sad !

We're in almost exactly the same position financially, OP - I quit work when our DD was born two years ago, OH's take-home pay is about £2500 per month, rent is £795. It's been a big change, going from two decent incomes to one, but it's manageable. We spend £80 per week on groceries, we get a takeaway once a week and the usual little treats. We still have Sky :) We rarely go out in the evenings, but that's more because of a Velcro baby and no family nearby for childcare than anything else. We do spend quite a lot on petrol as OH has a long commute.
Psychologically it's been a big adjustment; we'd never had to worry about money before (and probably never fully appreciated how lucky we were to be in that position). Now we have to be much more careful. Months when car insurance and tax have to be paid, or if there's an unexpected bill, can be a bit of a worry, but we've never actually been in the red. We haven't had a real holiday in two years, but we travel to see family so do pay for a few flights a year. I also haven't bought any clothes that weren't from Tesco or Asda in quite a while....
Anyway, it's definitely doable. And for us it's worth it to allow me to be at home while our little girl is small. I'm lucky in that my profession is quite open to part-time work so I'd hope to be able to get back to it once kid(s) start school.

Based on your update I would def be going back to work during the early years. If you still feel the same way and want to spend time with your DS you can stop working once he starts school. My experience has been that sorting out childcare once they start school is far harder. Nursery is easy!

It is really hard to believe, but the stage your DS is at is quite a bit easier in that its about basic needs being met. Once they are older their needs increase and yes I am dreading the teenage years when I think I will be working 2-3 days a week because I envisage my DD needing me a lot more than she does now!

I'm a SAHM (ds is 21 months and dd is 9 weeks) and DP is on £44Kpa. We rent at £750pcm then have all of the usual utilities etc. It's entirely comfortable to live on..but we don't have foreign holidays and don't run a car (yet, we're going to need one now we've got two dcs!). I don't worry about the ASDA shop but needing a new dryer is a pain. Being a SAHM is very different to being on mat leave and toddlers are very different to babies. It got quite lonely and distinctly odd when all of my new mum mates started to go back to work and I was staying at home. Toddlers are ,in my experience much harder work than babies. You sort of work around the workers for play dates but a toddler groups it's all childminders (who are always waaay too busy to chat) and GPs. I think SAH is best when it's something you really want to do.
I love being at home (most of the time) but most of the women I know would much rather be part time-even though some of them take home very little cash once childcare is paid for. I'm similar to you Cel982 in that this was really important to me to be at home whilst my children are small and although more cash would be great what we have now is very doable.
It's also worth thinking about the spacing of your children. We've had them close together (still in discussions about number 3!!) to limit the overall time I'm not working IYSWIM.

That's a great point about it being childminders and GP at the majority of todder classes. It's something I hadn't considered. I think I may actually struggle with keeping a toddler entertained all day. I don't want to feel guilt at going places etc if it costs money.

Oh I don't know what to do. I have a further meeting with my manager soon please keep your fingers crossed.

Don't get me wrong the GPs and childminders are lovely, its just not the same as the mums your age at nct. You do need to budget for entertainment, even if it's just coffee and cake. I don't ever feel guilty about this money though as I'd go nuts without it. My friend said that she'd need £10K a year just for the gin if she had to SAH!

You need to understand your numbers really well
both incoming and outgoing
on the SPREADSHEETS thread on this board is my budgeting one.
Download it and customise it for yourselves.
Put in the last year's figures
it will be a chore but might highlight very fast where you can - or cannot - make savings
it will also let you plan properly for the next couple of years.

Honestly I would be trying for #2 now so when you go back you are looking at 6 months or so of working. It is short enough to suck it up if you HATE working and long enough that you will qualify for another year of leave for your 2nd DC. With that 2nd leave you will have a toddler and get a real insight into the insanity of toddlerhood.

I've seen the spreadsheets - very impressive . I will be filling it out big I do become a sahm we will need to budget which is something I haven't done before.

I can't try for #2 yet. I had a cesarean in January so there is a minimum time between that and the the next cesarean. Also #2 will be the result of a frozen embryo transfer and dh and I are just not ready to go through the emotional and physical pain of it.

Oh and I've downloaded a budgeting app. Will input daily what we spend and the movement in all of our accounts to se where our money is going.

Yes, you should be able to do it. We will have a similar household income when I go back to work, DH and I will be doing a 1.3 working hours week between us in order to do most of the childcare ourselves. We have 2 children not 1, but our housing costs are about half of yours and we'll be paying more to commute. So the situations are quite similar. I expect that we'll be able to manage fine, which leads me to think you probably will. As others have said, you can learn to shop more cheaply. It doesn't even have to do a bare bones shop, but there's likely to be room in your budget to cut pretty painlessly. Check out Aldi, Lidl and pound shops, and you'll probably find there are cheap meals you like as well- make sure you do those every week. You're also probably not on the cheapest energy, phone and broadband tariffs, because most people aren't. Likely you can shave a few pounds off the bills just by looking around. We're saving about £80 a month now, having done an audit recently.

That said, I still think I'd try and do part time even if it means going down a level. If nothing else, it would mean another lot of maternity pay should you have a second. Unless it would mean you couldn't go back to your current role when you eventually decide to do FT again.

We live on far less than half of this, but we cut our cloth accordingly and went for cheap house in cheapish area, so low mortgage, about a quarter of yours.
I think the only way to do it is look at your income and have the lifestyle that supports the salary. It's the only way you can do it really.

DD1 has just started school and I'm on my first week back at work from the maternity leave for DD2.

I echo what others say school is much harder to juggle than nursery. Nursery opens 51 week of the year, 8 to 6. School gate doesn't open till 8.35 and pick up is 3.15. We already have home work from week 2 and a worksheet a day from week 3. DH works locally so he starts homework with DD1 at 5.30. It's only a phonics sound and a letter trace dots work sheet but you have to spend the time to do it. At the same time, I cook and get dinner out by 6pm. (Compared to nursery where they also get a evening tea before home). Then after they gone to bed, I do cooking and prep so dinner can be served quickly the next day!

Then there is all the school holidays.

And all the extra curricular activities. Maybe it's because we are in a very middle class area. Everyone is doing swimming ballet and what not. With both of us being FT we can only do weekend.

I think if you aren't sure definitely try to apply for part time and see what you like first. Many mums change to school hours part time from 3 days once children are at school.

And you can also quit if you find school and work too hard to juggle.

Just wanted to add that I have been SAHM in two quite different areas and there were loads of other SAHMs to be mates with, I wouldn't worry about it being all childminders and GPs . I also wouldn't worry about spending cash on activities. Toddler groups in churches/local halls, activities in local libraries/museums, activities in sure start centres, NCT coffee mornings are all very cheap or free. You can build your schedule around these kind of things.

Our budget was similar to yours and I didn't struggle to fund the odd coffee or soft play session. As a previous poster said it was if something like the washing machine went that it was tricky.

I work now (part time to do school pick up) and everything is rush rush rush, I'd have hated the toddler years to be like that. Just wanted to put the other side.

I was SAHM with IVF child. Very moderate income in London under 40k. But no mortgage admittedly. Completely and utterly worth it. Felt very much in the minority for not going back to work at the time, but met loads of mums who were working part-time and SAH so socialising not difficult. Felt it was a chance that would not come again. Admittedly it did, with twins [gulp] but I was glad I had that lovely time with first baby.

We also spent very little on holidays or clothes or entertainment. Biggest problem was probably repairs or house improvements and bills for utitilies increasing (heating etc) We had some savings too. I feel a lot of the friends who continued working really enjoyed their jobs; it was not just about the money. It was a state of mind. I think there is a choice in some situations, and you should feel free to make it, rather than feel you have to go back on principle or to be safe. This is a whole new ballgame.

I think you could manage well. We cut our income by 66% when I became a SAHP. I worked out a budget that looked depressing but I really wanted to be with my DC every day so we did it anyway. It has been surprising financially. Because we think about what we are spending now and didn't before we actually manage to save more money now than we did previously and we have sacrificed nothing that I have noticed missing.
For me it has been worth every penny of lost income. There is nothing like getting up each morning and knowing you are spending it with your young children. I realise a lot of people feel differently, would be bored etc etc. It is a very personal decision and only you can know what you really want. Like yourself, I intend to return to the workplace when it suits and have a plan for doing so. Good luck with your decision.

I hear you on needing a break between trying again for #2. It must have been an awful CS to have to wait longer than 6 months before trying again. I was pregnant with my 2nd when DD was 9 months old. I had DS by CS but only because he was HUGE. Would have had him vaginally otherwise.

Honestly at this point it sounds like you want to stay home. If that is what you want to do go for it but know what you are getting into. If you do end up wanting to go back to work you can always look at a new area that is more family friendly. If you work in finance it might be worth getting some qualifications while you are out and transitioning your career that way. Just be wary of becoming an accountant. Lots of people think its family friend but it isn't. I've found finance roles to be much more accommodating.

Just be wary of becoming an accountant. Lots of people think its family friend but it isn't.

AHAHaHaHAHaHa I am an accountant. Not a fancy, super qualified one, but one. Deadlines are super tight and this is my pt issue

People are often advised to wait 2 years before conceiving again post-CS now. I'm not sure how long it was suggested OP wait, but I too had a section (emergency) at the start of this year and this is what I was told. Same happened to a friend of mine after an ELCS, it's because the risk of rupture is slightly higher if births are close together. I think it's standard advice, though obviously the risk is still quite low even if you do.

OP, can you research the cost of playgroups etc in your area? Give yourself a rough idea how much you'll be spending to entertain yourself and DS. If you have any children's centres near you, they're usually the cheapest. Are you going to have many 'mum friends' available post ML to socialise? In many areas, mums well outnumber GPs and CMs at the playgroups.

Fingers crossed that your pt request is approved. I went back on 0.4 (2 days a week) after both DCs and while it's not perfect and I do lots of extra work at home, I feel grateful and it's the best of both worlds. I feel like I'm 'place marking' my career as would be hard to get back in at this pay level if I became a SAHM now.

However, if the choice was FT or SAHM, I would quit. I feel the same as you in that early childhood is a precious and short time, don't want to regret missing all the special moments watching them grow.

Don't worry about the toddler groups, most people at the ones I go to are SAHMs and PT mums on their days off, like me. I've made plenty of friends at them.

With careful budgeting you could cope fine.

You've had some great advice about your different options but just on your request to go part time in your current role - make sure your employer follows their flexible working request procedure and gives you documented reasons why part time couldn't be accommodated and there will be an appeal process for you to challenge this if they haven't taken account of your proposal of how it would work for your role. Perhaps a job share could be an option, if so they are obliged to look into this. If your only option will be to resign from this role if they don't agree then keep challenging them through the process. Good luck!